The Break Up

Ok, so firstly thanks to all of you wonderful people who offered words of wisdom and support in my days of despair. I can say that today I'm doing better :)

Now for the story (It's long....)

The reason why I broke it off with Mr Man, was cos I had finally decided to stop kidding myself that things were going as well as I wanted them to go. I took off the rose-tinted glasses and saw things for what they were...!!! Over the course of the past few months, he's been slightly different. He was showing me little signs that to me, was showing that he wasn't on it as much anymore.

You remember the post I did 'Lost Without You', and I had all these questions and stuff, and was when I was gonna break things from then....something just didn't feel right anymore....and then I attempted to 'It's Official-I'm a Punk'...but I couldn't do it then. Well since that conversation that I had with him, I told him how I felt about the way things were, and after that I felt that we were on the same level again-hence the 'Today' post....well in actuality it was all a pot of piss....cos he was still acting funny. I hadn't really spoken to him much in what-2 months....now considering we're in a LONG DISTANCE relationship, surely communication is a major factor right? I have put my hands up and I will say that I didn't call him as much either, but that was cos it was getting to the point where I felt like I was blowing off his phone...so my intention was to see what he was on....

So this whole thing had been riding on my shoulders for a little while. I realised that as each day went by, and another day of not speaking to him, I was becoming more and more unhappy. This wasn't what I wanted! I called him during the time that I was house sitting and he was at work. He told me that he would call me back. He called me that night, but I was kipping, and then he called me the evening after, but I was out for my friend's birthday, and was in a bar. I asked him to call me back....he never did....

I realised then that of late, the only time he would call me would be when I called him first....that's long man-I don't have time for the game playing crap. Now-he may have had a reason for it, but what I'd realised is that when we did speak, he'd be on me...you know having good convo, talking bout the future....usual ish...but when we would hang it it'd be like he forgot about me....again-I have no time for that...my mind would wonder..clearly there's someone that's got you occupied....I could be very wrong-but on a real how would I ever REALLY know?

After much thinking, and discussion, I decided that this wasn't what I wanted. Although I loved him, I really did have to love myself more. That though it'll be hard, it's better to cut my losses now, and deal with the crap that comes with it, than to be discussing shit with the bitch that is Hindsight, talking bout how I should have seen the signs etc...

So-on Monday evening, I called him. He was at work, and said that he would call me back. I told him that he didn't need to cos I wasn't happy with the way things were and that we were over....then the phone cut out. Cos he was at work, I figured I wouldn't call him back, cos he wouldn't really be able to speak to me. I know this probably wasn't the best time or way to break up with him BUT I had geared myself up to do it...and then when he answered I just had word vomit-I HAD to get it out then, otherwise I would have punked out. I called him from a calling card from my home phone because me & T-mobile are having a slight dispute and right now they're winning cos they've stopped me making outbound calls *pissed*. So anyways, after all that, I went out on the road with my Granny.

When I come home, hours later I attempt to get on the internet (yeah we're still working with dial-up) and it wouldn't connect cos there was a voicemail on the phone..so I listen to it....I nearly pissed myself when I heard his voice!!! Like WTF!!!! He left a message talking bout how I must send back his chain and he will send back the bag that I left with him in Feb and the battery that I got for the phone. The phone cut out mid message and he CALLED BACK AGAIN leaving the same message. I'm soooooooo mad by this point cos it's like ‘Bruv-are you seriously calling my mum's house, leaving dumb messages not once but twice? Like on a real-are you serious??!!!’ Now none of my fam actually know about him-there are reasons why, and for right now, it made my life so much more easier without them knowing! can you imagine the questions I would have been faced with if someone in my house had answered the phone when he was calling back or had listened to the messages????

I called my SFAM, and I met up with her. I used her phone to call him back (after I finished my ranting) and he was really rude to me. I asked him why he was calling back on my mum's line talking crap, and he said that he didn't have any other numbers for me so he called me back on the number that I called him from.

Now we've been on this relationship ting for damn near a year-and this stupid fool is tryna tell me that he doesn't know my mobile number-AFTER A YEAR?!?! So I was like, well lose that number, and he was like oh do you want your tings back. I was like-I'm not asking you for anything back-but I'll be sending back your chain, and you can send back what you want. He was like, well I'll send it-goodbye and hung up the phone. 'Oh no he didn't....!!' but you know what...it's whatever!!

Then I start recalling things that he'd told me...that he didn't get any texts that I'd send cos the screen on his phone wasn't working....but yet he could see the screen to go to the 'received calls' section of the phone to dial back the number that called him??!?! He could have been using the phone that I sent the battery for-that means that he got the speaker fixed and could actually call....or that he could actually respond to my messages...SMH...dyam liar!

And that my dear friends is how we ended....I haven't heard from him since....Since the anger that came from Monday night disappeared, in came the upset and crap...but today, I'm feeling GOOD!!! Dunno if I'll ever speak to him again...but hey it's a period of my life that I will learn and grow from. So I’m now just working on healing, and making myself happy :)