I don't really have much to post on right now, but sitting here on my bed....I've got these random thoughts-so I thought I would share them with you:
-Didn't '48 hours' with Eddie Murphy used to be funny? I'm sitting here watching this film right now, and all now I haven't even cracked a smile.
-Why is it when I wasn't looking for somewhere to live, there were flats by the truckload...now I'm in need of one there's none to be found?
-Why am I so tired but can't sleep?
-Why am I still so excited about a top? (It's siiiiiick though isn't it?)
-Why oh why did Natalie leave Floetry? They were the London duo-repping for SE5...now Nat's gone, and some new chick's joining Marsh..and they're gonna be Floetry 2.0-I mean...who really thinks this is a good move?!! (Not I!!)
-What now-since there'll be no more annual Floetry concerts? **Sigh**
I think that's enough questions for the moment.....This evening I spent a little time with the younger sisters....it was pretty cool actually....something we don't do very often! We just chilled and laughed and stuff...talking bout how me and my brother used to tease my sister L with the scary clown from the film IT...and how we'd scare my sister L with her life-sized doll, saying it was Chucky....and you KNOW as a result of talking bout these scary movies, one WILL be sleeping with a night light!! lol-I kid you not..!!
Oh-I almost forgot...my uncle came down this evening....and he's out in the garden...he comes in, and catches my 9 old brother about to light one of his (uncles) cigarettes!! Yep-my mouth was wide open like 'What??' My mum wasn't home, so my sister L sent him to his bed...I didn't say a word....maybe I should have, but he was overly sulky and wouldn't have heard me...so I'mma leave it to my Mum!! And before anybody says it-it's not my influence! None of my family have ever seen me smoking! And one of the reasons is what my brother has displayed tonight. I don't ever want him to think that smoking is a good look....what I wouldn't give to turn back the clock and NOT have started!! It's soooo creepy to watch as my brother slowly turns into my other brother! Damn....
Ok, well 48 hours is boring the crap outta me, so I guess there's nothing more for me to do dan gwarn to me bed!
Tuesday, 31 July 2007
Monday, 30 July 2007
Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiick!!!
How SIIIIIIIIIIIIICK is this top??????
I mean like really....honestly-How SIIIIIIIIIIIIICK is this top? (Have another look!)
**You can't see it clearly, but all of the black dots on it have gold studs, and the studs are on the words and on the crews chains**
I very rarely get excited about clothes that's not a Nike T-shirt, tracksuit or trainers....BUT I saw this bad boy and it HAD to be purchased! I plan to wear it this Sunday-I'm going out for my friend's birthday! I intend to wear it with....a pair of skinny jeans-I've seen the ones I want-they have gold studs on the pockets...and I'mma get a pair of gold shoes....throw on some gold accessories...and that'll be me! I'm gonna hook up the relaxer on Friday or Saturday....so the hair will be fresh....and if the ensemble works how it's planned in my head....I'll be looking HOT! (If I'm allowed to say that about me....shoot this is my blog so damn right I can say it!! lol). Ok, so you might be slightly confused-basically I dress kinda girly when I go out partying....and that's purely cos I can't go out in trainers and stuff....I do make the effort...though sometimes I'd rather not...but that's neither here or there...
I've been in a reallly good mood today...and it's been made better by my top! I'm actually looking forward to Sunday now! I've been dreading going out to buy an outfit, but it seems it'll be much easier than I thought!! If it all works out, I might even post a few pics (now that I know how to do it and all)
That my dear readers is all....So what do YOU think of this top?? Hot or What?
I mean like really....honestly-How SIIIIIIIIIIIIICK is this top? (Have another look!)
**You can't see it clearly, but all of the black dots on it have gold studs, and the studs are on the words and on the crews chains**
I very rarely get excited about clothes that's not a Nike T-shirt, tracksuit or trainers....BUT I saw this bad boy and it HAD to be purchased! I plan to wear it this Sunday-I'm going out for my friend's birthday! I intend to wear it with....a pair of skinny jeans-I've seen the ones I want-they have gold studs on the pockets...and I'mma get a pair of gold shoes....throw on some gold accessories...and that'll be me! I'm gonna hook up the relaxer on Friday or Saturday....so the hair will be fresh....and if the ensemble works how it's planned in my head....I'll be looking HOT! (If I'm allowed to say that about me....shoot this is my blog so damn right I can say it!! lol). Ok, so you might be slightly confused-basically I dress kinda girly when I go out partying....and that's purely cos I can't go out in trainers and stuff....I do make the effort...though sometimes I'd rather not...but that's neither here or there...
I've been in a reallly good mood today...and it's been made better by my top! I'm actually looking forward to Sunday now! I've been dreading going out to buy an outfit, but it seems it'll be much easier than I thought!! If it all works out, I might even post a few pics (now that I know how to do it and all)
That my dear readers is all....So what do YOU think of this top?? Hot or What?
Friday, 27 July 2007
The Break Up
Ok, so firstly thanks to all of you wonderful people who offered words of wisdom and support in my days of despair. I can say that today I'm doing better :)
Now for the story (It's long....)
The reason why I broke it off with Mr Man, was cos I had finally decided to stop kidding myself that things were going as well as I wanted them to go. I took off the rose-tinted glasses and saw things for what they were...!!! Over the course of the past few months, he's been slightly different. He was showing me little signs that to me, was showing that he wasn't on it as much anymore.
You remember the post I did 'Lost Without You', and I had all these questions and stuff, and was when I was gonna break things from then....something just didn't feel right anymore....and then I attempted to 'It's Official-I'm a Punk'...but I couldn't do it then. Well since that conversation that I had with him, I told him how I felt about the way things were, and after that I felt that we were on the same level again-hence the 'Today' post....well in actuality it was all a pot of piss....cos he was still acting funny. I hadn't really spoken to him much in what-2 months....now considering we're in a LONG DISTANCE relationship, surely communication is a major factor right? I have put my hands up and I will say that I didn't call him as much either, but that was cos it was getting to the point where I felt like I was blowing off his phone...so my intention was to see what he was on....
So this whole thing had been riding on my shoulders for a little while. I realised that as each day went by, and another day of not speaking to him, I was becoming more and more unhappy. This wasn't what I wanted! I called him during the time that I was house sitting and he was at work. He told me that he would call me back. He called me that night, but I was kipping, and then he called me the evening after, but I was out for my friend's birthday, and was in a bar. I asked him to call me back....he never did....
I realised then that of late, the only time he would call me would be when I called him first....that's long man-I don't have time for the game playing crap. Now-he may have had a reason for it, but what I'd realised is that when we did speak, he'd be on me...you know having good convo, talking bout the future....usual ish...but when we would hang it it'd be like he forgot about me....again-I have no time for that...my mind would wonder..clearly there's someone that's got you occupied....I could be very wrong-but on a real how would I ever REALLY know?
After much thinking, and discussion, I decided that this wasn't what I wanted. Although I loved him, I really did have to love myself more. That though it'll be hard, it's better to cut my losses now, and deal with the crap that comes with it, than to be discussing shit with the bitch that is Hindsight, talking bout how I should have seen the signs etc...
So-on Monday evening, I called him. He was at work, and said that he would call me back. I told him that he didn't need to cos I wasn't happy with the way things were and that we were over....then the phone cut out. Cos he was at work, I figured I wouldn't call him back, cos he wouldn't really be able to speak to me. I know this probably wasn't the best time or way to break up with him BUT I had geared myself up to do it...and then when he answered I just had word vomit-I HAD to get it out then, otherwise I would have punked out. I called him from a calling card from my home phone because me & T-mobile are having a slight dispute and right now they're winning cos they've stopped me making outbound calls *pissed*. So anyways, after all that, I went out on the road with my Granny.
When I come home, hours later I attempt to get on the internet (yeah we're still working with dial-up) and it wouldn't connect cos there was a voicemail on the phone..so I listen to it....I nearly pissed myself when I heard his voice!!! Like WTF!!!! He left a message talking bout how I must send back his chain and he will send back the bag that I left with him in Feb and the battery that I got for the phone. The phone cut out mid message and he CALLED BACK AGAIN leaving the same message. I'm soooooooo mad by this point cos it's like ‘Bruv-are you seriously calling my mum's house, leaving dumb messages not once but twice? Like on a real-are you serious??!!!’ Now none of my fam actually know about him-there are reasons why, and for right now, it made my life so much more easier without them knowing! can you imagine the questions I would have been faced with if someone in my house had answered the phone when he was calling back or had listened to the messages????
I called my SFAM, and I met up with her. I used her phone to call him back (after I finished my ranting) and he was really rude to me. I asked him why he was calling back on my mum's line talking crap, and he said that he didn't have any other numbers for me so he called me back on the number that I called him from.
Now we've been on this relationship ting for damn near a year-and this stupid fool is tryna tell me that he doesn't know my mobile number-AFTER A YEAR?!?! So I was like, well lose that number, and he was like oh do you want your tings back. I was like-I'm not asking you for anything back-but I'll be sending back your chain, and you can send back what you want. He was like, well I'll send it-goodbye and hung up the phone. 'Oh no he didn't....!!' but you know what...it's whatever!!
Then I start recalling things that he'd told me...that he didn't get any texts that I'd send cos the screen on his phone wasn't working....but yet he could see the screen to go to the 'received calls' section of the phone to dial back the number that called him??!?! He could have been using the phone that I sent the battery for-that means that he got the speaker fixed and could actually call....or that he could actually respond to my messages...SMH...dyam liar!
And that my dear friends is how we ended....I haven't heard from him since....Since the anger that came from Monday night disappeared, in came the upset and crap...but today, I'm feeling GOOD!!! Dunno if I'll ever speak to him again...but hey it's a period of my life that I will learn and grow from. So I’m now just working on healing, and making myself happy :)
Now for the story (It's long....)
The reason why I broke it off with Mr Man, was cos I had finally decided to stop kidding myself that things were going as well as I wanted them to go. I took off the rose-tinted glasses and saw things for what they were...!!! Over the course of the past few months, he's been slightly different. He was showing me little signs that to me, was showing that he wasn't on it as much anymore.
You remember the post I did 'Lost Without You', and I had all these questions and stuff, and was when I was gonna break things from then....something just didn't feel right anymore....and then I attempted to 'It's Official-I'm a Punk'...but I couldn't do it then. Well since that conversation that I had with him, I told him how I felt about the way things were, and after that I felt that we were on the same level again-hence the 'Today' post....well in actuality it was all a pot of piss....cos he was still acting funny. I hadn't really spoken to him much in what-2 months....now considering we're in a LONG DISTANCE relationship, surely communication is a major factor right? I have put my hands up and I will say that I didn't call him as much either, but that was cos it was getting to the point where I felt like I was blowing off his phone...so my intention was to see what he was on....
So this whole thing had been riding on my shoulders for a little while. I realised that as each day went by, and another day of not speaking to him, I was becoming more and more unhappy. This wasn't what I wanted! I called him during the time that I was house sitting and he was at work. He told me that he would call me back. He called me that night, but I was kipping, and then he called me the evening after, but I was out for my friend's birthday, and was in a bar. I asked him to call me back....he never did....
I realised then that of late, the only time he would call me would be when I called him first....that's long man-I don't have time for the game playing crap. Now-he may have had a reason for it, but what I'd realised is that when we did speak, he'd be on me...you know having good convo, talking bout the future....usual ish...but when we would hang it it'd be like he forgot about me....again-I have no time for that...my mind would wonder..clearly there's someone that's got you occupied....I could be very wrong-but on a real how would I ever REALLY know?
After much thinking, and discussion, I decided that this wasn't what I wanted. Although I loved him, I really did have to love myself more. That though it'll be hard, it's better to cut my losses now, and deal with the crap that comes with it, than to be discussing shit with the bitch that is Hindsight, talking bout how I should have seen the signs etc...
So-on Monday evening, I called him. He was at work, and said that he would call me back. I told him that he didn't need to cos I wasn't happy with the way things were and that we were over....then the phone cut out. Cos he was at work, I figured I wouldn't call him back, cos he wouldn't really be able to speak to me. I know this probably wasn't the best time or way to break up with him BUT I had geared myself up to do it...and then when he answered I just had word vomit-I HAD to get it out then, otherwise I would have punked out. I called him from a calling card from my home phone because me & T-mobile are having a slight dispute and right now they're winning cos they've stopped me making outbound calls *pissed*. So anyways, after all that, I went out on the road with my Granny.
When I come home, hours later I attempt to get on the internet (yeah we're still working with dial-up) and it wouldn't connect cos there was a voicemail on the phone..so I listen to it....I nearly pissed myself when I heard his voice!!! Like WTF!!!! He left a message talking bout how I must send back his chain and he will send back the bag that I left with him in Feb and the battery that I got for the phone. The phone cut out mid message and he CALLED BACK AGAIN leaving the same message. I'm soooooooo mad by this point cos it's like ‘Bruv-are you seriously calling my mum's house, leaving dumb messages not once but twice? Like on a real-are you serious??!!!’ Now none of my fam actually know about him-there are reasons why, and for right now, it made my life so much more easier without them knowing! can you imagine the questions I would have been faced with if someone in my house had answered the phone when he was calling back or had listened to the messages????
I called my SFAM, and I met up with her. I used her phone to call him back (after I finished my ranting) and he was really rude to me. I asked him why he was calling back on my mum's line talking crap, and he said that he didn't have any other numbers for me so he called me back on the number that I called him from.
Now we've been on this relationship ting for damn near a year-and this stupid fool is tryna tell me that he doesn't know my mobile number-AFTER A YEAR?!?! So I was like, well lose that number, and he was like oh do you want your tings back. I was like-I'm not asking you for anything back-but I'll be sending back your chain, and you can send back what you want. He was like, well I'll send it-goodbye and hung up the phone. 'Oh no he didn't....!!' but you know what...it's whatever!!
Then I start recalling things that he'd told me...that he didn't get any texts that I'd send cos the screen on his phone wasn't working....but yet he could see the screen to go to the 'received calls' section of the phone to dial back the number that called him??!?! He could have been using the phone that I sent the battery for-that means that he got the speaker fixed and could actually call....or that he could actually respond to my messages...SMH...dyam liar!
And that my dear friends is how we ended....I haven't heard from him since....Since the anger that came from Monday night disappeared, in came the upset and crap...but today, I'm feeling GOOD!!! Dunno if I'll ever speak to him again...but hey it's a period of my life that I will learn and grow from. So I’m now just working on healing, and making myself happy :)
Thursday, 26 July 2007
Man....SMH!
Wow....I just saw on the news that a 16 year old boy got shot this morning in the estate (Stockwell Gardens) that I grew up on...from what I can see on the news, where the boy was killed is just outside of where by my boy A's bench is.....I've mentioned A briefly before-he died in Aug 2004 of a brain tumour, and his family had a bench in his memory in the estate that we grew up on. It's in a park, which is locked every evening-and the footage on the TV looks like it's just outside of that!
Watching the news seeing the estate, it just brought back memories of back in the day-those were the days. I do miss those days, but I'm SO glad my mum moved us out of that area. smh...it's mad!
I was gonna go down to lay flowers by A's bench on Sunday....man...it's gonna be crazy round that way now!!
I don't even know what to say! I'm just shocked....to be honest, I'm not sure why....there's been like 10 kids killed since January in speculated gang-related ish....but it's not any less heartbreaking for the victims family though is it? I dunno man.....I just dunno....
Watching the news seeing the estate, it just brought back memories of back in the day-those were the days. I do miss those days, but I'm SO glad my mum moved us out of that area. smh...it's mad!
I was gonna go down to lay flowers by A's bench on Sunday....man...it's gonna be crazy round that way now!!
I don't even know what to say! I'm just shocked....to be honest, I'm not sure why....there's been like 10 kids killed since January in speculated gang-related ish....but it's not any less heartbreaking for the victims family though is it? I dunno man.....I just dunno....
Healing...??
These past two days I've been unrecognisable to myself. Yesterday started pretty well. I was in good spirits and all. Then when I got home, I was on the PC looking at some pictures, and I came across a picture of Mr Man and that was enough to through my mood totally off course. I was instantly became angry and upset....I cried, and I cried some more.....went to bed really late, and was dead to the world. Woke up this morning at 8 (start work at 8.30!!)....wasn't too late though. Looking an absolute mess-eyes all f'd up and ish!
Today, Kirk Franklin's latest album is on constant rotation in the ipod...that album is amazing. I've had it for a little while now, but never listened past 'Looking For You' but today I let it play...and yep-I cried and I cried!! I mean, I've never ever been like this-most definitely over a dude! I actually wanted to slap myself upside the head!! I'm feeling like I need to get a grip-but there's oil all on my hands, and I'm slipping!! This crap is the pits! I will say though, that my crying session with Kirk & God's People actually made me feel a little better....which has surprised me to no end...I've definitely gotta say this is some hard ish to get over! I mean, I love Mr Man....but I've gotta love me more...so though I'm now thinking I've made a mistake and I shouldn't have broke things off....deep down I think I made the right decision.....
On other news....I've fallen completely off the 'quit smoking' bandwagon...I'm not gonna try and make excuses for the reasons why-but my willpower has completely gone to pot. I am tryna get back on it....yeah, I'm trying....
Ok-so I have nothing more to give right now...the head's gone!
Today, Kirk Franklin's latest album is on constant rotation in the ipod...that album is amazing. I've had it for a little while now, but never listened past 'Looking For You' but today I let it play...and yep-I cried and I cried!! I mean, I've never ever been like this-most definitely over a dude! I actually wanted to slap myself upside the head!! I'm feeling like I need to get a grip-but there's oil all on my hands, and I'm slipping!! This crap is the pits! I will say though, that my crying session with Kirk & God's People actually made me feel a little better....which has surprised me to no end...I've definitely gotta say this is some hard ish to get over! I mean, I love Mr Man....but I've gotta love me more...so though I'm now thinking I've made a mistake and I shouldn't have broke things off....deep down I think I made the right decision.....
On other news....I've fallen completely off the 'quit smoking' bandwagon...I'm not gonna try and make excuses for the reasons why-but my willpower has completely gone to pot. I am tryna get back on it....yeah, I'm trying....
Ok-so I have nothing more to give right now...the head's gone!
Wednesday, 25 July 2007
Tagged.....again...
So I've been tagged again by Tam (thank you....NOT!) It was hard as hell tryna think of 8 things 1st time around so you know it was harder the 2nd time...but here goes:
The Rules:
1. We have to post these rules before we give you the facts.
2. Players start with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
3. People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.
4. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.
5. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.
1. I have a very sweet tooth...but I hate sugar in my tea
2. I have zero patience..and as a result get mad real quick!
3. I have a high pain threshold. I'll complain the whole time I'm in pain however, but I won't take any painkillers. After 2 years of having daily migraines, I quickly learned that painkillers don't actually do what it says on the tin!
4. I'm kinda slow catching jokes. Unless it's painfully obvious, I'll be looking at you with a dumb look on my face. The joke will then need to be dissected-by which point the joke is no longer funny....I get annoyed with myself when that crap happens!
5.I get attached to people real quick. If you're nice to me-you're my friend. Dunno why-it's real juvenile, but I can't help it. I'm too trusting! This is the reason why I end up hurt all the ruddy time!
6.Despite the fact that I have a ridiculously small car (Smart) I can't park the ruddy thing! Even in the biggest of spaces, I always struggle getting it in the space...go figure!
7.This is really dumb-but I've always wanted to be lactose intolerant, have hayfever and break a bone in order to have a cast for people to sign! I also wanted braces real bad-but when I got em-and my teeth hurt like hell-I was NOT happy!!
8. I'm now mending a broken heart. Breakups are soooooooo crap....and I hate the fact that the heart doesn't listen when the head speaks! Dammit!
I'm actually not gonna tag anyone specifically....but if you wanna do it (again in some cases) then take this as you being officially tagged! (Does that even make sense?)
The Rules:
1. We have to post these rules before we give you the facts.
2. Players start with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
3. People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.
4. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.
5. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.
1. I have a very sweet tooth...but I hate sugar in my tea
2. I have zero patience..and as a result get mad real quick!
3. I have a high pain threshold. I'll complain the whole time I'm in pain however, but I won't take any painkillers. After 2 years of having daily migraines, I quickly learned that painkillers don't actually do what it says on the tin!
4. I'm kinda slow catching jokes. Unless it's painfully obvious, I'll be looking at you with a dumb look on my face. The joke will then need to be dissected-by which point the joke is no longer funny....I get annoyed with myself when that crap happens!
5.I get attached to people real quick. If you're nice to me-you're my friend. Dunno why-it's real juvenile, but I can't help it. I'm too trusting! This is the reason why I end up hurt all the ruddy time!
6.Despite the fact that I have a ridiculously small car (Smart) I can't park the ruddy thing! Even in the biggest of spaces, I always struggle getting it in the space...go figure!
7.This is really dumb-but I've always wanted to be lactose intolerant, have hayfever and break a bone in order to have a cast for people to sign! I also wanted braces real bad-but when I got em-and my teeth hurt like hell-I was NOT happy!!
8. I'm now mending a broken heart. Breakups are soooooooo crap....and I hate the fact that the heart doesn't listen when the head speaks! Dammit!
I'm actually not gonna tag anyone specifically....but if you wanna do it (again in some cases) then take this as you being officially tagged! (Does that even make sense?)
Tuesday, 24 July 2007
Over and Out....
Been one helluva day. I'm in a weird place right now....can't really explain but the long and short of it all is that me and Mr Man are no more. What a turn for the books since just a few weeks ago I was yapping on about fighting for us...and then the other day I was on about how he takes me as I am yadda yadda...well we're not a thing anymore. I feel like an absolute punk....a total idiot-damn my heart for not listening to my head..but then I guess it's better to have things the way they are now, than later down the line.
It all sucks...I'm too tired right now to get into it all, but let's just say I've wasted almost a year of my life-time I can't get back...it's all just gone arse over tits!
Before I go...I just wanna say thanks real quick to Big Sis...Deepnthought-for all those that don't know-she's an AWESOME lady!!
I'm out...a now very single Tom_Gurl
It all sucks...I'm too tired right now to get into it all, but let's just say I've wasted almost a year of my life-time I can't get back...it's all just gone arse over tits!
Before I go...I just wanna say thanks real quick to Big Sis...Deepnthought-for all those that don't know-she's an AWESOME lady!!
I'm out...a now very single Tom_Gurl
Saturday, 21 July 2007
Rambling on a Friday
It's technically Saturday am - but don't watch that!
Today I had the day off from work. It was my intention to go flat hunting...but when I got up, there was some mad torrential raining...and please believe I was NOT about to go out in that rain!! So i did my laundry, jammed on the net best part of the day, Then I eventually got to washing my hair...and then went to the doctors for the ole acne. Same shit, different doctor...I'm now on antibiotics. I'm not really optimistic to be honest, but hey-let's see how it all goes.
But oh-on my way to the doctors I saw the waste of space that is my mum's husband. I was driving down the road, blasting me music singing along as I do, and something caught my eye. I saw him...thought 'is that really him?' he saw me, and had the fucking cheek to look happy to see me...like really-big smiles and shit. I swear I had the Lord and the Devil riding my shoulders. The Lord was telling to me continue on my journey to the doctor's surgery, but the devil was convincing me to reverse my Smartie, and mount the damn pavement heading straight for his stinking ass. You'll be pleased (or not) to know that the good Lord won, and I carried on bout my business. I had to pull over for a minute cos my blood was boiling! I was sooooooo fucking mad-mad cos I hadn't seen him since that fateful day that he left my house, and even more mad, cos the muthafucker looked so damn happy to see me...like he REALLY expected me to stop my car to speak to his sorry ass...erm yeah-I think someone has lost their dyam mind! Stupid ass mofo!! Arrggghh!! Even just typing this has gotten me mad....aight...he gets no more Blog time right now!
Was gonna go into London to swap my Blackberry Pearl for an MDA Vario (I'm a gadget/phone freak) So I get my ticket, and head onto the train platform-only to be told that the ruddy train has been cancelled due to the freakish weather causing flooding on the tracks! Great!! Had to cancel that meeting and rearrange for Sunday.
My LF had arranged for us to go for drinks down the road, so I went home and got ready. Went to a nice little bar down the way...So I've just come home, and I'm in my room writing this. I can hear my neighbours having some kind of domestic dispute. I can hear furniture crashing, and a woman screaming. I've heard this once or twice before, but have never done anything other than pray to God that it's not what I think it is...knowing full well it is. So they haven't had a fight for a good few months, but tonight they're having. So I call the police. Let them know what I can hear, and what I think is happening-that he's beating her up, and they said that they would send a car round asap. Now what I hate is that they have my damn phone number, name and address...but then you know what, if my call is the one that can prevent anything worse, then the feds having my details is a minor ting in the grand scheme....We'll see how long it takes for the feds to come...they're renowned for taking a thousand years....
On other news...I'm off to France tomorrow. Nothing really exciting...just going to shop! It's pretty cheap over there, and me and my fam usually go a couple times a year...so that'll be me tomorrow...all day....hmm....
Anywho blog fam...I'mma leave y'all with peace and love....I'm gonna go and look outta my window, and see when the police turn up!
Today I had the day off from work. It was my intention to go flat hunting...but when I got up, there was some mad torrential raining...and please believe I was NOT about to go out in that rain!! So i did my laundry, jammed on the net best part of the day, Then I eventually got to washing my hair...and then went to the doctors for the ole acne. Same shit, different doctor...I'm now on antibiotics. I'm not really optimistic to be honest, but hey-let's see how it all goes.
But oh-on my way to the doctors I saw the waste of space that is my mum's husband. I was driving down the road, blasting me music singing along as I do, and something caught my eye. I saw him...thought 'is that really him?' he saw me, and had the fucking cheek to look happy to see me...like really-big smiles and shit. I swear I had the Lord and the Devil riding my shoulders. The Lord was telling to me continue on my journey to the doctor's surgery, but the devil was convincing me to reverse my Smartie, and mount the damn pavement heading straight for his stinking ass. You'll be pleased (or not) to know that the good Lord won, and I carried on bout my business. I had to pull over for a minute cos my blood was boiling! I was sooooooo fucking mad-mad cos I hadn't seen him since that fateful day that he left my house, and even more mad, cos the muthafucker looked so damn happy to see me...like he REALLY expected me to stop my car to speak to his sorry ass...erm yeah-I think someone has lost their dyam mind! Stupid ass mofo!! Arrggghh!! Even just typing this has gotten me mad....aight...he gets no more Blog time right now!
Was gonna go into London to swap my Blackberry Pearl for an MDA Vario (I'm a gadget/phone freak) So I get my ticket, and head onto the train platform-only to be told that the ruddy train has been cancelled due to the freakish weather causing flooding on the tracks! Great!! Had to cancel that meeting and rearrange for Sunday.
My LF had arranged for us to go for drinks down the road, so I went home and got ready. Went to a nice little bar down the way...So I've just come home, and I'm in my room writing this. I can hear my neighbours having some kind of domestic dispute. I can hear furniture crashing, and a woman screaming. I've heard this once or twice before, but have never done anything other than pray to God that it's not what I think it is...knowing full well it is. So they haven't had a fight for a good few months, but tonight they're having. So I call the police. Let them know what I can hear, and what I think is happening-that he's beating her up, and they said that they would send a car round asap. Now what I hate is that they have my damn phone number, name and address...but then you know what, if my call is the one that can prevent anything worse, then the feds having my details is a minor ting in the grand scheme....We'll see how long it takes for the feds to come...they're renowned for taking a thousand years....
On other news...I'm off to France tomorrow. Nothing really exciting...just going to shop! It's pretty cheap over there, and me and my fam usually go a couple times a year...so that'll be me tomorrow...all day....hmm....
Anywho blog fam...I'mma leave y'all with peace and love....I'm gonna go and look outta my window, and see when the police turn up!
Thursday, 19 July 2007
Tagged!
I had NO intentions of blogging anything today! I'm still in a shitty mood...I'm just minding my business in everyone else's lives...and this chick who we'll call Monie decides to tags me (she even blogged twice in one day-shock horror!!!). I've been reading everyone else's tags, and tryna think of 8 random things is hard dammit...but I'll try-so here goes...
Rules: 1. We have to post these rules before we give you the facts.
2. Players start with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
3. People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.
4. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.
5. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.
1)One of the main reasons why I'm so in Mr Man is because he's taking me as I am. I think if I'm honest about it all, I've always been slightly worried about growing old as a spinster...it's my own fault really-I'm too into my tracksuits & trainers and such...and let's be real it's not REALLY a good look for a chick...but Mr man saw me as I was, and has loved & accepted me. Mary J sang it loud & proud "take me as I am, or have nothing at all"...and in theory it's the way to be...I found out the hard way that tryna change for someone else was not the way...so I'm just me..and I'm happy that I've found someone who loves me for me. (this took me a good half hour to construct so it made some kinda sense!!)
2)I'm afraid of failure...I sit and think about my current situation and the fact that I am not where i wanna be in my career. I worry that I'm getting to old...I worry that the fact that I'm not as hard hearted, thick skinned, or as vocally as I probably should me, that I won't succeed in the cut-throat industry that I want to get into. I'm afraid that my musical creativity will be overshadowed...and it's some of this fear that has prevented me from getting on to set the ball rolling....But hey-who's not afraid of failure?
3) Coming from a big family, I DO NOT want loadsa kids. I only want 2....2 boys...or at a push a boy & a girl. I'll be cursed if I have 2 girls I swear! I can't deal with em-they have waaaay too much mouth!! I'd like at least 1 son so we go do all the boys stuff (lmao)...but seriously, I'll be happy with what the Lord blesses me with....but back to what I was saying...yeah, having 7 kids meant that my mum was unable to give..and maybe identify with the amount of love & attention us kids needed individually and as a result....
4) I'm kinda needy! In all 3 of my past work places, I've somehow managed to befriend the older females (and they've all been black) and they've all seemed to mother me. Like take me under their wing....and such...and to me it just felt right you know. After some analysis, I've discovered that I give off something that makes these women want to mother me...and where I don't have a wonderful relationship with my mum...and didn't grow up with open affection I've seeked it elsewhere....I'm always seeking approval from others...
5)I have an obsession with stationary. I love pens, pencils, rulers...the lot! I'm always on the lookout for nice writing pens....I've got loads, and considering the fact that I sit at a PC all day, and don't study at the mo, I tend not to use em very often...but don't you dare touch em...cos then we'll have a problem
6) I love to travel. I aim to go away at least once every year. I've been to Cyprus twice, France uncountable times, Portugal (my 1st and last holiday with the sperm donor) Cuba & Jamaica (5 times)...I'm now planning for the US, South Africa...and many other countries in the world. Maybe a bit weird, but I refuse to go to the Bahamas, cos it was where my favourite r&b singer was killed....I guess that should be a reason for me to go...but nope-Something in me won't even consider the idea of going to the Bahamas-I've heard it's nice there...Is it Royce's Daughter?
7)I've admitted this on Mz Coko's page...but I'm absolutely, positively obsessively in love with Lil Wayne....ok-you can get rid of the vomit in your mouth....lol...but something about this dude just does it for me! I have no idea why-cos I swear up until about 6 months ago, he repulsed me...he was never cute to me....but now I loves me some Weezy F. Baby...he's my guilty pleasure! *Smile*
8) Ok-I'm well and truly stumped....and I'm mad cos I just broke the longest nail I've ever had!!! DAMMIT!!! Ok-in line with my lost nail...I hate the sound and feeling of the filing of nails....to me it's like nails dragging down on a chalkboard...It's like my ears are bleeding and my eyes are gonna pop out of my head! As a result I've only had 1 manicure in my life (which I cringed allllllll the way through)...
Phew....glad that's done with....I don't even know who hasn't been tagged yet...I don't wanna be bad minded and tag someone who already has been.....so if I call your name, come to the front, and take the tag graciously....if you've already been tagged, you can be excused...and if you haven't been, and you haven't been named....then you've officially been tagged!!!
So I call upon:
Opinionated Diva
Big Sis DeepnThought
Tanyetta
Mz Coko
Southern Gal (though I know she's tagged herself...but anywhoo)
Monie (I wanna be mean to youuu...lol....j/k)
Can't think of anyone else....shoot-every damn body!!!!
Rules: 1. We have to post these rules before we give you the facts.
2. Players start with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
3. People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.
4. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.
5. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.
1)One of the main reasons why I'm so in Mr Man is because he's taking me as I am. I think if I'm honest about it all, I've always been slightly worried about growing old as a spinster...it's my own fault really-I'm too into my tracksuits & trainers and such...and let's be real it's not REALLY a good look for a chick...but Mr man saw me as I was, and has loved & accepted me. Mary J sang it loud & proud "take me as I am, or have nothing at all"...and in theory it's the way to be...I found out the hard way that tryna change for someone else was not the way...so I'm just me..and I'm happy that I've found someone who loves me for me. (this took me a good half hour to construct so it made some kinda sense!!)
2)I'm afraid of failure...I sit and think about my current situation and the fact that I am not where i wanna be in my career. I worry that I'm getting to old...I worry that the fact that I'm not as hard hearted, thick skinned, or as vocally as I probably should me, that I won't succeed in the cut-throat industry that I want to get into. I'm afraid that my musical creativity will be overshadowed...and it's some of this fear that has prevented me from getting on to set the ball rolling....But hey-who's not afraid of failure?
3) Coming from a big family, I DO NOT want loadsa kids. I only want 2....2 boys...or at a push a boy & a girl. I'll be cursed if I have 2 girls I swear! I can't deal with em-they have waaaay too much mouth!! I'd like at least 1 son so we go do all the boys stuff (lmao)...but seriously, I'll be happy with what the Lord blesses me with....but back to what I was saying...yeah, having 7 kids meant that my mum was unable to give..and maybe identify with the amount of love & attention us kids needed individually and as a result....
4) I'm kinda needy! In all 3 of my past work places, I've somehow managed to befriend the older females (and they've all been black) and they've all seemed to mother me. Like take me under their wing....and such...and to me it just felt right you know. After some analysis, I've discovered that I give off something that makes these women want to mother me...and where I don't have a wonderful relationship with my mum...and didn't grow up with open affection I've seeked it elsewhere....I'm always seeking approval from others...
5)I have an obsession with stationary. I love pens, pencils, rulers...the lot! I'm always on the lookout for nice writing pens....I've got loads, and considering the fact that I sit at a PC all day, and don't study at the mo, I tend not to use em very often...but don't you dare touch em...cos then we'll have a problem
6) I love to travel. I aim to go away at least once every year. I've been to Cyprus twice, France uncountable times, Portugal (my 1st and last holiday with the sperm donor) Cuba & Jamaica (5 times)...I'm now planning for the US, South Africa...and many other countries in the world. Maybe a bit weird, but I refuse to go to the Bahamas, cos it was where my favourite r&b singer was killed....I guess that should be a reason for me to go...but nope-Something in me won't even consider the idea of going to the Bahamas-I've heard it's nice there...Is it Royce's Daughter?
7)I've admitted this on Mz Coko's page...but I'm absolutely, positively obsessively in love with Lil Wayne....ok-you can get rid of the vomit in your mouth....lol...but something about this dude just does it for me! I have no idea why-cos I swear up until about 6 months ago, he repulsed me...he was never cute to me....but now I loves me some Weezy F. Baby...he's my guilty pleasure! *Smile*
8) Ok-I'm well and truly stumped....and I'm mad cos I just broke the longest nail I've ever had!!! DAMMIT!!! Ok-in line with my lost nail...I hate the sound and feeling of the filing of nails....to me it's like nails dragging down on a chalkboard...It's like my ears are bleeding and my eyes are gonna pop out of my head! As a result I've only had 1 manicure in my life (which I cringed allllllll the way through)...
Phew....glad that's done with....I don't even know who hasn't been tagged yet...I don't wanna be bad minded and tag someone who already has been.....so if I call your name, come to the front, and take the tag graciously....if you've already been tagged, you can be excused...and if you haven't been, and you haven't been named....then you've officially been tagged!!!
So I call upon:
Opinionated Diva
Big Sis DeepnThought
Tanyetta
Mz Coko
Southern Gal (though I know she's tagged herself...but anywhoo)
Monie (I wanna be mean to youuu...lol....j/k)
Can't think of anyone else....shoot-every damn body!!!!
Wednesday, 18 July 2007
Hurting...
Sometimes I wonder why things have happened in my life the way they have. It's easy for me to tell others that it's the way God had planned it...but I have a much harder time believing it at times. Right now is one of those times.
I feel like I'm standing at the edge of a mountain, and all it'll take is a small gust of wind to blow me off. I don't know why, but it just feels like everything is building up on top of me. I don't even know why. I don't even know what's really bothering me. It's probably a combination of things...but on a real, I've been through more stuff than this! I've battled through depression, and suicidal thought, I've battled through the pain and anquish of losing my boy A-went to my first funeral. I was able to be there for my SFAM when her ex boyfriend died...and my LF when her mum died...I mean, I've lost so many people within my life...I've had friends and family walk out on me-turn their backs on me...and I've come through it...I've come through all of that a much stronger person-so why is it that right now, I feel like I have no strength? I'm feeling like my life has no purpose-and that there's no point.
I'm trying not to feel sorry for myself-the thing that's frustrating me right now is I don't even know what the heck is wrong with me. I don't understand how I was fine earlier, and now, as I type this tears are rolling down my cheeks, my heart is hurting, and it feels like my world is crumbling around me.
I can't understand where things seemed to have gone wrong. I'm trying to make sense of my thoughts and feelings right now-but it's just not happening.
Shit...I can't do this...
I feel like I'm standing at the edge of a mountain, and all it'll take is a small gust of wind to blow me off. I don't know why, but it just feels like everything is building up on top of me. I don't even know why. I don't even know what's really bothering me. It's probably a combination of things...but on a real, I've been through more stuff than this! I've battled through depression, and suicidal thought, I've battled through the pain and anquish of losing my boy A-went to my first funeral. I was able to be there for my SFAM when her ex boyfriend died...and my LF when her mum died...I mean, I've lost so many people within my life...I've had friends and family walk out on me-turn their backs on me...and I've come through it...I've come through all of that a much stronger person-so why is it that right now, I feel like I have no strength? I'm feeling like my life has no purpose-and that there's no point.
I'm trying not to feel sorry for myself-the thing that's frustrating me right now is I don't even know what the heck is wrong with me. I don't understand how I was fine earlier, and now, as I type this tears are rolling down my cheeks, my heart is hurting, and it feels like my world is crumbling around me.
I can't understand where things seemed to have gone wrong. I'm trying to make sense of my thoughts and feelings right now-but it's just not happening.
Shit...I can't do this...
Tuesday, 17 July 2007
Shit Can't Get Worse...Can It??
I'm depressed, I've got a banging headache, I'm in a bad mood.....can you guess where I am? Yup...back at my mum's house and HATING EVERY SECOND!!
Last night, I invited the girlies round to the flat, and we all chilled and had a good time. It felt so right you know? It was like old times...when I had my own place.
This morning, I get up....get ready for work....I'm in such a bad mood already. All day at work I'm not talking to anyone..doesn't help that my Aunty Reddz comes to visit....leave for work. Soon as I pull up outside the house, my mum comes out of the house and asks me to take her to the Police Station. She lent my brother (who by the way has NO license OR insurance) her car-he got pulled by the feds & got arrested as he had no papers. So she had to go to the local station to collect her car keys. So we go up there. I haven't eaten since lunch, so by this point, I've got a headache. After an hour at the station, she gets her keys. I get home...it's like I never left. Everythings exactly the ruddy same....
My mum goes to get her dreads re-twisted so she's gone for hours. In between this time, my uncle who visits like once every week as it now seems comes down. I'm about to go shower-I open my drawer and I see that my Redd cuzns (sanitary towels)have reduced significantly since the last time I was in my drawer. I ask L-she says she only used one, my sister S hasn't seen her Aunty Reddz yet, so I go down to ask my mum. She says yeah it was her. The reason why I'm tryna find out, is cos I hate-and everyone knows this, when people go through my tings...now in the instance of the cuz'ns-I'm not bothered cos you had to use em, I'm annoyed that you didn't say-you made me get mad 1st and had I not have asked, she wouldn't have said. Maybe I'm being petty but shit like this gets on my nerves. I don't say anything though...and I hear her say something about buying em back. I'm not needing her to-it's nothing major though, so I head back to my room to chill.
My mum & my uncle head out somewhere-probably to pick up my brother from the station...but she didn't tell me so I didn't ask. Now, whilst their out my sister's coming up the stairs announcing 'everyone I do-dooo'...now let me take you back a little. My sister turned 3 in June. She's been toilet trained since she was about 1 and a half or so. Now for the past 6 months, she's been shitting in her panties. She will only use the toilet to pee...and that's it. So as soon as she shits-which is a few times a day I may add....she'll boast about what she's done like it's something to be proud of. Now my mum woun't take relevant steps to curb this behaviour. See though my sister is only 3-she's smart as hell! When she's at nursery this DOES NOT HAPPEN! It's only when she's at home or out with my mum. I'm at the point now, where I refuse to entertain her, so when she shits...she has to go tell someone else cos I'm not changing her....bad mind I know, but I'm not tryna deal with it. Now I've mentioned before, that my mum likes to act like a responsible-free woman, so she gets mad when no one wants to change the chile. She can't tell me anything cos I'm not having it.
So anyways, my sister L cleans up T (the 3 yr old) in the end. My mum comes home and she goes to my sister L's room, and she's making all this noise, talking bout how we're gonna have kids of our own, and blah blah (I tuned her out) Not entirely sure what she was fired up about, but to me, instead of getting mad cos no one wants to change her, how about you try and sort out what needs to be to make the dyam chile use the toilet! She KNOWS WHAT SHE'S DOING! On passing my room she then throws a bag in. I'm thinking what's that? I get up, have a look....yep-my mum bouGHt a pack of Redd cuz'ns.....I just chuckled to myself...as of right now they're still sitting there! Yep-my mum is now fully in 'Operation Petty' mode. I don't have the patience to deal with her!
I'M NOT A CELEBRITY...BUT GET ME OUTTA HERE!!
Lawd knows I can't take this crap no more!!!! So right now, as I've said, I have a headache! My head's feeling like it's about to explode. I just feel so deflated...alone...confused and fed up!
Pray for me blog fam....
Last night, I invited the girlies round to the flat, and we all chilled and had a good time. It felt so right you know? It was like old times...when I had my own place.
This morning, I get up....get ready for work....I'm in such a bad mood already. All day at work I'm not talking to anyone..doesn't help that my Aunty Reddz comes to visit....leave for work. Soon as I pull up outside the house, my mum comes out of the house and asks me to take her to the Police Station. She lent my brother (who by the way has NO license OR insurance) her car-he got pulled by the feds & got arrested as he had no papers. So she had to go to the local station to collect her car keys. So we go up there. I haven't eaten since lunch, so by this point, I've got a headache. After an hour at the station, she gets her keys. I get home...it's like I never left. Everythings exactly the ruddy same....
My mum goes to get her dreads re-twisted so she's gone for hours. In between this time, my uncle who visits like once every week as it now seems comes down. I'm about to go shower-I open my drawer and I see that my Redd cuzns (sanitary towels)have reduced significantly since the last time I was in my drawer. I ask L-she says she only used one, my sister S hasn't seen her Aunty Reddz yet, so I go down to ask my mum. She says yeah it was her. The reason why I'm tryna find out, is cos I hate-and everyone knows this, when people go through my tings...now in the instance of the cuz'ns-I'm not bothered cos you had to use em, I'm annoyed that you didn't say-you made me get mad 1st and had I not have asked, she wouldn't have said. Maybe I'm being petty but shit like this gets on my nerves. I don't say anything though...and I hear her say something about buying em back. I'm not needing her to-it's nothing major though, so I head back to my room to chill.
My mum & my uncle head out somewhere-probably to pick up my brother from the station...but she didn't tell me so I didn't ask. Now, whilst their out my sister's coming up the stairs announcing 'everyone I do-dooo'...now let me take you back a little. My sister turned 3 in June. She's been toilet trained since she was about 1 and a half or so. Now for the past 6 months, she's been shitting in her panties. She will only use the toilet to pee...and that's it. So as soon as she shits-which is a few times a day I may add....she'll boast about what she's done like it's something to be proud of. Now my mum woun't take relevant steps to curb this behaviour. See though my sister is only 3-she's smart as hell! When she's at nursery this DOES NOT HAPPEN! It's only when she's at home or out with my mum. I'm at the point now, where I refuse to entertain her, so when she shits...she has to go tell someone else cos I'm not changing her....bad mind I know, but I'm not tryna deal with it. Now I've mentioned before, that my mum likes to act like a responsible-free woman, so she gets mad when no one wants to change the chile. She can't tell me anything cos I'm not having it.
So anyways, my sister L cleans up T (the 3 yr old) in the end. My mum comes home and she goes to my sister L's room, and she's making all this noise, talking bout how we're gonna have kids of our own, and blah blah (I tuned her out) Not entirely sure what she was fired up about, but to me, instead of getting mad cos no one wants to change her, how about you try and sort out what needs to be to make the dyam chile use the toilet! She KNOWS WHAT SHE'S DOING! On passing my room she then throws a bag in. I'm thinking what's that? I get up, have a look....yep-my mum bouGHt a pack of Redd cuz'ns.....I just chuckled to myself...as of right now they're still sitting there! Yep-my mum is now fully in 'Operation Petty' mode. I don't have the patience to deal with her!
I'M NOT A CELEBRITY...BUT GET ME OUTTA HERE!!
Lawd knows I can't take this crap no more!!!! So right now, as I've said, I have a headache! My head's feeling like it's about to explode. I just feel so deflated...alone...confused and fed up!
Pray for me blog fam....
Sunday, 15 July 2007
A Night Out
So I just come home from a night out...it's just after 2am...but I'm not tired, so I've figured what's the point in pretending that I am! So I'm sitting in the chair in this flat that I'm looking after watching music vids.
Spent the day with the family today. There was some festival type thing at Lloyd's park, so we all headed down there. I stopped by my house on my way to my sisters to get my bus pass, and when my mum saw me she screwed up her face like she just smelled shit or something....I said hello to her, and she responded-I was gonna ask her why she was looking at me like that, but I figured that would be what she wanted in order to start some ish so I said nothing. Headed out to my sisters house....and it turns out my mum and them lot where heading to the park as well & was meeting at my sisters. About 5 mins after I got to my sister's house, my mum and the kids pulled up. We went to the park-had to get wicked on some people on the tram though! Basically, cos everyone and their dog was heading to the park, we had to let 3 trams go by cos it was too rammed. The 4th tram comes along and I'm determined to get on. We folded up my nephews pram, and my sister was carrying him in the car seat (that clips into the buggy when it's all up)...so the tram comes...it's kinda packed, but there's room. So as the doors open, my sister's tryna get on with my neph, and this stupid smelly little boy (he was about 13) tries to get on before her! I'm not having it! Surely you can see someone with a baby right there! I just my arm out and was like 'nah you wait there' and my sister got on. I then stood so my mum and the kids could get on. My mum was like I'll wait for the next one-i was like nope-get on the tram. Once everyone was on..then some stupid woman behind me WHO COULD SEE WHAT I WAS DOING then says to me'are you getting on love'...I turned to her and said 'yeah in a minute' and that was the end of that! Had to give her attitude cos she was being dumb! Not the time lady it's hot as hell & I'm irritable right now!!! Made it to the park. It was alright...saw bare people from the ends...but overall quite good.
Left early-it was FE's post b'day celebrations and we were heading to Brixton to a little bar...got home and got ready. Picked up my SFAM and headed down there. In true 'us' style, we were late...but in time for food. Two yard men felt the need to overly talk about crap to us until FE's new boyfriend came....then we're all sitting chilling and this dude names Tony decides to sit next to me and talk my ruddy ear off! He was a nice enough guy and all.....and BWOY did he have sweet smelling breath! I was soo surprised...I mean like there was no scent-at all! He was drinking beer, and we were facing each other as he told me a whole plot to some film or another...and people-I couldn't even smell the beer to raas!! He had really nice teeth too....hate to say it but oral hygiene isn't really the greatest out in JA...but this dude had some pretty gnashers! lol! We had some over long conversation about a woman sleeping with a man for a million pounds...I told him I'd never do it...and he's chatting crap & shit bout how if a man propositioned his sister or his girl he'd tell em to go tru and do it....what kinda bull is that? Anywho, he was a nice enough dude with pretty good conversation...he was tryna get at me, but I wasn't having it...he was tryna get us to go Z bar, and after Satay Bar (the one we were in) we did go by Z but it was dead...so we went to Acres. Went to a 'reserved' area...that actually wasn't reserved for us...but the workers there thought it was cos there was so many of us....so we chilled there...drank some drinks and danced to a coupla out skool tunes.
Me & my SFAM left....I dropped her home...and here I am now at this gaff watching TV!
My sis called me a little while ago, saying that she's having really bad back & stomach pains, and that her breasts feel really heavy. She's on these meds & she's taking like 12 tabs a day. I told her to read the leaflet ting that comes with the meds to find out what the side effects of them are...and she's pretty much suffering from them, but the instructions are to contact your doctor if you're experiencing them so I told her call the hospital hot line for advice. They told her that she should get checked out-but they would call her doctor, and the doctor will call her in the next hour or so....fingers crossed she won't have to go back to the hospital for anything...It's funny cos I was actually gonna stay at my mum's tonight, cos it was so close to my SFAM's house, and I couldn't be bothered to drive all the way to this flat...but I remembered I left a window open-and though the flats on the 1st floor, I'm not tryna take any chances...so now I'm here, there's a possibility I'll have to go back to my mums to get my sister to drive up to the hospital. if I have to, then I won't be coming back here-I'll stay at my mums...I can't be dealing with all this driving at this time of the morn!!
Ok...I think that's enough rambling-don't you agree??
I'm Out....Tom_Gurl
Spent the day with the family today. There was some festival type thing at Lloyd's park, so we all headed down there. I stopped by my house on my way to my sisters to get my bus pass, and when my mum saw me she screwed up her face like she just smelled shit or something....I said hello to her, and she responded-I was gonna ask her why she was looking at me like that, but I figured that would be what she wanted in order to start some ish so I said nothing. Headed out to my sisters house....and it turns out my mum and them lot where heading to the park as well & was meeting at my sisters. About 5 mins after I got to my sister's house, my mum and the kids pulled up. We went to the park-had to get wicked on some people on the tram though! Basically, cos everyone and their dog was heading to the park, we had to let 3 trams go by cos it was too rammed. The 4th tram comes along and I'm determined to get on. We folded up my nephews pram, and my sister was carrying him in the car seat (that clips into the buggy when it's all up)...so the tram comes...it's kinda packed, but there's room. So as the doors open, my sister's tryna get on with my neph, and this stupid smelly little boy (he was about 13) tries to get on before her! I'm not having it! Surely you can see someone with a baby right there! I just my arm out and was like 'nah you wait there' and my sister got on. I then stood so my mum and the kids could get on. My mum was like I'll wait for the next one-i was like nope-get on the tram. Once everyone was on..then some stupid woman behind me WHO COULD SEE WHAT I WAS DOING then says to me'are you getting on love'...I turned to her and said 'yeah in a minute' and that was the end of that! Had to give her attitude cos she was being dumb! Not the time lady it's hot as hell & I'm irritable right now!!! Made it to the park. It was alright...saw bare people from the ends...but overall quite good.
Left early-it was FE's post b'day celebrations and we were heading to Brixton to a little bar...got home and got ready. Picked up my SFAM and headed down there. In true 'us' style, we were late...but in time for food. Two yard men felt the need to overly talk about crap to us until FE's new boyfriend came....then we're all sitting chilling and this dude names Tony decides to sit next to me and talk my ruddy ear off! He was a nice enough guy and all.....and BWOY did he have sweet smelling breath! I was soo surprised...I mean like there was no scent-at all! He was drinking beer, and we were facing each other as he told me a whole plot to some film or another...and people-I couldn't even smell the beer to raas!! He had really nice teeth too....hate to say it but oral hygiene isn't really the greatest out in JA...but this dude had some pretty gnashers! lol! We had some over long conversation about a woman sleeping with a man for a million pounds...I told him I'd never do it...and he's chatting crap & shit bout how if a man propositioned his sister or his girl he'd tell em to go tru and do it....what kinda bull is that? Anywho, he was a nice enough dude with pretty good conversation...he was tryna get at me, but I wasn't having it...he was tryna get us to go Z bar, and after Satay Bar (the one we were in) we did go by Z but it was dead...so we went to Acres. Went to a 'reserved' area...that actually wasn't reserved for us...but the workers there thought it was cos there was so many of us....so we chilled there...drank some drinks and danced to a coupla out skool tunes.
Me & my SFAM left....I dropped her home...and here I am now at this gaff watching TV!
My sis called me a little while ago, saying that she's having really bad back & stomach pains, and that her breasts feel really heavy. She's on these meds & she's taking like 12 tabs a day. I told her to read the leaflet ting that comes with the meds to find out what the side effects of them are...and she's pretty much suffering from them, but the instructions are to contact your doctor if you're experiencing them so I told her call the hospital hot line for advice. They told her that she should get checked out-but they would call her doctor, and the doctor will call her in the next hour or so....fingers crossed she won't have to go back to the hospital for anything...It's funny cos I was actually gonna stay at my mum's tonight, cos it was so close to my SFAM's house, and I couldn't be bothered to drive all the way to this flat...but I remembered I left a window open-and though the flats on the 1st floor, I'm not tryna take any chances...so now I'm here, there's a possibility I'll have to go back to my mums to get my sister to drive up to the hospital. if I have to, then I won't be coming back here-I'll stay at my mums...I can't be dealing with all this driving at this time of the morn!!
Ok...I think that's enough rambling-don't you agree??
I'm Out....Tom_Gurl
Friday, 13 July 2007
Friday Randomness...
Firstly, lemme thank you all for the love, support and encouragement over these past few days (in particular)...my sis is doing ok. Just kinda getting on with it...She'll be okay though. She'd thank you too (if she knew of course).
Secondly, thanks to those who have made me feel SOOOOOO bad cos I've had the odd 'stoagie'....I'm back on the quitting band wagon you'll be pleased to know! Thanks for caring! I'm also now drinking loads and loadsa water! Though I curse you all (with love of course) when I need to pee every 2 mins...I know I'll see the results soon enough, and I'll love you forever!!!!
Last night, I stayed at my friend's humble abode for the first time! I was sooo comfortable! It was like it was my own house! I was loving it! My SFAM came down and we had a good old catch up-I haven't really seen her since she came back from holiday, so that was nice. After she left, I headed to bed, but it took me sooo long to fall asleep!! So today I'm dog tired!! When I went back home yesterday to get my clothes, my mum was still in her mood...so when I left I just said 'I'm not sleeping here tonight' and she was like 'ok'...I could hear her brain ticking over wondering what man I was going to stay with! LMAO! Yeah...right!!
Randomness: I watched Fear Factor - mother & son episode...and saw the most disrespectful thing ever! On one of the challenges the mum f'd up the maneuver...and her son shouts at her 'what the f88k are you doing?'...oh-did I mention it was a MOTHER and son episode! I was gobsmacked! I mean, no matter what me and my mum ever have I'd never DREAM of talking to her like that!! She'd slap the black of me! No word of a lie!!
I was watching the news this morning...and there's a couple of 16 yr old girls who told their parents they were going to France on a school trip....they instead went to GHANA, and got stopped at the airport and was found with £300,000 worth of cocaine. Ain't that some shit?!?! My only question (I'm lying here-I've got loads but the main one) is WHY WAS YOUR FAST ASS DOING IN GHANA?!?!?!?!?!?!? These girls claim they were set up...but they were requested to bring back 2 laptops by some man they met in London...he paid their tickets and accomodation. Now SURELY you know that's suspect! The 1st question I woulda asked is why don't YOOOOOUUUU go and get the bags if it's so straight forward homie?! See...Suspect! If found guilty they're looking @ minimum 10 years....in an adult prison....in GHANA!! *WOW*
Moving On.......................
I really like that Sean Kingston song 'Beautiful Girl' there's something about it that kinda sits uncomfortably-but overall I likes it-I saw the vid this morning...the theme's right for the sample used in the song so it kinda goes hand in hand...no comments about Sean himself....
Saw the vid for Keyshia Cole's new song today too....Honestly-am I the ONLY one that thinks Kim looks like that cat woman Jocelyn Wildenstein....ROTFL....ok-so she's not AS bad...but she's not far off! Goodness!! All on the camera tryna look sexy...But anywho-I likes that song-video's alright....
And how shocked was I when I was over @ Concrete Loop getting my daily dose...and I click on the link of some old school pic of E.V.E getting head from a chick.....*wow* wasn't ready for that this morn as I sipped on me tea!!
That's all I have right now! Going to drinks more water! Loves ya all! :-)
P.S. WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO it's Friday! (this probably shoulda come 1st but anyways....)
Secondly, thanks to those who have made me feel SOOOOOO bad cos I've had the odd 'stoagie'....I'm back on the quitting band wagon you'll be pleased to know! Thanks for caring! I'm also now drinking loads and loadsa water! Though I curse you all (with love of course) when I need to pee every 2 mins...I know I'll see the results soon enough, and I'll love you forever!!!!
Last night, I stayed at my friend's humble abode for the first time! I was sooo comfortable! It was like it was my own house! I was loving it! My SFAM came down and we had a good old catch up-I haven't really seen her since she came back from holiday, so that was nice. After she left, I headed to bed, but it took me sooo long to fall asleep!! So today I'm dog tired!! When I went back home yesterday to get my clothes, my mum was still in her mood...so when I left I just said 'I'm not sleeping here tonight' and she was like 'ok'...I could hear her brain ticking over wondering what man I was going to stay with! LMAO! Yeah...right!!
Randomness: I watched Fear Factor - mother & son episode...and saw the most disrespectful thing ever! On one of the challenges the mum f'd up the maneuver...and her son shouts at her 'what the f88k are you doing?'...oh-did I mention it was a MOTHER and son episode! I was gobsmacked! I mean, no matter what me and my mum ever have I'd never DREAM of talking to her like that!! She'd slap the black of me! No word of a lie!!
I was watching the news this morning...and there's a couple of 16 yr old girls who told their parents they were going to France on a school trip....they instead went to GHANA, and got stopped at the airport and was found with £300,000 worth of cocaine. Ain't that some shit?!?! My only question (I'm lying here-I've got loads but the main one) is WHY WAS YOUR FAST ASS DOING IN GHANA?!?!?!?!?!?!? These girls claim they were set up...but they were requested to bring back 2 laptops by some man they met in London...he paid their tickets and accomodation. Now SURELY you know that's suspect! The 1st question I woulda asked is why don't YOOOOOUUUU go and get the bags if it's so straight forward homie?! See...Suspect! If found guilty they're looking @ minimum 10 years....in an adult prison....in GHANA!! *WOW*
Moving On.......................
I really like that Sean Kingston song 'Beautiful Girl' there's something about it that kinda sits uncomfortably-but overall I likes it-I saw the vid this morning...the theme's right for the sample used in the song so it kinda goes hand in hand...no comments about Sean himself....
Saw the vid for Keyshia Cole's new song today too....Honestly-am I the ONLY one that thinks Kim looks like that cat woman Jocelyn Wildenstein....ROTFL....ok-so she's not AS bad...but she's not far off! Goodness!! All on the camera tryna look sexy...But anywho-I likes that song-video's alright....
And how shocked was I when I was over @ Concrete Loop getting my daily dose...and I click on the link of some old school pic of E.V.E getting head from a chick.....*wow* wasn't ready for that this morn as I sipped on me tea!!
That's all I have right now! Going to drinks more water! Loves ya all! :-)
P.S. WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO it's Friday! (this probably shoulda come 1st but anyways....)
Thursday, 12 July 2007
Quick Update
Came back from the hospital not too long ago. She definately had a miscarriage. There's still some tissue left, so she's on some meds that should take care of that. She'll have to take a pregnancy test in a week, if it's negative, than all's gone but if it's positive she'll have to have an operation...She's doing well though-well as well as can be I guess.
I'm now back at work and I'm a jittering mess! I don't even know why! I've managed to knock over my cup that had this morning's tea in...I've almost knocked over my glass of water (see Ms Diva-I drink water!lol)...I don't even know why I'm like this!! Hopefully it'll pass....cos right now I feel out of control!
I have nothing else to report...so I'm gone (to drink loadsa water!!)
I'm now back at work and I'm a jittering mess! I don't even know why! I've managed to knock over my cup that had this morning's tea in...I've almost knocked over my glass of water (see Ms Diva-I drink water!lol)...I don't even know why I'm like this!! Hopefully it'll pass....cos right now I feel out of control!
I have nothing else to report...so I'm gone (to drink loadsa water!!)
F88ked Up Mindset
My mindset is so off course today! Had an argument with my mum that I could have easily done with out this morning-so that set me off in a bad mood! I've vented already, so I'm not too bad but goodness! Can I get a day when everything just runs right?
Yesterday went out with my team for a 'THANK YOU' dinner at a Turkish restaurant up in London. It was actually really nice. I surprised myself in eating things that I would never normally have...but it was pretty cool. From the restaurant we went to the pub, and had a 'quick'(hour & a half) meeting. Found out interesting things about the company...
It was a pretty good evening out. I don't normally attend work functions-I usually have other things going on at the same time, but it was good to be out and about you know? And the best part of it all is it was FREE!
I drank about 5 glasses of Coke...and I tell ya-it broke my bladder! Every 5 minutes I was bursting to go pee. The journey home was 'fun'..We got the tube back to my workmates flat-I'll be house sitting for her for the next 5 days, and my car was parked outside her house. So we (and her boyfriend whom I met for the 1st time)took the tube back up to her place. For whatever reason, the tube had to wait about 5 minutes at a station-can we say NIGHTMARE! I didn't talk throughout the whole journey, cos I was concentrating so hard to not pee myself. There was this dude at the platform, and he blew a kiss at me *shudders* he was not a thing.....he then got on my carriage, and was walking towards me. Thankfully he didn't stop, but sat where I was in view, and stared at me until he got off. In my head I'm saying 'don't come and talk me....the last thing I can do right now is turn you down politely whilst concentrated on not peeing myself....' Luckily for me, he got off the tube with no problems!!
When I got home my dinner was shared out in a plate on the side in the kitchen. I was kinda surprised cos erm...no one ever shares my dinner out...hmm...interesting! I got home after midnight, so I washed up and went to bed.
This morning, I get up and get ready for work. I have to send something from my home PC to my work email address, so I'm messing about with the PC, and my mum comes to me and says 'if you're not gonna eat dinner can you let me know-this is the 2nd time I've had to throw food in the bin' I thought 'ok, whatever-I'm not even gonna say anything, cos clearly you're fishing for an argument' So I do what I'm doing, go in the kitchen, and the plate is gone. I look in the bin, and the food's in there. So I go to her and ask why she threw the food in the bin, and she was like 'oh there was only a little bit (of lasagne)', I was like, 'yeah, but I could've taken it to work for lunch' and she's like 'well you didn't seem like you was interested' - why-cos I didn't say anything to make you start an argument? She started one anyway moaning about how since Monday I've haven't eaten dinner, and how there's 3 adults in the house, and if she doesn't cook no one does and how she works too, and how she only be cooking for the younger 3 children. I'm mad by this point, cos it's like why we arguing about this? I know she'd be begging to continue something since Monday, but where I haven't been home she's been unable to. I told her that I was messing with her on Monday, but that she decided to take it all wrong to argue....and that I was out with my work peeps yesterday. She's then like 'oh you could've phoned to tell me' I'm like WHY? I've never had to before?? I left her to talk to herself, and I heard her mumbling bout how the money I give her isn't enough & all this crap. But you know what-I'm out soon so you ain't gotta worry bout none of that!. On Monday, after the argument I wasn't tryna eat no dinner, so she could have something to argue about, Tuesday I was the hospital for most of the evening, and grabbed food on my way home, and yesterday I was taken out for dinner! Since I've been back at my mum's house, I've never had to say whether I'm coming home for dinner or not, so why all of a sudden do I have to-if that's what you want LET ME KNOW! I'm supposed to automatically know shit's changing WITHOUT you saying so? I mean, yes I'm grateful that she cooks dinner-I mean they're HER kids! Shoot-I don't have to eat dinner-I can have tea and toast and be cool for the night! It's not my responsibility to feed your kids, and I do help out throughout the house in other ways than cooking. I mean, when I come home from a 9 hour shift that LAST thing I wanna do is cook big bwoy dinner-and if I do, I'm not gonna start cooking up soon as I walk through the door...I like to rest a little first!! And the funniest thing that she said was that cos of me not eating dinner, she's had to throw food away...SHE DOES THIS EVERY FRICKING DAY! My mum likes to cook like she's feeding the 5,000...so more often than not, there's food being thrown away-don't try and put that shit on me!
I'm so fed up, I've had enough of my mum and her pettiness! She loves an argument, and she seems to love picking it with me. But I'm not in it man!I don't need or want the hype in my life man-it's not for me. I'm looking tirelessly for a flat...thankfully I'll be out at my friend's for the next 5 days, and then when I get back, it'll be a few weeks before I'm out permanently....I'm just hoping for no more madness between no and then, cos I can't be dealing with it.
On other news, my sister has a scan today at 1.30 to check that everything that is meant to be out as a result of her miscarriage is out. I dunno why, but a part of me is hoping that somehow or someway it wasn't a miscarriage...I don't even know why, cos she's not wanting to have a kid now...but a miscarriage is just so traumatic....I don't even know what I'm tryna say...
More news: My face hass still got the stupis rash! It's almost like it's getting worse-it may not be, but it damn sure isn't getting better! I can't be dealing with this either!
Fuck it all man...I can't be bothered.
Yesterday went out with my team for a 'THANK YOU' dinner at a Turkish restaurant up in London. It was actually really nice. I surprised myself in eating things that I would never normally have...but it was pretty cool. From the restaurant we went to the pub, and had a 'quick'(hour & a half) meeting. Found out interesting things about the company...
It was a pretty good evening out. I don't normally attend work functions-I usually have other things going on at the same time, but it was good to be out and about you know? And the best part of it all is it was FREE!
I drank about 5 glasses of Coke...and I tell ya-it broke my bladder! Every 5 minutes I was bursting to go pee. The journey home was 'fun'..We got the tube back to my workmates flat-I'll be house sitting for her for the next 5 days, and my car was parked outside her house. So we (and her boyfriend whom I met for the 1st time)took the tube back up to her place. For whatever reason, the tube had to wait about 5 minutes at a station-can we say NIGHTMARE! I didn't talk throughout the whole journey, cos I was concentrating so hard to not pee myself. There was this dude at the platform, and he blew a kiss at me *shudders* he was not a thing.....he then got on my carriage, and was walking towards me. Thankfully he didn't stop, but sat where I was in view, and stared at me until he got off. In my head I'm saying 'don't come and talk me....the last thing I can do right now is turn you down politely whilst concentrated on not peeing myself....' Luckily for me, he got off the tube with no problems!!
When I got home my dinner was shared out in a plate on the side in the kitchen. I was kinda surprised cos erm...no one ever shares my dinner out...hmm...interesting! I got home after midnight, so I washed up and went to bed.
This morning, I get up and get ready for work. I have to send something from my home PC to my work email address, so I'm messing about with the PC, and my mum comes to me and says 'if you're not gonna eat dinner can you let me know-this is the 2nd time I've had to throw food in the bin' I thought 'ok, whatever-I'm not even gonna say anything, cos clearly you're fishing for an argument' So I do what I'm doing, go in the kitchen, and the plate is gone. I look in the bin, and the food's in there. So I go to her and ask why she threw the food in the bin, and she was like 'oh there was only a little bit (of lasagne)', I was like, 'yeah, but I could've taken it to work for lunch' and she's like 'well you didn't seem like you was interested' - why-cos I didn't say anything to make you start an argument? She started one anyway moaning about how since Monday I've haven't eaten dinner, and how there's 3 adults in the house, and if she doesn't cook no one does and how she works too, and how she only be cooking for the younger 3 children. I'm mad by this point, cos it's like why we arguing about this? I know she'd be begging to continue something since Monday, but where I haven't been home she's been unable to. I told her that I was messing with her on Monday, but that she decided to take it all wrong to argue....and that I was out with my work peeps yesterday. She's then like 'oh you could've phoned to tell me' I'm like WHY? I've never had to before?? I left her to talk to herself, and I heard her mumbling bout how the money I give her isn't enough & all this crap. But you know what-I'm out soon so you ain't gotta worry bout none of that!. On Monday, after the argument I wasn't tryna eat no dinner, so she could have something to argue about, Tuesday I was the hospital for most of the evening, and grabbed food on my way home, and yesterday I was taken out for dinner! Since I've been back at my mum's house, I've never had to say whether I'm coming home for dinner or not, so why all of a sudden do I have to-if that's what you want LET ME KNOW! I'm supposed to automatically know shit's changing WITHOUT you saying so? I mean, yes I'm grateful that she cooks dinner-I mean they're HER kids! Shoot-I don't have to eat dinner-I can have tea and toast and be cool for the night! It's not my responsibility to feed your kids, and I do help out throughout the house in other ways than cooking. I mean, when I come home from a 9 hour shift that LAST thing I wanna do is cook big bwoy dinner-and if I do, I'm not gonna start cooking up soon as I walk through the door...I like to rest a little first!! And the funniest thing that she said was that cos of me not eating dinner, she's had to throw food away...SHE DOES THIS EVERY FRICKING DAY! My mum likes to cook like she's feeding the 5,000...so more often than not, there's food being thrown away-don't try and put that shit on me!
I'm so fed up, I've had enough of my mum and her pettiness! She loves an argument, and she seems to love picking it with me. But I'm not in it man!I don't need or want the hype in my life man-it's not for me. I'm looking tirelessly for a flat...thankfully I'll be out at my friend's for the next 5 days, and then when I get back, it'll be a few weeks before I'm out permanently....I'm just hoping for no more madness between no and then, cos I can't be dealing with it.
On other news, my sister has a scan today at 1.30 to check that everything that is meant to be out as a result of her miscarriage is out. I dunno why, but a part of me is hoping that somehow or someway it wasn't a miscarriage...I don't even know why, cos she's not wanting to have a kid now...but a miscarriage is just so traumatic....I don't even know what I'm tryna say...
More news: My face hass still got the stupis rash! It's almost like it's getting worse-it may not be, but it damn sure isn't getting better! I can't be dealing with this either!
Fuck it all man...I can't be bothered.
Tuesday, 10 July 2007
A Life Not Meant To Be
Ok, so I'd plan on having this post be about the fact that my day wasn't the greatest...but what's happened today is on such a grander scale, that it's not even worth mentioning what happened earlier.
So I'm home from work, and I'm chilling in my room. I'm in a mood, and not really in the mood for anyone or anything. My sister L calls me from her bedroom, but I can't hear her and I can't be bothered to get up. She calls me on my mobile, and it sounds like she's crying. She asks me to come to her room. So I head to her room-kinda nervous, cos I'm thinking what's happening. Go into her room, and shut the door. She's over by her bed, and she's crying. She mumbles something. I'm like what did you say? She says I just had a miscarriage. I'm standing there-looking at her dumbfounded! In my head I'm thinking, did she just say miscarriage? That means she was pregnant. It's like she read my mind, cos she then tells me that she was pregnant. 5 weeks gone. She said that she had planned to have an abortion this coming Friday. I was in absolute shock! She found out last week. She didn't tell me cos she figured I'd tell my older sister-who in turn would have told my mum. She had told her boyfriend, and her best friend. Turns out the condom split-she said that she had taken the morning after pill-but evidently it didn't do the trick. She told me that she had been bleeding pretty much all day, but she had just go to the bathroom, and had seen, what is now known to be the foetus in the toilet.
I was like-you have to tell someone-like mum or N (my older sis) but she didn't want to. I suggested we called the hospital hot line to find out what to do next. They said to call the emergency doctor, and then take it from there. Did that, and was advised to go to Accident & Emergency department at the hospital. So I took her-told my mum we were heading to my aunts house.
We go to the hospital, and after much wait, she gets seen by the triage nurse. Now this lady-hmm....I could have quite easily have slapped her upside her head. She would be asking my sister a question, but be looking at me to answer it. Erm-who's the patient here? There was constantly nurses coming in and out of the room as well, and that was getting on my nerves...I mean, whatever happened to a confidentiality? anyways, after seeing this nurse, she has bloods taken, and then we wait to be seen by the doctor. When she is eventually seen....she asks my sister some questions, and it's apparent that she has had a miscarriage. The doctor just seemed really insensitive about the whole situation. I mean, it's my sister's 1st pregnancy, she's just miscarried-regardless of what her future plans were, and there was no offer of anything-no counselling...nothing. She said that my sister should get a call tomorrow to come back to the hospital for a scan to check that what should now be out has done so. She was then allowed to go home.
So now I'm home, I still can't believe that what has happened really has. I mean, my lil 18 year old sister was pregnant y'all. And the type of relationship that we have collectively, made her feel like she couldn't come to one of us to let us know. She was gonna have an abortion and deal with whatever comes with that on her own. It was her friend that told her to tell someone about the miscarriage-and I'm glad she told me. We've been able to talk on a level this evening...but it's a shame that it's something like this that's brought us here. I asked her how she felt. She said that she was happy that it's happened this way-so that she didn't have to have the abortion, but was sad at the same time, cos she'd miscarried. That there was no option to change her mind about wanting the baby. She was wondering why her. I told her that this situation is one that no one can explain. That just because she had this abortion does not mean that she was guaranteed to have another in the future. That the fact that she had a miscarriage may make things easier to deal with, because it was something that she couldn't control, whereas with the abortion there would be alot more guilt etc involved. She understood what I meant...I mean I've not been pregnant, has a miscarriage nor an abortion so I can't say what kinda feelings one would feel...but I told her that if she decided to tell my mum or my sister, that it was up to her-....that I wouldn't tell if/when she does, I'll get cussed for not saying something-but you know it's whatever..I'm willing to deal with being the scum of the earth and hearing the cussing. I'd do that fo my lil si and that if she ever wanted to talk about anything I'd be there. I told her that I'd be there when she goes to the scan.
Now do you guys think I'm wrong for not telling my mum about what's happened? Bearing in mind, that I don't want my sister to not trust me with things-I mean if she was willing to go though an abortion without telling any of us, what else could she potentially go through and feel like she has no one to tell. I want her to feel that she can come to me. Not only that, but none of us really have a great relationship with my mum, There's so many things that could be said about this, but it's too long to really go into-so for right now, I won't. A part of me is trying to put myself in my mum's shoes, to think that my daughter had gone through something like this, but not told me...but again, looking back to things that have happened in the past, my mum hasn't really been one for 'support'. I can more see things from my sister's side...I mean, no one knows about Mr Man, it's so much easier not to say... It's this relationship that we have where we feel like we can't share our personals with our immediate fam. What do you guys think? Am I wrong for upholding my sister's confidence or should I betray that just because in normal situations, girls tell their mums about things like this? Whaddya reckon?
I just ask you guys to pray for my sister's healing....
Tom_Gurl
So I'm home from work, and I'm chilling in my room. I'm in a mood, and not really in the mood for anyone or anything. My sister L calls me from her bedroom, but I can't hear her and I can't be bothered to get up. She calls me on my mobile, and it sounds like she's crying. She asks me to come to her room. So I head to her room-kinda nervous, cos I'm thinking what's happening. Go into her room, and shut the door. She's over by her bed, and she's crying. She mumbles something. I'm like what did you say? She says I just had a miscarriage. I'm standing there-looking at her dumbfounded! In my head I'm thinking, did she just say miscarriage? That means she was pregnant. It's like she read my mind, cos she then tells me that she was pregnant. 5 weeks gone. She said that she had planned to have an abortion this coming Friday. I was in absolute shock! She found out last week. She didn't tell me cos she figured I'd tell my older sister-who in turn would have told my mum. She had told her boyfriend, and her best friend. Turns out the condom split-she said that she had taken the morning after pill-but evidently it didn't do the trick. She told me that she had been bleeding pretty much all day, but she had just go to the bathroom, and had seen, what is now known to be the foetus in the toilet.
I was like-you have to tell someone-like mum or N (my older sis) but she didn't want to. I suggested we called the hospital hot line to find out what to do next. They said to call the emergency doctor, and then take it from there. Did that, and was advised to go to Accident & Emergency department at the hospital. So I took her-told my mum we were heading to my aunts house.
We go to the hospital, and after much wait, she gets seen by the triage nurse. Now this lady-hmm....I could have quite easily have slapped her upside her head. She would be asking my sister a question, but be looking at me to answer it. Erm-who's the patient here? There was constantly nurses coming in and out of the room as well, and that was getting on my nerves...I mean, whatever happened to a confidentiality? anyways, after seeing this nurse, she has bloods taken, and then we wait to be seen by the doctor. When she is eventually seen....she asks my sister some questions, and it's apparent that she has had a miscarriage. The doctor just seemed really insensitive about the whole situation. I mean, it's my sister's 1st pregnancy, she's just miscarried-regardless of what her future plans were, and there was no offer of anything-no counselling...nothing. She said that my sister should get a call tomorrow to come back to the hospital for a scan to check that what should now be out has done so. She was then allowed to go home.
So now I'm home, I still can't believe that what has happened really has. I mean, my lil 18 year old sister was pregnant y'all. And the type of relationship that we have collectively, made her feel like she couldn't come to one of us to let us know. She was gonna have an abortion and deal with whatever comes with that on her own. It was her friend that told her to tell someone about the miscarriage-and I'm glad she told me. We've been able to talk on a level this evening...but it's a shame that it's something like this that's brought us here. I asked her how she felt. She said that she was happy that it's happened this way-so that she didn't have to have the abortion, but was sad at the same time, cos she'd miscarried. That there was no option to change her mind about wanting the baby. She was wondering why her. I told her that this situation is one that no one can explain. That just because she had this abortion does not mean that she was guaranteed to have another in the future. That the fact that she had a miscarriage may make things easier to deal with, because it was something that she couldn't control, whereas with the abortion there would be alot more guilt etc involved. She understood what I meant...I mean I've not been pregnant, has a miscarriage nor an abortion so I can't say what kinda feelings one would feel...but I told her that if she decided to tell my mum or my sister, that it was up to her-....that I wouldn't tell if/when she does, I'll get cussed for not saying something-but you know it's whatever..I'm willing to deal with being the scum of the earth and hearing the cussing. I'd do that fo my lil si and that if she ever wanted to talk about anything I'd be there. I told her that I'd be there when she goes to the scan.
Now do you guys think I'm wrong for not telling my mum about what's happened? Bearing in mind, that I don't want my sister to not trust me with things-I mean if she was willing to go though an abortion without telling any of us, what else could she potentially go through and feel like she has no one to tell. I want her to feel that she can come to me. Not only that, but none of us really have a great relationship with my mum, There's so many things that could be said about this, but it's too long to really go into-so for right now, I won't. A part of me is trying to put myself in my mum's shoes, to think that my daughter had gone through something like this, but not told me...but again, looking back to things that have happened in the past, my mum hasn't really been one for 'support'. I can more see things from my sister's side...I mean, no one knows about Mr Man, it's so much easier not to say... It's this relationship that we have where we feel like we can't share our personals with our immediate fam. What do you guys think? Am I wrong for upholding my sister's confidence or should I betray that just because in normal situations, girls tell their mums about things like this? Whaddya reckon?
I just ask you guys to pray for my sister's healing....
Tom_Gurl
Monday, 9 July 2007
This Is Why I'm Pissed!
I'm SOOO pissed! I swear today has just gone from bad to worse...But I'mma get to that in a minute.
First, let me back track. So I went to this comedy show ting on Saturday night-and it was an ABSOLUTE waste of money!!! The head comedian was a guy called Felix Dexter. He was a funny man back in the day in a comedy show called 'The Real McKoy'...he hasn't really been about since the show....and I was sure he wouldn't be all that funny, but what the heck! The tickets were buy one get one free-so at £4.50 per ticket it wasn't all bad....yeah right! I can't remember how many acts there were, but as well as the comedians, there was a poet and a rapper. So we got to the club about 15 minutes late-and Felix was already up, doing his set. He wasn't totally crap-I laughed a couple times, but it was more a short giggle than anything else. The poet was this dude-I think he was about 20 or so, he was really good. He had some deep lyrics! There was this angry dude named Maverick-he was a seriously angry black man! It was too deep! There was one other comedian that was really good. The rest of the acts were terrible! One lady who was soooo bad-seriously, if she was my mum I'd die from embarrassment! Another dude came on, and he was 10x worse than anyone else! The crowd was talking over him-it was so bad...that he handed back the mic to the MC early, cos he was so crap, and no one was interested. Finally, there was this white rapper/MC chick...who rapped about something or another, and then did some next track called 'this is why I'm broke' on the backing of 'This is why I'm hot'. She was alright-had a couple funny lyrics but it went on for TOO long!!! So when the show FINALLY finished, it was party time! Got hyped for some tunes, cos I haven't had a good raving night out in soooo long...then the DJ-shit as he was- started playing all these bait tunes- JE- where the party at..? J-Kwon -Tipsy! This rave was meant to go on until 3-but we left at about 12.
By this point, I'm out ready for bed! But my SFAM & LF wanted to go on to another club. Went to Brixton, and stopped by Z Bar. Now it's 12.30-Z get's soo rammed, so if you're not there early, wherever you stand, you'll be in the way of traffic, and there's nothing I hate more than being pushed constantly, and hearing tunes that I can't dance to cos there's no ruddy room! Now, as I'm not driving, and the majority was ruling, we went to Z-the bouncer said that it was shutting in half an hour-so it was pointless. Drove around the corner to another club called 'Fridge bar' This place is a TOTAL sweat box! My hair was down-and is bout ready for a touch up-and I KNOW it wouldn't have been able to withstand any heat! Again, all i wanted to do was go bed! My LF wanted to know how much it was etc, and my SFAM nominated me to ask the bouncers...I was unimpressed, cos it's like-'Why do I have to go? I don't even wanna go to this place anyway' but me being me, I said nothing, and went to the bouncer. It was £10 to get in and finished at 4.45. Great! I JUST WANNA GO HOME! My LF attempts to park, but there's no space so we head back home. Inside I'm soooo happy, but I don't let it show! Those 2 decide that they are not done for the night and head on to another club-I opt out...I'm not tryna be rubbed on by old men old enough to be my dad! No thanks! So I get in my Smartie, and go home!
Sunday- went to my nephews school fair. It was a good day out with all the fam-I've got pics, but heck if I know how to put em on here!
So today, I woke up in a pissy mood-dunno why! Got to work-there's no damn parking spaces for my car, so I had to park my Smartie around the corner, half on and off the kerb! Was NOT impressed! Again, I'm the only on my team in the office, so there's shit loads of work to do-pissed!! Go to have my cereal-there's only milk in the fridge from last week-pissed! Ok, I'll just go to the shop and get more right....wrong! The stupid shop only had full fat milk! Great-that's gonna help my Weight Watching isn't it?! By this point, I'm so pissed! I bought a Ribena, choc biscuits, Starburst and a packet of crisps! Fuck the weight watching crap! And fuck this no smoking malarky! Yep-I had a cigarette today-I know I know....but I just had to! I swear, I would have ripped someone's head off otherwise!!!
Leave work, and head home! Finally, the day's over...I can chill at home, and just relax. Got home, and my sister L was about to cook some chicken to have with the rice & peas that my mum cooked yesterday. I actually hate left over rice & peas, but hey-I'm not cooking, so I'mma grin and bare it! I'm upstairs, and then I decide to go down and share my dinner. I see the pot of rice & peas on the floor! So I'm like-why's it there?! Turns out the rice has gone sour, and my sister S was about to put on a pot of basmati rice. I go to my mum's room door, and stick my head in. She tells me that the rice has gone off. So I say-oh what are we gonna have with the chicken-and then she says' go and cook rice-S is cooking rice' So I say....JOKINGLY ' you lot are jokers! ' I ask you Blog fam...what does that mean...i mean REALLY mean!?! To me, not much, since I say it all the time....but anyways, she goes absolutely nuts at me! Talking bout how I don't cook blah blah blah. Granted, I don't cook very often, but if you look at it like this-I get home between 5.15 & 6. The kids are home from 3-4. My mum's home from work at about 2.30 for the kids. It's not my fault that by the time I get home, she's already cooked. She thinks it's too late to start cooking dinner for the kids at 6pm-so really how can I win!??! So she's going off-I'm wondering why she's going off like this, but I'm thinking it's whatever innit! I then think fuck it, jump in my Smartie, and head to the fish & chip shop. Get me some fish & chips-as you can tell-no watching of weight today! But I didn't even care!
Whilst in the shop, I did my good deed for the day. There was a lady in front of me, who had bought food. I watched her count all her coins to make £5. Turns out her food is £5.30. When she realises she's 30p short, she starts digging in her bag, mumbling that she couldn't do. By this point, I had already decided what I was gonna do. The lady behind the counter got my order together, and as I was about to pay, the lady was still looking for more change. So I turn to her and I say 'What do you need? 30p? I'll get that don't worry' and she was like 'no, no...' I said 'seriously, it's fine-let me get that for you'. She accepts, thanks me about a thousand times, and then heads off. She was so grateful! But see I know what it's like to be short a few pennies, and how embarrassing it can be. I didn't make a fuss of it-I had enough money spare, so it's whatever!
Ate my food, chilled in my room for the best part of the evening. I'm just so fed up now! I can't wait for August to come around, so I can get the heck up outta here! Me & my mum get like this sometimes-we just clash about everything! She wants me out-I wanna be out....so soon, we'll both get our wish!
And I'm now pissed cos this acne treatment shit that I got the other day has decided to give me a rash on my whole face. AND I'M PISSED!! This shit itches like mad!!! I'm so annoyed! More so, that it's another shit product claiming to treat acne! It's all a bunch of shit! What is being damn near 25 with acne?!?! Fuck mother nature & her stinking hormones, oil glands and every other bitch mofo that causes the bain of my existence that is ACNE!!!!!! And yeah, I know a change in diet works-I'm working on that....but come on! I've been battling this since I was like 12!! Surely it's enough now!!!
Ok-Ranting over...I'm bout to go make my salad for tomorrows much calmer, less stressed better eating-weight watching tuesday!
Pray for me people....
First, let me back track. So I went to this comedy show ting on Saturday night-and it was an ABSOLUTE waste of money!!! The head comedian was a guy called Felix Dexter. He was a funny man back in the day in a comedy show called 'The Real McKoy'...he hasn't really been about since the show....and I was sure he wouldn't be all that funny, but what the heck! The tickets were buy one get one free-so at £4.50 per ticket it wasn't all bad....yeah right! I can't remember how many acts there were, but as well as the comedians, there was a poet and a rapper. So we got to the club about 15 minutes late-and Felix was already up, doing his set. He wasn't totally crap-I laughed a couple times, but it was more a short giggle than anything else. The poet was this dude-I think he was about 20 or so, he was really good. He had some deep lyrics! There was this angry dude named Maverick-he was a seriously angry black man! It was too deep! There was one other comedian that was really good. The rest of the acts were terrible! One lady who was soooo bad-seriously, if she was my mum I'd die from embarrassment! Another dude came on, and he was 10x worse than anyone else! The crowd was talking over him-it was so bad...that he handed back the mic to the MC early, cos he was so crap, and no one was interested. Finally, there was this white rapper/MC chick...who rapped about something or another, and then did some next track called 'this is why I'm broke' on the backing of 'This is why I'm hot'. She was alright-had a couple funny lyrics but it went on for TOO long!!! So when the show FINALLY finished, it was party time! Got hyped for some tunes, cos I haven't had a good raving night out in soooo long...then the DJ-shit as he was- started playing all these bait tunes- JE- where the party at..? J-Kwon -Tipsy! This rave was meant to go on until 3-but we left at about 12.
By this point, I'm out ready for bed! But my SFAM & LF wanted to go on to another club. Went to Brixton, and stopped by Z Bar. Now it's 12.30-Z get's soo rammed, so if you're not there early, wherever you stand, you'll be in the way of traffic, and there's nothing I hate more than being pushed constantly, and hearing tunes that I can't dance to cos there's no ruddy room! Now, as I'm not driving, and the majority was ruling, we went to Z-the bouncer said that it was shutting in half an hour-so it was pointless. Drove around the corner to another club called 'Fridge bar' This place is a TOTAL sweat box! My hair was down-and is bout ready for a touch up-and I KNOW it wouldn't have been able to withstand any heat! Again, all i wanted to do was go bed! My LF wanted to know how much it was etc, and my SFAM nominated me to ask the bouncers...I was unimpressed, cos it's like-'Why do I have to go? I don't even wanna go to this place anyway' but me being me, I said nothing, and went to the bouncer. It was £10 to get in and finished at 4.45. Great! I JUST WANNA GO HOME! My LF attempts to park, but there's no space so we head back home. Inside I'm soooo happy, but I don't let it show! Those 2 decide that they are not done for the night and head on to another club-I opt out...I'm not tryna be rubbed on by old men old enough to be my dad! No thanks! So I get in my Smartie, and go home!
Sunday- went to my nephews school fair. It was a good day out with all the fam-I've got pics, but heck if I know how to put em on here!
So today, I woke up in a pissy mood-dunno why! Got to work-there's no damn parking spaces for my car, so I had to park my Smartie around the corner, half on and off the kerb! Was NOT impressed! Again, I'm the only on my team in the office, so there's shit loads of work to do-pissed!! Go to have my cereal-there's only milk in the fridge from last week-pissed! Ok, I'll just go to the shop and get more right....wrong! The stupid shop only had full fat milk! Great-that's gonna help my Weight Watching isn't it?! By this point, I'm so pissed! I bought a Ribena, choc biscuits, Starburst and a packet of crisps! Fuck the weight watching crap! And fuck this no smoking malarky! Yep-I had a cigarette today-I know I know....but I just had to! I swear, I would have ripped someone's head off otherwise!!!
Leave work, and head home! Finally, the day's over...I can chill at home, and just relax. Got home, and my sister L was about to cook some chicken to have with the rice & peas that my mum cooked yesterday. I actually hate left over rice & peas, but hey-I'm not cooking, so I'mma grin and bare it! I'm upstairs, and then I decide to go down and share my dinner. I see the pot of rice & peas on the floor! So I'm like-why's it there?! Turns out the rice has gone sour, and my sister S was about to put on a pot of basmati rice. I go to my mum's room door, and stick my head in. She tells me that the rice has gone off. So I say-oh what are we gonna have with the chicken-and then she says' go and cook rice-S is cooking rice' So I say....JOKINGLY ' you lot are jokers! ' I ask you Blog fam...what does that mean...i mean REALLY mean!?! To me, not much, since I say it all the time....but anyways, she goes absolutely nuts at me! Talking bout how I don't cook blah blah blah. Granted, I don't cook very often, but if you look at it like this-I get home between 5.15 & 6. The kids are home from 3-4. My mum's home from work at about 2.30 for the kids. It's not my fault that by the time I get home, she's already cooked. She thinks it's too late to start cooking dinner for the kids at 6pm-so really how can I win!??! So she's going off-I'm wondering why she's going off like this, but I'm thinking it's whatever innit! I then think fuck it, jump in my Smartie, and head to the fish & chip shop. Get me some fish & chips-as you can tell-no watching of weight today! But I didn't even care!
Whilst in the shop, I did my good deed for the day. There was a lady in front of me, who had bought food. I watched her count all her coins to make £5. Turns out her food is £5.30. When she realises she's 30p short, she starts digging in her bag, mumbling that she couldn't do. By this point, I had already decided what I was gonna do. The lady behind the counter got my order together, and as I was about to pay, the lady was still looking for more change. So I turn to her and I say 'What do you need? 30p? I'll get that don't worry' and she was like 'no, no...' I said 'seriously, it's fine-let me get that for you'. She accepts, thanks me about a thousand times, and then heads off. She was so grateful! But see I know what it's like to be short a few pennies, and how embarrassing it can be. I didn't make a fuss of it-I had enough money spare, so it's whatever!
Ate my food, chilled in my room for the best part of the evening. I'm just so fed up now! I can't wait for August to come around, so I can get the heck up outta here! Me & my mum get like this sometimes-we just clash about everything! She wants me out-I wanna be out....so soon, we'll both get our wish!
And I'm now pissed cos this acne treatment shit that I got the other day has decided to give me a rash on my whole face. AND I'M PISSED!! This shit itches like mad!!! I'm so annoyed! More so, that it's another shit product claiming to treat acne! It's all a bunch of shit! What is being damn near 25 with acne?!?! Fuck mother nature & her stinking hormones, oil glands and every other bitch mofo that causes the bain of my existence that is ACNE!!!!!! And yeah, I know a change in diet works-I'm working on that....but come on! I've been battling this since I was like 12!! Surely it's enough now!!!
Ok-Ranting over...I'm bout to go make my salad for tomorrows much calmer, less stressed better eating-weight watching tuesday!
Pray for me people....
Saturday, 7 July 2007
Rememberance...
Today is the 2nd anniversary of the terror attacks that happened in London. Sometimes I still can't believe it's happened-or even that it was 2 years ago! And then there was the failed terror attacks last week-man...it's some scary shit. What happened on 7/7 was on a much smaller scale than 9/11, but it just shows that there's a whole lotta hate in this world. So I'mma take a moment of silence to remember all those that lost their lives, their families left behind & those that were fortunate to survive.......
The sun actually came out today! Infact, it was pretty hot-which is surprising since it's been raining every day for the past 3 weeks or so!! Went on the road, to do a few bits, and then washed my car! It's looking spanking-which I'm real pleased about! I'm so proud of my car-I just hate it when it looks dirty!!
So as I'm writing this, I've got a bitch of a migraine! I'm meant to be going to a comedy show later this evening, but I'm really not feeling it. Jamming at home watching tv seems so much more appealing right now! But I have to go cos the ticket has already been bought! I'm hoping that if I chill for the moment, until it's time to get ready, that my migraine will go! Finger's crossed!
So I'm off to do just that....later!
The sun actually came out today! Infact, it was pretty hot-which is surprising since it's been raining every day for the past 3 weeks or so!! Went on the road, to do a few bits, and then washed my car! It's looking spanking-which I'm real pleased about! I'm so proud of my car-I just hate it when it looks dirty!!
So as I'm writing this, I've got a bitch of a migraine! I'm meant to be going to a comedy show later this evening, but I'm really not feeling it. Jamming at home watching tv seems so much more appealing right now! But I have to go cos the ticket has already been bought! I'm hoping that if I chill for the moment, until it's time to get ready, that my migraine will go! Finger's crossed!
So I'm off to do just that....later!
Friday, 6 July 2007
Can't Leave Em Alone....But You Might Wanna!
Ok, so I wasn't gonna post today, cos I didn't really have much to say (hence why I didn't yesterday)..but then today, at work I was surfing the net-as I do, and I came across the Ciara & 50 Cent video. Urrggggggghhhhh! Is what I can say to that.
Watching that video actually made me physically sick-wanted to puke all over the PC screen! Now, for those of you that have seen the video, or even if you haven't I'm sure you've heard about the 'nude' scene where CiCi & Fiddy are rubbing up each other and ting! YUK YUK YUK! I mean who thought that was a good video concept?!?!? In my opinion, a good video sets a song off. I find that even songs that I don't like, sometimes grow on me once I see the video....can't think of any at the mo to use as an example...but you know what I mean. I don't think they look good as a couple either...I laughed when she was with Bow Weezy-but at least he was good looking!
I liked this song...but now I can't imagine hearing the song without visualising fiddy & Ci all hugged up, rubbing each other up all nakey.... **shudders at thought**
Yesterday I went to visit my aunty & cousin. My cousin's 6, and she's now lost her two front teeth!! They actually weren't ready to come out, but she banged her mouth on her scooter on Tuesday, and one fell out, and then she lost the other on Wednesday. She looks soooo cute, and she talks weird....which is cute too-except for the spit that comes out too....I swear I had about 10 showers in 4 hour time frame!! I had to stay later than I planned, cos I had to wait for her to do her homework. Not that I'm big headed or nothing, but she overly loves me! So when I said I was going home, she was BEGGING me not to...and she wouldn't do her homework...so I had to wait for her to do that! Bless her!!
I've got 1001 things to do this weekend, but at least it doesn't include waking up early & coming to work!!
I have nothing else...the brain is dead!
Laters...... Tom_Gurl
Watching that video actually made me physically sick-wanted to puke all over the PC screen! Now, for those of you that have seen the video, or even if you haven't I'm sure you've heard about the 'nude' scene where CiCi & Fiddy are rubbing up each other and ting! YUK YUK YUK! I mean who thought that was a good video concept?!?!? In my opinion, a good video sets a song off. I find that even songs that I don't like, sometimes grow on me once I see the video....can't think of any at the mo to use as an example...but you know what I mean. I don't think they look good as a couple either...I laughed when she was with Bow Weezy-but at least he was good looking!
I liked this song...but now I can't imagine hearing the song without visualising fiddy & Ci all hugged up, rubbing each other up all nakey.... **shudders at thought**
Yesterday I went to visit my aunty & cousin. My cousin's 6, and she's now lost her two front teeth!! They actually weren't ready to come out, but she banged her mouth on her scooter on Tuesday, and one fell out, and then she lost the other on Wednesday. She looks soooo cute, and she talks weird....which is cute too-except for the spit that comes out too....I swear I had about 10 showers in 4 hour time frame!! I had to stay later than I planned, cos I had to wait for her to do her homework. Not that I'm big headed or nothing, but she overly loves me! So when I said I was going home, she was BEGGING me not to...and she wouldn't do her homework...so I had to wait for her to do that! Bless her!!
I've got 1001 things to do this weekend, but at least it doesn't include waking up early & coming to work!!
I have nothing else...the brain is dead!
Laters...... Tom_Gurl
Wednesday, 4 July 2007
I Slipped Up....
And damn near busted my head.....
Just Kidding...lol!
Wha gwarn blog fam? Yuh cool?
Ok, so firstly let me scold myself-I slipped up...had a cigarette-or two....BUT I'm back on form now. I put myself to the test & failed. But I know for next time!!
So i met up with my SFAM (my bad influence). I haven't seen or spoken to her since she came back from holiday. We were catching up and ting, and then she tells me that she met her boyfriend's family. One of his cousin's was telling her about the girl who got stabbed couple weeks ago. He knows her, and told the story of what went down. It seems that Sian wasn't defending the girl after all-she actually went with her own knife, with the intention of doing some damage. From what's been said the story is, that this dude that the whole thing was over, has a baby with his ex girlfriend. So the ex girl-friend brings the baby round to his house to see his mum. His current girlfriend (who is Sian's friend) somehow finds out that the ex is at the yard, gets pissed and then heads down to the house. Up in the house now, pure arguement, running up and down in the woman's house (yea, I agree....total disrespect) They end up outside, the boy's mum goes upstairs to call the police, cos obviously there's pure ruckus going outside. By the time she gets outside, Sian's lying in a pool of blood.
Now, I dunno exactly how much of this story is true, and it does not invalidate the fact that a young girl is dead, but it does shine a different view to the whole situation. I dunno man, it's a sad situation, and worse still over something that could have easily been sorted by TALKING, a life has been lost. I don't know what's happening to the youth of today man-it's too deep....
On other news, I've now decided to get on to the Weight Watchers bandwagon. I'm not gonna go to the meetings or none of that ish, cos I really don't have £5 to give these people every week. There's another girl at my work place, who sits opposite me, who'll be doing it too, so we'll support each other, and I'm signing up to the gym this weekend, so hopefully things will roll according to plan, and I'll be well on my way to get down to my target weight of about 9 stone. So that's 2 stone to lose....For my US readers (I know you guys measure weight in lbs), I believe I have 28lbs to lose....? Think that's right. If anyone has any tips and ting of how I can make this easier, I'll be very grateful.
Left work early today-went to the opticians, and then decided that I didn't wanna go back to the office-so I didn't. Chilled at home instead. Now I'm sitting in my messy bedroom, looking at the fat pile of ironing I've gotta do....and watching Big Brother. How dry!!!
Sayanara peoples!!
Ms TG
Just Kidding...lol!
Wha gwarn blog fam? Yuh cool?
Ok, so firstly let me scold myself-I slipped up...had a cigarette-or two....BUT I'm back on form now. I put myself to the test & failed. But I know for next time!!
So i met up with my SFAM (my bad influence). I haven't seen or spoken to her since she came back from holiday. We were catching up and ting, and then she tells me that she met her boyfriend's family. One of his cousin's was telling her about the girl who got stabbed couple weeks ago. He knows her, and told the story of what went down. It seems that Sian wasn't defending the girl after all-she actually went with her own knife, with the intention of doing some damage. From what's been said the story is, that this dude that the whole thing was over, has a baby with his ex girlfriend. So the ex girl-friend brings the baby round to his house to see his mum. His current girlfriend (who is Sian's friend) somehow finds out that the ex is at the yard, gets pissed and then heads down to the house. Up in the house now, pure arguement, running up and down in the woman's house (yea, I agree....total disrespect) They end up outside, the boy's mum goes upstairs to call the police, cos obviously there's pure ruckus going outside. By the time she gets outside, Sian's lying in a pool of blood.
Now, I dunno exactly how much of this story is true, and it does not invalidate the fact that a young girl is dead, but it does shine a different view to the whole situation. I dunno man, it's a sad situation, and worse still over something that could have easily been sorted by TALKING, a life has been lost. I don't know what's happening to the youth of today man-it's too deep....
On other news, I've now decided to get on to the Weight Watchers bandwagon. I'm not gonna go to the meetings or none of that ish, cos I really don't have £5 to give these people every week. There's another girl at my work place, who sits opposite me, who'll be doing it too, so we'll support each other, and I'm signing up to the gym this weekend, so hopefully things will roll according to plan, and I'll be well on my way to get down to my target weight of about 9 stone. So that's 2 stone to lose....For my US readers (I know you guys measure weight in lbs), I believe I have 28lbs to lose....? Think that's right. If anyone has any tips and ting of how I can make this easier, I'll be very grateful.
Left work early today-went to the opticians, and then decided that I didn't wanna go back to the office-so I didn't. Chilled at home instead. Now I'm sitting in my messy bedroom, looking at the fat pile of ironing I've gotta do....and watching Big Brother. How dry!!!
Sayanara peoples!!
Ms TG
Dry
I have nothing today...well nothing worth sharing... I might have something later, but I doubt it...I'm dry! And none of blogs that I usually read have been updated-so can you believe-I've been doing WORK all ruddy day!!
Where's the justice!?!
Ms TG....
Where's the justice!?!
Ms TG....
Monday, 2 July 2007
Today...
'Today, I made up my mind,
I'm gonna take this chance,bet my life on this
Cause this precious love I've found in you.
My yesterdays are gone, and tomorrows never promised to no one.
I finally decided boy that my today is you'
(Musiq-Today. 'Luvanmusiq')
This is what I'm feeling today. I've decided I want to be with Mr Man. I had a 1 to 1 with my heart & I've decided to listen. I think I'm being way too hard on him,myself and the situation. I'm starting to understand that there really is many things that are beyond my control, and thought I may want something to be like 'this', God has plans for it to go like 'that-and I need to stop fighting it. I have to trust in His plans. So I'm preparing myself for what may come-be it plain sailing or battles & struggles.
The truth is, I don't know what's ahead of me, but I'm willing to brave the weather and go through it. As the song says, 'my yesterdays are gone-tomorrow's never promised' so I need to stop looking behind me, wondering where things could have been better, and as I don't know what the future holds so I need to focus on now, and take it each day as it comes.
Yesterday, after reading Southern Gal's post of quotes, one in particular was the final push I needed to make my decision. The quote was about a type of love-real love...and as I read that, I realised that I have that type of love. The love that I have for Mr Man is real. It's the kind of love that has me awake at night, that hurts so much that I wanna cry...the love I have for him is worth going through it all-it's worth fighting for. I know it's gonna be hard and I'm really scared of the unknown, but I know how badly I want to be with him, and how much he wants to be with me. I wouldn't want to share this type of love with anyone other than him. He's been prepared to fight for me for a while now. I'm now feel that I'm able to fight for him-for us...
Love is a beautiful thing, but it's hard, it hurts, it's misunderstood and it's complicated, but I'm ready to face it all. I welcome you to join me on my journey. I thank you for being on board thus far-any advice I'm wanting & waiting to hear...Blog fam-I'm ready for this!
Mad love to you all!
Mr Man: 'From my heart to you 143'
(Musiq-143 'Aijuswannaseing')
I'm Out.....Ms TG
I'm gonna take this chance,bet my life on this
Cause this precious love I've found in you.
My yesterdays are gone, and tomorrows never promised to no one.
I finally decided boy that my today is you'
(Musiq-Today. 'Luvanmusiq')
This is what I'm feeling today. I've decided I want to be with Mr Man. I had a 1 to 1 with my heart & I've decided to listen. I think I'm being way too hard on him,myself and the situation. I'm starting to understand that there really is many things that are beyond my control, and thought I may want something to be like 'this', God has plans for it to go like 'that-and I need to stop fighting it. I have to trust in His plans. So I'm preparing myself for what may come-be it plain sailing or battles & struggles.
The truth is, I don't know what's ahead of me, but I'm willing to brave the weather and go through it. As the song says, 'my yesterdays are gone-tomorrow's never promised' so I need to stop looking behind me, wondering where things could have been better, and as I don't know what the future holds so I need to focus on now, and take it each day as it comes.
Yesterday, after reading Southern Gal's post of quotes, one in particular was the final push I needed to make my decision. The quote was about a type of love-real love...and as I read that, I realised that I have that type of love. The love that I have for Mr Man is real. It's the kind of love that has me awake at night, that hurts so much that I wanna cry...the love I have for him is worth going through it all-it's worth fighting for. I know it's gonna be hard and I'm really scared of the unknown, but I know how badly I want to be with him, and how much he wants to be with me. I wouldn't want to share this type of love with anyone other than him. He's been prepared to fight for me for a while now. I'm now feel that I'm able to fight for him-for us...
Love is a beautiful thing, but it's hard, it hurts, it's misunderstood and it's complicated, but I'm ready to face it all. I welcome you to join me on my journey. I thank you for being on board thus far-any advice I'm wanting & waiting to hear...Blog fam-I'm ready for this!
Mad love to you all!
Mr Man: 'From my heart to you 143'
(Musiq-143 'Aijuswannaseing')
I'm Out.....Ms TG
I'm Back...1st Post of July Baaaabeee!!
My internet is still dead! So right now, I'm where I always am...yup-work! I'm tired as sin! My lil sister again, decided to join me in bed at 4 this morning....then woke up every half an hour after that! Absolute nightmare!!
Now as I haven't been able to update all week (I think I'm slightly obsessed with Blogger, cos all I wanted to do was get on it-it was all I thought about all weekend! Sad I know!!), there's alot to update, but to be honest I probably won't go through it all cos it's too ruddy long!
Don't you hate it when you decide to call a friend, and they act like you've done them something?? You know the ones, where by the end of the conversation you're wondering to yourself 'why the fuck did I call you?' This shit happened to me on Friday. I called this girl-she used to be my best friend in school, but she dropped out, had a kid & I didn't speak to her for about 3 years. Back when I was working in IKEA I saw her in there, we spoke for a minute, exchanged numbers and fast forward 3 years, here we are! Now, the type of friendship we now have, is when she's in shit, or there's pure madness in her life, that's when she calls me. In the beginning it used to bother me, cos it was like these were the only times she wanted to talk to me, but after a while, I was just like 'whatever...it is what it is', besides she's always in some kinda hype, and to be honest I'm not tryna be around that!
So anyways, her latest drama is that she's pregnant for some dude who's out on bail out of London for *read slowly* beating up his ex girlfriend.....yep-domestic abuse (please note: Her baby's father used to beat her up also). She's been with this dude for about 7 months now-3 of which he spent in jail. So she's being a ryde or die chick and standing by him *keep my comments to myself* So she intentionally gets pregnant for him, and he's pissed-he already has 2 kids with 2 other women. He tells her that if she keeps it, he'll disown her, and that if he saw her on the road he'd walk past her...yadda yadda. The last time I spoke to her-about 2 weeks ago, she was contemplating abortion. So we talked about it, I told her that ultimately it was her decision, and that I'd support her with whatever she decided to do.
So fast forward 2 weeks, I hadn't heard from her-so I'd been tryna call her all week. Finally get through to her on Friday now, and this chick is acting wierd. So I'm like 'are you ok? Why you sound like that' She's like 'yeah, I'm just tired'...but I'm not convinced. So we talk for a minute and then it gets silly-so I'm like well I'mma leave you to do what your doing....and ended the conversation. I was feeling a way after-I'm thinking if I did something to her...but I know I haven't. I'm just gonna put it down to the fact that she's probably got her shit going on...and well the way I'm seeing it right now, if you aint saying, then I can't help ya...I just didn't appreciate the way she was acting....
Saturday- Went grocery shopping for my granny, and then went on to my sister's house. Chilled there all day. Her boyfriend came home, and she made him put up the TV stand that he's been meaning to do for a good few weeks now. Now, where my sister wanted to put the stand, there wasn't enough room, cos her wardrobe was too far over. So her boyfriend now starts pulling the wardrobe, and lets just say-a new wardrobe is required. The wardrobe's quite big-and has 3 parts to it-where it was pulled & pushed, the screws that were holding the whole thing together got ripped out. I was standing there for about twenty minutes holding up the roof of the ting-trust me, it was NO fun!!!
Sunday- Went to Covent Gardens with my sister, her boyfriend and my nephews. was a good little fam day out. My mum & siblings came down to my sister's for dinner & I went to my Granny's house for dinner (as I do each and every Sunday), then went back up to my sisters house.
I text my friend-the one who's bubby is in hospital, asking how he was. She text me back saying that he had another operation, but that he was doing well. She hasn't held or fed him yet, and she's finding it really hard, but she's being strong for her other two children. I text her back a few words of encouragement, and let her know that they're in my thoughts and prayers. I just pray that he pulls through this...poor little mite.
So that's the radio edit of my weekend. Spending the weekend with my sis was really nice. I haven't been spending much time there of late, but it was good to chill you know!? And her and her boyfriend-when they knock heads it's too funny. I was sitting watching them, and I couldn't help picturing that being me & Mr Man....*sigh*
So that's me....Sorry it's so ruddy long, but thank me later-it could've been a WHOLE LOT WORSE!!
I'm Out....Ms TG.
P.S On my 7th No Smoking Day!!!
Now as I haven't been able to update all week (I think I'm slightly obsessed with Blogger, cos all I wanted to do was get on it-it was all I thought about all weekend! Sad I know!!), there's alot to update, but to be honest I probably won't go through it all cos it's too ruddy long!
Don't you hate it when you decide to call a friend, and they act like you've done them something?? You know the ones, where by the end of the conversation you're wondering to yourself 'why the fuck did I call you?' This shit happened to me on Friday. I called this girl-she used to be my best friend in school, but she dropped out, had a kid & I didn't speak to her for about 3 years. Back when I was working in IKEA I saw her in there, we spoke for a minute, exchanged numbers and fast forward 3 years, here we are! Now, the type of friendship we now have, is when she's in shit, or there's pure madness in her life, that's when she calls me. In the beginning it used to bother me, cos it was like these were the only times she wanted to talk to me, but after a while, I was just like 'whatever...it is what it is', besides she's always in some kinda hype, and to be honest I'm not tryna be around that!
So anyways, her latest drama is that she's pregnant for some dude who's out on bail out of London for *read slowly* beating up his ex girlfriend.....yep-domestic abuse (please note: Her baby's father used to beat her up also). She's been with this dude for about 7 months now-3 of which he spent in jail. So she's being a ryde or die chick and standing by him *keep my comments to myself* So she intentionally gets pregnant for him, and he's pissed-he already has 2 kids with 2 other women. He tells her that if she keeps it, he'll disown her, and that if he saw her on the road he'd walk past her...yadda yadda. The last time I spoke to her-about 2 weeks ago, she was contemplating abortion. So we talked about it, I told her that ultimately it was her decision, and that I'd support her with whatever she decided to do.
So fast forward 2 weeks, I hadn't heard from her-so I'd been tryna call her all week. Finally get through to her on Friday now, and this chick is acting wierd. So I'm like 'are you ok? Why you sound like that' She's like 'yeah, I'm just tired'...but I'm not convinced. So we talk for a minute and then it gets silly-so I'm like well I'mma leave you to do what your doing....and ended the conversation. I was feeling a way after-I'm thinking if I did something to her...but I know I haven't. I'm just gonna put it down to the fact that she's probably got her shit going on...and well the way I'm seeing it right now, if you aint saying, then I can't help ya...I just didn't appreciate the way she was acting....
Saturday- Went grocery shopping for my granny, and then went on to my sister's house. Chilled there all day. Her boyfriend came home, and she made him put up the TV stand that he's been meaning to do for a good few weeks now. Now, where my sister wanted to put the stand, there wasn't enough room, cos her wardrobe was too far over. So her boyfriend now starts pulling the wardrobe, and lets just say-a new wardrobe is required. The wardrobe's quite big-and has 3 parts to it-where it was pulled & pushed, the screws that were holding the whole thing together got ripped out. I was standing there for about twenty minutes holding up the roof of the ting-trust me, it was NO fun!!!
Sunday- Went to Covent Gardens with my sister, her boyfriend and my nephews. was a good little fam day out. My mum & siblings came down to my sister's for dinner & I went to my Granny's house for dinner (as I do each and every Sunday), then went back up to my sisters house.
I text my friend-the one who's bubby is in hospital, asking how he was. She text me back saying that he had another operation, but that he was doing well. She hasn't held or fed him yet, and she's finding it really hard, but she's being strong for her other two children. I text her back a few words of encouragement, and let her know that they're in my thoughts and prayers. I just pray that he pulls through this...poor little mite.
So that's the radio edit of my weekend. Spending the weekend with my sis was really nice. I haven't been spending much time there of late, but it was good to chill you know!? And her and her boyfriend-when they knock heads it's too funny. I was sitting watching them, and I couldn't help picturing that being me & Mr Man....*sigh*
So that's me....Sorry it's so ruddy long, but thank me later-it could've been a WHOLE LOT WORSE!!
I'm Out....Ms TG.
P.S On my 7th No Smoking Day!!!
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