Hurting...

Sometimes I wonder why things have happened in my life the way they have. It's easy for me to tell others that it's the way God had planned it...but I have a much harder time believing it at times. Right now is one of those times.

I feel like I'm standing at the edge of a mountain, and all it'll take is a small gust of wind to blow me off. I don't know why, but it just feels like everything is building up on top of me. I don't even know why. I don't even know what's really bothering me. It's probably a combination of things...but on a real, I've been through more stuff than this! I've battled through depression, and suicidal thought, I've battled through the pain and anquish of losing my boy A-went to my first funeral. I was able to be there for my SFAM when her ex boyfriend died...and my LF when her mum died...I mean, I've lost so many people within my life...I've had friends and family walk out on me-turn their backs on me...and I've come through it...I've come through all of that a much stronger person-so why is it that right now, I feel like I have no strength? I'm feeling like my life has no purpose-and that there's no point.

I'm trying not to feel sorry for myself-the thing that's frustrating me right now is I don't even know what the heck is wrong with me. I don't understand how I was fine earlier, and now, as I type this tears are rolling down my cheeks, my heart is hurting, and it feels like my world is crumbling around me.

I can't understand where things seemed to have gone wrong. I'm trying to make sense of my thoughts and feelings right now-but it's just not happening.

Shit...I can't do this...