F88ked Up Mindset

My mindset is so off course today! Had an argument with my mum that I could have easily done with out this morning-so that set me off in a bad mood! I've vented already, so I'm not too bad but goodness! Can I get a day when everything just runs right?

Yesterday went out with my team for a 'THANK YOU' dinner at a Turkish restaurant up in London. It was actually really nice. I surprised myself in eating things that I would never normally have...but it was pretty cool. From the restaurant we went to the pub, and had a 'quick'(hour & a half) meeting. Found out interesting things about the company...

It was a pretty good evening out. I don't normally attend work functions-I usually have other things going on at the same time, but it was good to be out and about you know? And the best part of it all is it was FREE!

I drank about 5 glasses of Coke...and I tell ya-it broke my bladder! Every 5 minutes I was bursting to go pee. The journey home was 'fun'..We got the tube back to my workmates flat-I'll be house sitting for her for the next 5 days, and my car was parked outside her house. So we (and her boyfriend whom I met for the 1st time)took the tube back up to her place. For whatever reason, the tube had to wait about 5 minutes at a station-can we say NIGHTMARE! I didn't talk throughout the whole journey, cos I was concentrating so hard to not pee myself. There was this dude at the platform, and he blew a kiss at me *shudders* he was not a thing.....he then got on my carriage, and was walking towards me. Thankfully he didn't stop, but sat where I was in view, and stared at me until he got off. In my head I'm saying 'don't come and talk me....the last thing I can do right now is turn you down politely whilst concentrated on not peeing myself....' Luckily for me, he got off the tube with no problems!!

When I got home my dinner was shared out in a plate on the side in the kitchen. I was kinda surprised cos erm...no one ever shares my dinner out...hmm...interesting! I got home after midnight, so I washed up and went to bed.

This morning, I get up and get ready for work. I have to send something from my home PC to my work email address, so I'm messing about with the PC, and my mum comes to me and says 'if you're not gonna eat dinner can you let me know-this is the 2nd time I've had to throw food in the bin' I thought 'ok, whatever-I'm not even gonna say anything, cos clearly you're fishing for an argument' So I do what I'm doing, go in the kitchen, and the plate is gone. I look in the bin, and the food's in there. So I go to her and ask why she threw the food in the bin, and she was like 'oh there was only a little bit (of lasagne)', I was like, 'yeah, but I could've taken it to work for lunch' and she's like 'well you didn't seem like you was interested' - why-cos I didn't say anything to make you start an argument? She started one anyway moaning about how since Monday I've haven't eaten dinner, and how there's 3 adults in the house, and if she doesn't cook no one does and how she works too, and how she only be cooking for the younger 3 children. I'm mad by this point, cos it's like why we arguing about this? I know she'd be begging to continue something since Monday, but where I haven't been home she's been unable to. I told her that I was messing with her on Monday, but that she decided to take it all wrong to argue....and that I was out with my work peeps yesterday. She's then like 'oh you could've phoned to tell me' I'm like WHY? I've never had to before?? I left her to talk to herself, and I heard her mumbling bout how the money I give her isn't enough & all this crap. But you know what-I'm out soon so you ain't gotta worry bout none of that!. On Monday, after the argument I wasn't tryna eat no dinner, so she could have something to argue about, Tuesday I was the hospital for most of the evening, and grabbed food on my way home, and yesterday I was taken out for dinner! Since I've been back at my mum's house, I've never had to say whether I'm coming home for dinner or not, so why all of a sudden do I have to-if that's what you want LET ME KNOW! I'm supposed to automatically know shit's changing WITHOUT you saying so? I mean, yes I'm grateful that she cooks dinner-I mean they're HER kids! Shoot-I don't have to eat dinner-I can have tea and toast and be cool for the night! It's not my responsibility to feed your kids, and I do help out throughout the house in other ways than cooking. I mean, when I come home from a 9 hour shift that LAST thing I wanna do is cook big bwoy dinner-and if I do, I'm not gonna start cooking up soon as I walk through the door...I like to rest a little first!! And the funniest thing that she said was that cos of me not eating dinner, she's had to throw food away...SHE DOES THIS EVERY FRICKING DAY! My mum likes to cook like she's feeding the 5,000...so more often than not, there's food being thrown away-don't try and put that shit on me!

I'm so fed up, I've had enough of my mum and her pettiness! She loves an argument, and she seems to love picking it with me. But I'm not in it man!I don't need or want the hype in my life man-it's not for me. I'm looking tirelessly for a flat...thankfully I'll be out at my friend's for the next 5 days, and then when I get back, it'll be a few weeks before I'm out permanently....I'm just hoping for no more madness between no and then, cos I can't be dealing with it.

On other news, my sister has a scan today at 1.30 to check that everything that is meant to be out as a result of her miscarriage is out. I dunno why, but a part of me is hoping that somehow or someway it wasn't a miscarriage...I don't even know why, cos she's not wanting to have a kid now...but a miscarriage is just so traumatic....I don't even know what I'm tryna say...

More news: My face hass still got the stupis rash! It's almost like it's getting worse-it may not be, but it damn sure isn't getting better! I can't be dealing with this either!

Fuck it all man...I can't be bothered.