Randomlicious part 2

I had every intention of posting about how my manager's messing with my good spirit....tryna make me get ghetto up in the workplace....but Monie had a better idea!

Here are my 5 random pics from my crackberry....enjoy!
------------------

Random Why's

Why.....

...Have I been eating like I've never eaten before? And of course it's nothing healthy...Chinese, KFC......Guess I can't fight it anymore-I need to start up at the gym!

...Did this boy at the chicken & chip shop (money's too tight for KFC right now!) make such a big deal about having burger sauce on his chips....only to return 2 minutes after he left the shop to ask for another bag, cos he didn't like the burger sauce?

...Did a 2007 Range Rover drive at 10mph ALLLLLLLLL the way down the road? The EMPTY road? Purposely driving in the centre so I couldn't overtake...and damn near stopping whenever a car came up in the other direction????????? Grrrr...I have NO patience for shit/slow drivers!! Get outta my way! I've got chicken to eat fool!!!!

...Is it that relationships are never plain sailing? I mean, why can't it just be the good conversations, the hugs, the kisses, the great sex ;-), the laughs, the fun interaction...? Why do we need to have the stupidty, the immaturity, the dumbness (yes, this is all him), the insecurities (I'll hold my hands up and say that's me), the arguing, the make up sex (which is also great...but WHY does it feel like there's ALWAYS making up to do...??) I don't need perfect, I just need damn near perfect dammit!!! Arrggggh! Why does he frustrate me SOOOOOOOOO much?!?!?

...Does Monie wanna know what I look like???

...Am I dreading Sunday? (It's Mother's day, which means MORE hype from said relative!)

...Am I sooooo in love with my Ipod Nano 3rd gen, and not remotely interested in the Ipod touch..(which is something, considering I'm a gadget freak!)

Speaking of ipods...Why am I still so mad that my Ipod mini no longer works? (Cos it's got PURE tunes on it!!)...And what does one do with her ipod shuffle? (You'd think I had money with all the pods I've got...but I'm broker than a mofo!)

...Is stress making me break out, making my face look like a grater?!?!?!?

...Do I feel like I've eaten an house...when I really haven't

...Am I feeling like upgrading to Internet Explorer 7 was the biggest mistake ever?!?!? It won't let me comment on sooo many blogs...telling me some crap about live feeds...BUT WON'T LET ME COMMENT!!! (please forgive me if you see me on your blog & I don't comment...IE7 won't let me!) :-(

...Has my place of employment prevented me from going onto Blogs? The site isn't blocked-oh no, they're testing my ass to see if I'm gonna defy the new employee handbook! I'm sooooooo annoyed!!!

...Did I take today off work, but feel like the day was wasted..considering I didn't get to do what I took the day off to do?

...Do I bother to take days off, when my manager makes me feel like I'm at work anyways? Talking about crap that can CLEARLY wait until I get back....TOMORROW!!

...Have I got nothing constructive to post about??? Ah well, I've been told to post even when there's nothing....so this here's my post!

Toodles!

The Continued Hype

Just when I thought my Mum couldn't be anymore petty and immature acting, she's proved me wrong!

I haven't seen or spoken to her since the other day. Yesterday, on my way to my Aunty's house, I saw my Mum on the road. I was driving my Granny's car, and as we stopped at a red light, I saw her stopped on the other side of the road. I beeped the horn at her. She looked over, I smiled,the light changed and I carried on driving. I wasn't sure if she'd seen me, cos I wasn't in my car, and her facial expression have me no indication. So I called the house today, and was having an over long conversation with my youngest sister. My response was mainly 'yeah' cos I didn't understand some of what she was saying. She said 'do you wanna talk to mum?' But I said yeah, before I realised what she said...by which point it was too late.

So my Mum comes on the phone, I didn't know what to say really, so I was like have I got any mail? She was like yeah 2 letters. She seemed ok, so I was like, did you see me yesterday? She's like 'yeah I saw you grinning your teeth at me. Why're you grinning for? To show me you were with your beloved Grandma?'.....so we're clearly still being dumb. I was just like Mum, I'll talk to you, cos you're on some hype ting!' and hung up.

So WHY are we still here? Simply cos my Mum likes to forget she's a grown ass woman, and instead prefers to act like she's in a damn playground. As far as I'm concerned what happened the other day is dead now....over with....hence why I spoke to her! To me life is too short to be fooling around with stupid disagreements, but clearly my Mum doesn't think so.

I spoke to my sister, and my Mum brought a dumb arguement to her earlier in the week as well. My mum told my sister that I didn't do anything for her, so she didn't care if me and her wasn't talking. So now I'm like you know what, fine. If you wanna prolong this totally unneccesary disagreement then fair enough. It's whatever then!

I'm expecting a package that's being delivered to her house one day this week, and I've gotta give her money, and collect money from my sister, so I'm gonna go down there on Friday, and if she's still showing me bad face, then I'm done trying with her. I've got my own stuff going on, and I can't be dealing with foolishness too!

Again, if i've missed something, someone please tell me.....cos I really can't make sense of this at all!
------------------

My war scars!

These are my wounds......I laid laminate flooring for my Aunty....and I have wounds.....WOUNDS dammit!

I got a rash from the underlay...

...got my skin caught in between the boards when I was trying to click em together (you can see the rash more in this pic) ...

...and when sawing a plank, the saw somehow managed to jump from the plank I was sawing onto my hand and take away some skin.

Now the real PAINFUL wounds are the ones you can't see, but I can surely feel. My arm muscles are sore, my back hurts so bad I can barely stand straight, and my legs hurt so bad I'm shuffling instead of walking! I look like some hunched back old woman! It's a ruddy joke! But I got PAID so it's not too bad....though tomorrow I will be cussing all and sundry cos the pain will be worse!

I must say though, for all the pain, blood and sweat, the floor looks mighty fly....now it's a shame I didn't think to take a picture of that! Ah well!

Hope you all are having a less painful Saturday!!

That Friday Feeling

It's FINALLY Friday...damn it's been a long and tiring week! Shame the weekend isn't gonna be any easier. I've gotta lay laminate flooring for my Aunty....I'm gonna be in some serious agony come Sunday, but I'm getting paid to do it, so it's not all bad.

I actually have nothing to post about, and I most certainly do NOT have that Friday feeling....though that is what this post is titled...but yeah...everything is pretty much same ole...but I thought I'd share these boots that I got yesterday...my nephew got them firstbut I love em, so I figured I'd get a pair (and he loves me enough to have the same shoe as he), ...oh how it pays to have small feet! Here they are....not to everyone's taste, and very skaterboy-ish, but I love em...here they are....(and yes, I took the pics at my desk! lol)

Hope you all have a good weekend!

Catch up with ya!!

Tom_Gurl

HYPE!!!

Why is everything and everyone so hyped right now? I mean really why is it necessary?

I've been dealing with some stuff recently, and my head's been a bit over the place....so the LAST thing I need right now is an arguement.

So I just called my mum...haven't seen or spoken to her since Friday when we all went out for my nephew's birthday. It was her birthday on Sunday, and I had EVERY intention of going to her house, like I do most Sunday evenings, I called the house, and my sister told me that my mum was sleeping. It was like 8pm. So I'm figuring there's no point going down there cos she's sleeping, and she don't get up for nobody when she's sleeping.....SO considering I was going there to see her, there'd be no point if she'd be sleeping. So I told my sister to tell my Mum happy b'day.

Didn't think anything of it. The fam went to Nando's yesterday for my sister's birthday (pure birthdays in Feb) but I didn't go cos I was stupidly broke, and u knew my mum wouldn't pay for me cos she paid for me on Friday.

So Anywho, I just called her, and the first thing she says is "oh you remember me?" instantly I know she's tryna get into something dumb, so the conversation goes:
Me: what's that supposed to mean?
Her: "what I said"
Me: I'm sure you have a phone too
Her: What?
Me: Well if I don't call you, or come round you don't check for me
Her: That's cos you're always at my house
::Case in point...If I don't come to her house, I don't see or hear from her! And then when I come too regular I'm hearing 'remember you don't live here. She calls my older sister EVERY DAY...more time several times a day, but she don't call me::
Me:Ah whatever Mum
Her: Yes, well it was my birthday and you didn't even call
::Again, Case in point, ANYONE else can not call i.e. my brother, and it's NO big ting....me now it's drama::
Me: I did call, but them kids said you was sleeping.
Her: Yes cos I was tired. Why you call that time anyway?
Me: It was 8! I was gonna come down, but you were sleeping! How am I meant to know you'd be sleeping then?
Her: Cos I was tired. I am allowed to sleep you know! Where was you all day anyways?
Me: At my Granny's
Her: (Overly sarcastic) Oh yeah, the wonderful Grannyhas to come first
Me: you know what Mum-I'll speak to you later
::click!::

Erm...what just happened there? I was just calling to say hi, and I get all that? My Mum's ALWAYS has this thing that I always put my Dad's side of the family over her and my siblings so she'll always have something smart to say. It's not that they don't get on, cos they do...my mum is my cousin's godmother, and my Aunty is my youngest brother and nephew's Godmother...thought neither have seen their Godchildren since when and when time...but anyways!

I don't favour one side of the fam over another...not at all...No one can replace my Mum...same way my grandparents & aunty are irreplaceable. I think what's always gotten to my Mum is I've always had a closer relationship with my Granny and Aunty...but then, I talk to my Mum about things I don't talk to Granny & Aunty about....simple fact-the relationships are DIFFERENT!

My Grandad used to be MAD grumpy, so when them kids used to come to my Granny's, I'd shut the door quietly, otherwise it'd be hours of pure cussing...my mum would see that as me taking care of their house better than hers! I mean, gimme a break!

So when she has snide remarks to make about them, it DOES bother me, and it DOES get my back up....same way if I heard my Aunty or Granny saying anything about my Mum it'd be the same reaction...And in case you're kinda confused, I don't have the same Dad as the rest of my siblings.

So a simple 'hi, how are you conversation' has turned into something much more hyped...and I'm PISSED! I'm sooo not in the mood now, and being as stubborn as I be, I won't go by the house...unless it's to grab mail, and as stubborn as my Mum is, she won't talk to me...ah-this is SO long! Sometimes I wonder if this woman is really a grown ass woman!!

Tell me you guys-did I do something wrong? Honestly, what did I miss??????


------------------

My Grandad

(2 posts in one day...????)

I went to investigate the deal behind my death dream. I found this:

'To dream about the death of a loved one, suggests that you are lacking a certain aspect or quality that the loved one embodies. Ask yourself what makes this person special or what do you like about him. It is that very quality that you are lacking in your own relationship or circumstances.'

And it made me think. My Grandfather is one of the very few positive male influences in my life. Despite the fact that my father is not his child, he never saw me as anything less than his grandchild. He treated me like a Princess, made me feel special. I remember when my cousin came over from Jamaica, and we had a fight (can't remember why) and he bit me on my arm (I still have the scar now) and my Grandad bought my this little dolly, with Ginger hair....this was the first and last thing I remember my Grandad ever buying for me, and I loved that dolly so...(until my sister convinced me to cut the hair cos it would grow back... the hair did not grow back (lol), and my mum eventually threw it out) but the relationship I have with my Grandad goes so much further than the material.

It's funny, I never really appreciated him until I nearly lost him. Grandad was soooo moany before he got sick. Like he'd always have something to cuss about, but with me and my lil cousin, he was always so gentle...never horrible...After he got ill, and he saw that he nearly lost his life twice, he lightened up a whole lot...I see now, he's appreciating life alot more, and is seeing that there is more to life than bricks and mortar....

The relationship I have with ny Grandad hadn't really been much the older I got. But in the last few months, we have become so much better. I always said, that when I got married, I'd want him to walk me up the aisle-give me away...cos he was always the Dad to me that my Dad couldn't, or just refused to be. When my Grandad got ill, I think that was the 1st time I actually looked at him as a real person-I know that sounds dumb, but to me he was always so strong, never sick, almost invincible, but seeing him on the hospital bed with tubes and machines beeping and things...I'd just never seen him so weak.

My Grandad is so special to me, he's the one that if he could, would protect me from every hurtful word, person and thing. That would move heaven and earth to make me happy. I tell Soldier all the time that he would be the person he'd need to win over...not my Granny, aunty, or even my Dad....My Grandad's the one to watch out for...he'd wanna kick your ass in a minute..lol...he'd grill your ass on everything under the sun...and if you're not a cricket fan, one strike against ya....not a Bob Marley fan....ah shit, that's two strikes...lol...my Grandad will always be my main man....Beyonce sang about wanting her unborn son to be like her daddy...I want mine (no I'm not pregnant....I'm just saying!!!) to be like my Grandaddy....He has so many great qualities...He is such a GREAT man...

'It is that very quality that you are lacking in your own relationship'....Sounds somewhat similar to the question my sister posed to me this evening....If I'm honest...the answer is 'yes'.

Weight

Hmmm...this evening I have quite alot on my brain....alot of thoughts swirling about, alot of feelings and emotions floating about inside.

Last night, I had a really vivid dream that my Grandad died. I know dreams usually do, but this dream felt so real. I can't remember how he died, but I remember me, my aunt & granny went to Jamaica, to St Elizabeth-where he's from, to tell his family that he had died....it was so wierd cos none of us were crying.....this morning I woke up, and my heart felt so heavy. I realised that it was a dream, but I was scared none the less.

I went to see my sister this evening, and she asked me a question about me and Soldier....She asked the question, and then made some comments...I didn't think much of it at the time, but when I left her house, I began questioning the question....trying to think of an answer to that question...and even now-some hours later, I still don't have a real answer. It's weighing heavy on my mind, I'm trying to let it out of my head, but it doesn't seem to want to shift.

Someone I care about has been hurt by someone, and I feel stupidly helpless cos I can't do anything. I'm mad thinking about the situation, mad that it's happened....I dunno....

There are other little things-small things that if I'm honest I can't really make sense of...but it's there-it's adding to the weight, the weight that's not shifting.

I tell ya, overly thinking is so not a good thing-in fact it's downright annoying-but how do you stop yourself from thinking? I swear I overly think in my sleep!

Just can't seem to stop the thoughts swirling around in my head, remove the weight...

Random

Happy Valentines day people! If like me, you'll be spending said day at home...jamming, doing nothing I'll be on MSN and Yahoo messenger this evening...please note that you Americano's are at least 5 hours behind moi....and I'm an early bird these days...so in actual fact-you may not catch me at all! Lol!

I've taken the day off today. Smartie's a tad ill. He's been dropped off at the 'doctors' who are going to mend him and make him 100% again! AND I walked for a whole hour-none stop from the car garage back to my house-trust, my legs were like JELLY after! So right now, I'm sitting here waiting for the mechanical heads to call me back so I can trudge the hour journey back to get my car.

My shower drain is blocked and the Estate Agents were arranging for 'someone' to come and unblock it....um...please tell me why I got a call at like 11 (this 'person' was meant to come at 12) from said Agency saying that the landlord wants to reschedule for TOMORROW at 6pm....hmm...funny how we go from 'someone' to the landlord-that muh-fucka is ALWAYS tryna get up in my house! He's such a cheap skate! Instead of trying to mess me about,how about you allow the estate agents to deal with it! But you know what, I'm not even tryna worry about it. I say, yes-that's fine, but MAKE SURE he comes at 6 cos I've got things I need to do, and I'm not gonna be sitting here waiting for him. It was my nephews 1st birthdy on Tuesday, and we were meant to go to Pizza Hut, but he was a lil ill, so it got postponed til Friday. So instead of chowing down some pizza tomorrow, I'll be sitting here whilst this dude unblocks my drain! He'd better not try and take long either-cos I already can't stand his stupid ass!!

So yeah, dispite the fact that me & Soldier are on pretty good terms (looong story) we won't be spending this evening together...He's working ALL day....I hate it when he does these shifts, but as he is a 'spare' he hasn't got much choice. He started this morn at like 7....finished at 10 this morning, had 3 hour break and then has gone back to work, where he'll remain until they tell him otherwise! So in his 3 hour break, he came to see me....and we had a good time **insert cheeky but very satisfied grin here**...and now he's gone back to work...

And I've just had a call from the mechanical heads...seems they need a part for my car that they won't get til tomorrow...so I can either go back for Smartie and bring him back another day or just leave him there...so I'm just gonna leave him and pick him up tomorrow...which makes tomorrow after work really tight.

Ah the joys! Hope you all have a wonderful day...whatever you do!

Hey

Today, I am in a MUCH better mood...the sun is shining, the birds are chirping..lol...ok, so yeah, much better mood.

Thank you for the virual hugs, well wishes and emails...I truly appreciate them! But I'm back on form today! And no-nobody got hurt!!

Yesterday went to my Mum's house, and then on to see my sister-my nephew turned 1 yesterday. It's crazy how that year whizzed by! I mean, this time last year I was living it up (SLEEPING) in Jamaica! Ahh, how time flies!! It was my grandad's birthday yesterday too...was meant to go round and see him, but the hours slipped away, and he's an early bird and would have been in bed by the time I go there...so I'll go round at the weekend methinks!

The day thus far is going pretty well...it's nearly hometime (well 3 hours left but still) I'm sitting here listening to some Mary J (who kept me SANE yesterday)...heading to my Aunty's today for dinner....cos we all know I don't ever cook at my house....and um....yeah..I believe that is all!

Hope you guys are having a good day!

**Seems Blogger is having a bad day-cos it won't let me seperate the paragraphs....**

Bad Mood

I'm in a real bad mood today....like royally PISSED the FUCK off!


I'm guessing the worse place for me to be is at work, having to deal with stupid ass people...but if I'm not here...then come payday, I'll be even MORE pissed when I see unnecessary deductions! Thankfully my manager isn't in my office today-I REALLY don't have the patience for her bullshit today....but as she's in a different office, it means I have MORE work to do today, which...you guessed it has PISSED ME OFF!!

OK-that's my rant over...I'm off to get a cuppa tea!

My bad-I didn't even say why I was mad....fuck it, I JUST AM!

A Random Ting

Ok, so I've managed to scar my ears after hearing my voice on Ms Diva's page...the phone voice is sooo gross...but tell me why I keep listening to it only to cringe each time? *shrugs* I dunno!

I've got my 3 year old sister for the weekend, cos my Mum's gone to Paris...and um...let's just say I'm bout ready for her to go back HOME! Love her to pieces, but I really don't have the patience for a 3 year old...not right now! We went out earlier today, and Soldier met us...she totally clammed up...said she didn't like him! lol! Got home...and she's become the devil! Yesterday she was sooo angelic. Kept herself occupied, etc...today, she's got me climbing the walls! I've been feeling a bit broody of late...but please believe that feeling is LONG GONE! Looking around my house...it's SUCH a tip...how do you keep a tidy house with a 3 year old running around? How is it done? It's staying just like that till she falls asleep!

Right now I have a banging headache...I've had it for about 3 days....it keeps shifting from a headache to a migraine....I suffer from migraines anyway, but since last year they've almost stopped...I used to get em every day for 2 years straight-had brain scans and all, but the doctors didn't know what was triggering them. Then one day they just stopped...and know the suckers are coming back-I'm not feeling it!

As I mentioned above, saw Soldier for a lil while. Haven't seen him since last Saturday cos he's been working lates....I've been missing him ALOT, but then being with him for 20 minutes today...he managed to get on my nerves! lol..he didn't do an ything really...it's just that I have NO patience today!

Don't you hate when you take your car to get washed-by hand....and when you go to inspect the work, it's like-why didn't I just do it myself? They did a good job-don't get me wrong, but I'm quite anal when it comes to the finished result...I had to call the dude over-twice to dry certain parts...and when I got home I still had to go over it, cos there was water marks....

ok...I need a nap-my head is BANGING!

*Ms Diva-see the title...just for you! :)

To Love & To Cherish?

The other day Ms Diva & Deep were talking about marriage…you know typically, a husband and wife support each other, etc etc (not gonna go into the ins and outs-you guys know)…and it’s with the knowledge of a how a marriage is about a partnership etc, that brings me to the ridiculous situation my uncle is in. Yes I’m on the outside looking in, but this mess they’re calling a marriage is ri-damn-diculous….

Yesterday, I’m at work and my aunty calls me. She tells me that L (who is my uncle’s step-daughter) called her (my aunty) asking for my Dad and my Granny’s number. Now let me give you a quick background ting on this chick. My uncle and his wife sent for this girl with her sister from Jamaica. I’d met her on a previous visit to Jamaica. However, from my 1st meeting here-I was about 10, I did not like her. Don’t know what it was but, like my Granny would say ‘me spirit never tek to her’. When she came over to England she tried to act like her shit didn’t stink and she was the Queen of friggin England…so as time went on me, as well as other members of my family took a disliking to her, because her actions attitude etc….she was just dumb! Like, when I started having to wear my glasses all the time, she reckoned ‘I thought I was nice cos I wore glasses’ D’uh stupid head! I can’t SEEEEEEEE without friggin glasses! Just stupid!

So anyways, it’s been many a year since any of us (bar my uncle his wife and kids etc) have seen her, so her phone call is a bit out of the blue. So after about 10 minutes after my Aunty received the phone call, she called my Dad. My Dad tells her that L told him that my uncle D was down at his yard, drinking himself silly, not washing, not going to work-all kinda ting! And when she went to take him to the doctors he ran out of the house, and was found hiding in his car blah blah. Acting like the concerned Step-Daughter.

I’m instructed to call my Granny, to let her know what was happening, and well, my Granny was less than impressed. She’s got enough on her plate of dealing with my Grandad-tryna get him well, this week alone she’s had to take him to the doctors twice, and is taking him for blood tests at the hospital today…it’s like she doesn’t have time for the extra stress. Besides this is not the first time my Uncle has gotten like this. If my memory serves me right I believe this the 3rd maybe 4th time, and each time, it’s a whole bag of madness involving his wife, and L.

So when I get home last night, my Aunty calls me. My Dad went down to see my Uncle to find out what’s going on. After much probing, my Uncle eventually tells my Dad that L and his wife had forged his signature on a loan of £25,000 secured onto the house, without him knowing, that they are not paying, and the bank (or whoever the loan was taken out with) are demanding money from him etc…which was the first him knowing of this loan. Now, this is not the 1st time this has happened either. About 2 or 3 years ago the wife and L did the same thing….. What gets me mad is that L went out of her way to be able to contact my Dad and Granny to sort out my uncle, when she knows damn well the reason why he’s doing this to himself….you know you just can’t believe someone can be SOO damn brazen?!

It’s been suggested many times before that my Uncle should sell the house, sort out what needs to and buy a smaller house etc…but my Uncle doesn’t seem to want to do this. His wife has been cheating on him for YEARS! Everyone and his dog knows it. When their youngest child (who is now 12) was born, there was much talk of him not actually being my uncles child (it’s evident now that he is), and she has openly said, they don’t sleep together in the same bed, or otherwise, she demeans him in front of ANYBODY, the woman has NO respect for him whatsoever, and she basically treats him like shit. Yet he stays, Yes, they’ve been together for YEARS….I’d say at least 25 years, but surely there comes a time when you realise that your relationship is doing nothing but destroying you!
My Dad has said that he will arrange counselling for my Uncle with his pastor, cos he’s clearly an alcoholic, doesn’t have a positive view of himself etc. As the head of that side of the family (my granddad has only 2 children by my Gran), though he’s the youngest (bar my grandad’s two) he’s usually called in to sort things out with my uncle. It’s just funny how he can rep for them and not for his first born…but hey-that’s neither here nor there.

As an outsider looking in, seeing the way my Uncle’s killing himself, over this chick that doesn’t even care, to me it just seems the best thing to do is to be apart-they are technically anyway-just living in the same yard! My Granny’s told him, when he kills himself, all his wife is gonna do is move her ‘man’ in….who will fill his spot! Long for dat! Fix up and look sharp man! He needs to do what’s best for him and his children, and to me drinking yourself to death, or possibly losing that big ole house and leave you ALL homeless, is not the way!

I dunno, am I wrong in thinking this? What say you?

Just For Shits & Giggles

My friend sent this to me via email the other day....and it got me thinking....how well does my blog fam know me...??? I know you can only know so much...blah blah, but just for shits and giggles....have a pop at this:

1. Take a stab at my middle name?
2. Color of my eyes?
3. Do I have any siblings-if so, how many?
4. What's one of my favorite things to do?
5. What's my favourite type of music?
6. Am I a rebel or do I follow the rules?
7. Any special talents
8. What attracted me to my significant other?
9. Describe me in 3 words...
10. If you and I were stranded on a desert island, what is one thing that I would bring?

This should be fun....

Thinking Out Loud

Lil Monie posed a question to me: Describe my dream man, and I’ve been thinking about this for more than 24 hours-why I’ve been thinking about it for so long, I’ll never know, but anyways, whilst thinking of the qualities I wanted said dream man to have, I realised that Soldier had some (yes, only some) of these qualities….and then I went to see Ms B this morning, and she was talking about procrastinating, and then it was like, ok people, what are you trying to do me!

Ok, so that doesn’t make much sense, but basically I’ve been feeling like I’m kinda stuck in a rut….like I can’t go forward, and I damn sure aint tryna go back, so I’m just stuck…right here! Much of this situation is actually my fault, and whilst I continue to kick myself for it, the fact is, this is what it is. I’m in a job that I don’t love, but like, I enjoy working with the people that I do, I love the relaxed environment…blah blah blah, but the fact is, I don’t get paid half way as much as I need it to! I’ve been here for over 2 years, and my salary has not increased, yet my workload has…..and since the cost of everything seems to increase every frigging minute, my pay check is NOT cutting it! So-get a new job right….wrong! This is something I’ve thought about doing for like forever and a day, yet I’m still here.

I did apply for a job working on the tubes and stuff, and the salary was grand but I fucked up on the interview, and as a result did not get the job. Getting as far as I did on the recruitment stages did give me a boost….there were 3 stages, and I got through to the very last part, so I was feeling like yeah I can do this, but as I’ve seen, my interviewing techniques SUCK….like seriously! So basically I’ve just been here, at this job, moaning about how the pounds aren’t stretching enough blah blah, and have started looking for a 2nd job….why get a 2nd job? Well, I need more money-and I’m trying to think far ahead…I wanna do music production….the college I want to attend is NOT close to home, and is in the evenings, and this job right here would allow me to leave early here or there, to make said lessons….no I’m not yet at this college…reason…this course is EXPENSIVE! I’ve been meaning to sort out the grant application, that will pay for this course, but me being me, have not started doing this….not only because I’m sitting on the idea, but also because I need a grand to secure my place BEFORE I can sort out the grant application, and let’s be real-who’s got a grand? Not I!!

So last night, I’m talking to Soldier, and since he’s left the Army, he’s been talking about all these jobs he wants to get into. The boy is mad ambitious, and it’s a grand sight to see. He’s looking at trying to get his fingers into all of these pies..and whichever one comes through 1st is what he’s getting into. Last night, I was just thinking to myself, like why can’t I be as driven as this dude? He doesn’t let anything get in his way, whereas I’m the opposite. When I told him I didn’t get that job that I went for, he thought I was joking-like it was about a week before he actually believed that I was telling the truth. He kept telling me to reapply and was telling me all this stuff to try and make me feel better. Now in the beginning it was welcomed, BUT he hasn’t stopped banging on about it. I know he wants the best for me and all that, but it’s gotten to the point where it’s like bruv-I beg you stop now! This is not just the case for the job, but also my housing sito. I’m renting privately, and he’s saying I should move back home and save for a deposit so I can buy a property-but what he doesn’t get is that, this is not possible! He’s always trying to think of ways to help me, but sometimes it’s frustrating cos he doesn’t get that it’s not that easy!! He’s very supportive of me and the things I want to do, and he’s always trying to encourage me to do things to get said things in motion….

After I got off the phone with him, I was just feeling like man, what am I doing with my life-like forreal! There’s so much I want to do, but I’ve either sat on the idea for too long that it’s no feasible, the money is not there….there’s so many things stopping me from moving forward…it’s just like, ok so what now?

I know I haven’t really made much sense….there’s just a whole bunch of crap on my mind right now! I just wanna start all over again, and do it right!

Oh-and Dora was found….she was hiding in the cupboard under the stairs!!!

Erm...Bye Dora..!!

Ok, so minutes after just posting about my Mum's cat (below)...she's just called me to say the cat has gone! She managed to get out of the house this morning when one of the kids opened the front door, and it went out.....She didn't even last 24 hours in the house!!

Bad of me, I shouldn't have laughed, but I did. Not cos the cat's gone, but cos it didn't last in the house more than 24 hours!!

So that was Dora....but it seems she is no longer a member of the clan!

Dora

This...

is the new kitten that has currently taken residence in my mother's home. My lil sister has named her Dora....as in this chick...

The Spanish speaking chica, that my sister will watch religiously and not understand a word of!

Yeaterday after I went to Bingo with my Mum (our new Thursday ritual) we went to the neighbours to get the cat. It was after 9pm, and we were outside for ages waiting for the ruddy woman to open up....she eventually does and then she's like 'Oh, I was just in bed with her'...Erm...right ok...Me and Ma looked at each other....I know what she was thinking cos I was thinking the same 'Dyam Nasty'.

I mean, I like a pet as much as the next Joe, HOWEVER, such pet WOULD NOT find itself in my bed....what are you..Nuts??? Anywho, I take the cat, and the woman's there kissing up the cat telling it bye and all this....like proper kissing-with lips and stuff (d'uh, how else do you kiss?!)!!Rubbing her face in the cats face and stuff....again, I like animals as much as the next person, but again, you would not see my face up in no cats face!!!

Me and my mum were in stunned silence....'the cyat better not tink say it-a sleep ina my bed' says my Mum as we leave the house.....You know I did nothing but laugh!!

So my mum now has a kitten, a female that she (Mum) refers to as 'he' and 'him', and that my lil sister loves from a distance....(she's scared of it! lol) and a pet I can call my own ...until it wants to rub on me and all them kinda nasty tings, oh, and I won't be doing any of the 'pet owner' stuff either.

This is my 100th post....and yeah, I'm kinda clutching at straws of something to post, but I thought I'd post something (and introduce you to the new member of the clan) since SOMEBODY *side eye to Ms Diva* said that even if I have nothing to post...to 'POST ANYWAY'....so there you have it!

Hope you all have a wonderful weekend!
(Please feel sorry for me-I'm working on Sunday! And have to be up at 6am! How unnatural is that??!?!?)