A Life Not Meant To Be

Ok, so I'd plan on having this post be about the fact that my day wasn't the greatest...but what's happened today is on such a grander scale, that it's not even worth mentioning what happened earlier.

So I'm home from work, and I'm chilling in my room. I'm in a mood, and not really in the mood for anyone or anything. My sister L calls me from her bedroom, but I can't hear her and I can't be bothered to get up. She calls me on my mobile, and it sounds like she's crying. She asks me to come to her room. So I head to her room-kinda nervous, cos I'm thinking what's happening. Go into her room, and shut the door. She's over by her bed, and she's crying. She mumbles something. I'm like what did you say? She says I just had a miscarriage. I'm standing there-looking at her dumbfounded! In my head I'm thinking, did she just say miscarriage? That means she was pregnant. It's like she read my mind, cos she then tells me that she was pregnant. 5 weeks gone. She said that she had planned to have an abortion this coming Friday. I was in absolute shock! She found out last week. She didn't tell me cos she figured I'd tell my older sister-who in turn would have told my mum. She had told her boyfriend, and her best friend. Turns out the condom split-she said that she had taken the morning after pill-but evidently it didn't do the trick. She told me that she had been bleeding pretty much all day, but she had just go to the bathroom, and had seen, what is now known to be the foetus in the toilet.

I was like-you have to tell someone-like mum or N (my older sis) but she didn't want to. I suggested we called the hospital hot line to find out what to do next. They said to call the emergency doctor, and then take it from there. Did that, and was advised to go to Accident & Emergency department at the hospital. So I took her-told my mum we were heading to my aunts house.

We go to the hospital, and after much wait, she gets seen by the triage nurse. Now this lady-hmm....I could have quite easily have slapped her upside her head. She would be asking my sister a question, but be looking at me to answer it. Erm-who's the patient here? There was constantly nurses coming in and out of the room as well, and that was getting on my nerves...I mean, whatever happened to a confidentiality? anyways, after seeing this nurse, she has bloods taken, and then we wait to be seen by the doctor. When she is eventually seen....she asks my sister some questions, and it's apparent that she has had a miscarriage. The doctor just seemed really insensitive about the whole situation. I mean, it's my sister's 1st pregnancy, she's just miscarried-regardless of what her future plans were, and there was no offer of anything-no counselling...nothing. She said that my sister should get a call tomorrow to come back to the hospital for a scan to check that what should now be out has done so. She was then allowed to go home.

So now I'm home, I still can't believe that what has happened really has. I mean, my lil 18 year old sister was pregnant y'all. And the type of relationship that we have collectively, made her feel like she couldn't come to one of us to let us know. She was gonna have an abortion and deal with whatever comes with that on her own. It was her friend that told her to tell someone about the miscarriage-and I'm glad she told me. We've been able to talk on a level this evening...but it's a shame that it's something like this that's brought us here. I asked her how she felt. She said that she was happy that it's happened this way-so that she didn't have to have the abortion, but was sad at the same time, cos she'd miscarried. That there was no option to change her mind about wanting the baby. She was wondering why her. I told her that this situation is one that no one can explain. That just because she had this abortion does not mean that she was guaranteed to have another in the future. That the fact that she had a miscarriage may make things easier to deal with, because it was something that she couldn't control, whereas with the abortion there would be alot more guilt etc involved. She understood what I meant...I mean I've not been pregnant, has a miscarriage nor an abortion so I can't say what kinda feelings one would feel...but I told her that if she decided to tell my mum or my sister, that it was up to her-....that I wouldn't tell if/when she does, I'll get cussed for not saying something-but you know it's whatever..I'm willing to deal with being the scum of the earth and hearing the cussing. I'd do that fo my lil si and that if she ever wanted to talk about anything I'd be there. I told her that I'd be there when she goes to the scan.

Now do you guys think I'm wrong for not telling my mum about what's happened? Bearing in mind, that I don't want my sister to not trust me with things-I mean if she was willing to go though an abortion without telling any of us, what else could she potentially go through and feel like she has no one to tell. I want her to feel that she can come to me. Not only that, but none of us really have a great relationship with my mum, There's so many things that could be said about this, but it's too long to really go into-so for right now, I won't. A part of me is trying to put myself in my mum's shoes, to think that my daughter had gone through something like this, but not told me...but again, looking back to things that have happened in the past, my mum hasn't really been one for 'support'. I can more see things from my sister's side...I mean, no one knows about Mr Man, it's so much easier not to say... It's this relationship that we have where we feel like we can't share our personals with our immediate fam. What do you guys think? Am I wrong for upholding my sister's confidence or should I betray that just because in normal situations, girls tell their mums about things like this? Whaddya reckon?

I just ask you guys to pray for my sister's healing....

Tom_Gurl