Conversation With Soldier

Whilst watching ‘Disappearing Acts’ the other day with Soldier, I thought I’d enquire how he felt about me, and us…..

Me: What do you want for us?
Him: I want us to be happy…be together…
Me: Are you happy?
Him: Yep…very happy
Me: Do you see us together in 30 odd years?
Him: Yep-We’ll get married, and I’ll take care of you, buy us a house, and have kids….
Me: Ok….so um, how do you feel about me?
Him: I’m in love with you
Me: *Stunned silence*

*After about a min of stunned silence *

Me: What you say?
Him: I’m in love with you. I’m really happy with you…I want us to be happy together
Me: *silence*……
Me: So you’re saying you’re in love with me??
Him: Yeah-I am

*He leans over and hugs me*

Me: Um….right…..ok……

Yeah…um….wasn’t ready for those lyrics…I didn’t say anything after that, we just kinda fell back into the movie….I like him a whole lot…but I don’t think I’m at the love stage….I’m in deep-like with him right now. Yeah, um, why did I ask? I dunno…..but honestly, that response I was NOT expecting....dunno what I was expecting…but it wasn’t that.

Tonight I’m introducing him to Nando’s…..might even go and see some fireworks display at the park later….Hope you all have a wonderful weekend!

Something To Say

So it seems I’ll be getting a new cooker tomorrow. And if I don’t, I’ll be moving out. Crap thing is I was ready to pack my ish and leave, cos the Landlord had breached so many things in the contract cos of the cooker, but now that he’s agreed to replace it, I can terminate my contract without leaving myself out of pocket….So for the moment I have to stay put, however, if tomorrow the new cooker does not arrive…then there’ll be problems!!!

This week has been pretty cool…been spending a lot of time with Soldier…he’s being so sweet-that 3 week trip has done the both of us the world of good. He brought his little girl to my house the other day-gorgeous as she is….and just my luck, she falls over and bangs her head-whilst at my house…you know you just think-of ALL the places and at all the possible times, it has to be at my house! But she was fine, had a red bruise on her head that was gone by the time she was taken home…I now won’t see him until Friday, cos he’s at his Army base giving back his accommodation and having his earlier release interview with his superior…he went for an interview on Tuesday and got the job (yay for him) so he needs to speak to these folks for them to release him.

I’ve got an assessment for a new job in the next 2 weeks. After that whole thing that happened with my manager when my Grandad was sick, I realised how much I hated being here….and after nearly losing him twice, I realised that life really is too short to sit around talking about what I wanna do and not getting off my ass and getting it done. So I’m actively job hunting…finger’s crossed I get something real soon, cos I’ve seriously had enough of being here!

My dad called me the other day (why?!?!?!) My granny told him that I had moved out, and all this, so he calls me asking me about the flat, chatting shit bout how he's gonna come and see my place (yeah right-whatever) and that he's gonna help me every month (again-yeah right, whatever)...chatting all this shit in my ears. Now before you start thinking that he's making the effort, and I'm just being hard and not giving him a chance, please know that he does this all the time. Whenever my Granny has some words with him, he calls me, chats shit and promises things that he can't deliver. I've accepted the way things are with us-he's not there for me in any way and that's just the way it is. It pisses me off that he keeps trying to waste my time...like on a real, if I didn't know any better I'd be so happy cos he's telling me all the things that he'll do, and when he doesn't come through I'm left disappointed! At the end of the day, I'm damn near 25 and everything I've got, acheived and done in my life I did without him......SO he needs to stop kidding himself, and wasting my time chatting shit, cos at this stage in my life I.DONT.NEED.HIM!

I don’t actually have much else to report…this is why I haven’t blogged for a while, cos there’s nothing to really report….So for now...

P'd Off

I was meant to get a new cooker this week. I called the Estate Agent on Monday and he spoke to the Landlord who said that I will get said cooker before Friday. Today is Thursday-I had not heard from the Estate Agent. So I call....he says that he will speak to the Landlord and get back to me. He calls me 10 minutes later (a record for him) and he tells me it's bad news....I'm thinking right....ok-he tells me that the Landlord has no money and therefore will NOT be getting the new cooker, and I have a choice of dealing with the no oven, 3 hobs sito or move out.....GREAT! So I think I'm moving out. He said that I won't pay rent for next month-that my deposit will cover that, and I'll be leaving this place 10th December.

I've just decided that I'm gonna move....I mean if it really was JUST the hob, you know what I could probably deal with it...but no oven as well? Nah bun dat! I'm getting outta here! I'm pissed cos I actually like this gaff....it's nice, and is pretty much perfect for my needs....but hey what can I do??

I had my broadband installed today...woo hoo....it's a package I got with some digital channels....ain't this a bitch though-soon as the engineer leaves, none of the friggin channels work...and the customer services system has gone down....so I'm even more pissed!

Soldier's back....he came back on Tuesday. We had a good ole talk....and we're cool.....He turned up at my house yesterday...totally unexpected in his Army get up....looking all sexy and shit! LOL!! It's nuts how he thought nothing of driving 2 hours just to see me....and then driving 2 hours back....aww bless him!!

*sigh* I'm gonna take a nap!

The Week's Roundup

This week has been a madness to say the least...quick radio edit....my toilet broke again….the landlord had the cheek to tell me to piss in a bucket. Then I had my brother on Saturday night, and when I went to make him some lunch, I discovered the main oven didn’t work. Spoke to the landlord directly, and he claimed that it did work. I asked him when he would be fixing the hob, he says ‘isn’t 3 hobs enough?’ I tell you, this man takes the piss. It got to the point where I had just had enough. I spoke to the Estate Agents, and just went mad. Told him that I had had enough, and wanted to move out. He was like ‘nah, we’ll get it sorted.’ The toilet is now fixed-there’s a new flushing mechanism in place, and they’re buying me a new cooker….I’m giving them until next week to have that shit installed in my kitchen…….

My Grandad’s doing well. He’s still in hospital-the doctor said that he could be coming out either today or tomorrow, but it’s not looking likely for today…he’s definitely on the mend, so if he doesn’t come out this weekend, it’ll probably be next week….I’ve been staying with Granny and being spoilt rotten! Come home from the hospital and dinner’s ready…she even does my laundry!! ‘me free paper soon bun’ as my mum would say…when I’m back home it’s back to doing it all myself!


Spoke to Soldier the other day….he was being so sweet….I really miss him….but it’s finally getting towards the end of the 3 weeks….he’s back on Monday, but he’s heading back to base on Monday night, so I’ll only see him for a few hours……until the weekend…..but from Monday there’ll be much time to talk about things you know….work out what it is we want and where things will now go…but for the most part we’re good…

My SFAM found out she’s pregnant. I’m overjoyed! I’m sooooo excited! She’s still in a bit of shock, but her boyfriend is happy about it too….Her whole fam is excited too…well her mum took a while to come round to the idea, but she’s looking forward to her 1st grandchild.

My dad bought his daughter a £4,500 Renault Clio this week. He was at the hospital on Wednesday and was telling my uncle, who in turn told me…..I drove past his house yesterday and I saw the Black 54 (2004) reg car parked in his drive. As soon as I saw it, my blood was boiling. My reaction kinda surprised me…but then it kinda didn’t. I mean, she gets a car bought for her when she passed her driving test….my first car was my sisters old banger, and I had to get finance to get my Smartie…and my Dad didn’t even batter an eyelid when I told him I’d passed….not even ‘what are you gonna get for your first car’/ I just feel a bit put out….When I got to my Granny’s (which about 2 minutes later) I was still in a bit of a mood. The other day she told me that she would tell my Dad that I’d moved out on my own…I told her to do what she felt she had to…cos I wouldn’t have. So last night I asked her if she told him. She said yes. I asked her what he said and she was like, he just asked how long ago you moved. I was like, is that it? She said yeah….but you should have told him’ I was like seen, then she started going on about how our relationship should be better…..then she was like ‘if you heard that he was sick over at his house you wouldn’t go and see him’ I was like I dunno…the thing is my Granny would no doubt drag me there kicking and screaming!! I actually hate him….I would prefer if I never saw him again-instead I have to sit opposite him at my Grandad’s hospital bed!! Grrrr!!!

Moving on….this evening I’m out with the work people….we’re going to the theatre to see ‘Puppetry of the Penis’…as the title suggests it’s a show of men doing interesting things with their penis *ahem* not sure what to expect from the show….but I’ve heard that roller skates and burgers just two things that these men’s penises will be made into…..should be fun!!

Aight, I’m gone…..Have a good weekend!

A Wha Di Raaaaaas!!!!

I just come off the phone with the Estate Agent. He’s asking me about the toilet and such. I told him that I grudgefully had to clean up the mess, and that the flusher appears to be working. I asked when they were coming to sort the cooker, but he wasn’t sure….something to mark in my book to chase up again next week. So then I say, so what did he say about using my toilet…..He said that he asked the landlord about it….and hear what the nasty lickle raas man said: ‘I left it cleaner THAN IT WAS BEFORE’ You did what?! I couldn’t believe my ears…so I’m laughing….I was like ‘seriously-is that what he said?’ The dude was like yep-that’s what he said…so I’m like so what’s he tryna say? Cos if how he left it was cleaner than it was before, than what does that say about the condition of the toilet BEFORE he dropped his kids off in it!! I was like the asshole-what’s his number?!?! Cos try know I’m ready to have a few words with ole dude…..I didn’t get the number (dammit), but I’m SETTING for that Landlord!! Even the estate agent was shocked by the response, cos obviously he knew what my reaction was when I moved in and the flat wasn’t cleaned-even though he swears up and down that he did….I told the Estate Agent that we (me and the Landlord) clearly have different standards of clean, and in my opinion, he lives like a frigging animal…..dyam feisty and out a order (as Granny would say)

I still can’t believe the cheek of the man…but it’s all good though innit-cos I’ve just checked my bank and guess who hasn’t gotten any rent money? The money’s sitting there in the bank, but it seems that the estate agents haven’t set up the payment thingy properly cos the money’s still sitting there….hmm….wonder how long it’ll be before they notice!

Pissed off & sh*t!

Thank you all for the prayers….Granddad is doing well! We almost lost him twice! He was in High Dependency Unit, and then he got moved on to a ward yesterday. He’s doing good! He had viral meningitis…..heck knows how he got that, cos he don’t ever go anywhere, but hey, it’s what he had….but he’s on the mend!! So whilst he’s in hospital, I’m staying with Granny…

Ok-now for the ranting!! And I apologise now-this ish is LONG!

I’m not sure if I mentioned this at any point, but at my flat there’s a couple of things that piss me off. Firstly, I have an electric cooker-it’s the halogen kind (I think) you know the ones that when you switch it on, the ring goes red…? Well that’s what I’ve got. So when I moved in there was a note by the cooker from the Landlord stating that whenever I used the cooker I had to switch off the cooker by the switch cos the front left ring would constantly stay on…..Soldier found out the hard way that that ring is hotter than a muthafucker, and you WILL burn ANYTHING that you’re tryna cook on it.

The 2nd thing is the toilet flusher….it’s the button press kind…and if you push it down too far it will take days before it comes back up-what kinda shit is that??…..when I moved in, there was a little note beside the flusher informing me of this. My little sister used my toilet, missed the note, pushed the flusher down too far, and it took damn near 2 days for the shit to come back up.

I spoke to the Estate Agents numerous times about these problems, and he agreed that it needed to be sorted, however, this was never done. Being fed up, I called again last week, and the estate agent told me that he could get a plumber to me this Saturday, but that the electrician was crazy busy, and that he’d call me to arrange a visit. Fair enough….I thought I’d give him a week and be back on his case…my biggest issue was the toilet…cos let’s be real, I don’t cook all that much anyways!!

Fast forward to yesterday, as I said before, I’m staying at Granny’s, so after the hospital visit, I stopped by my house to get some more clothes. Walked into the kitchen, and the cooker light switch is on. I’m thinking, I don’t remember leaving that on….hmm….something said to me that someone had been in my house-but surely not cos no one has told me anything…..so I go over to the cooker and turn off the switch. Something told me to switch it back on again and try the front ring…..wow-it doesn’t come on at all now….I’m thinking great…I’m gonna be speaking to the estate agents tomorrow cos clearly there’s a bigger problem. I needed to pee….so I head off to my bathroom….*Deep breaths* My toilet seat is up……now NEWSFLASH I do NOT pee standing up, so clearly I have no reason to have the toilet seat up (and this by the way PISSES ME OFF), so I’m mad cos this is evidence that someone’s definitely been in my house…but oh no IT GETS WORSE! I go over to the toilet, and see toilet cleaner squirted all around the toilet bowl….and up along the rim….AND there’s shit particles in the actual toilet! So now I’m spitting venom….because
1) Someone’s come in my house without me knowing
2) Somebody’s gone SHIT in my toilet
3) The perpetrator didn’t even clean up behind himself.
I’m so mad!!!! I’m about to clean the bathroom, and I think you know what-fuck it….and I pick up my keys and head out the door. I go to my sister’s house to pick up a job spec for a new job I’m looking at. After I tell her when I’m mad I then remember I left my house without ANYTHING I went there for…I leave my sister’s house, and head back home. When I get there, I realise I didn’t pick up the thing that I went to my sister’s house for…I grab my clothes and I leave.

This morning now, I call the Estate Agent, all guns blazing. The dude I need to speak to ‘has the day off’ How frigging convenient?!?! Anyways, I tell the chick on the phone EXACTLY what’s happened. She tells me the dude isn’t back til tomorrow-I tell her I don’t care, cos this needs to be sorted TODAY. She says she’s get the managing director to call me. Few hours later, the dude that ‘has the day off’ calls me. I rant at him…he tells me that they KNEW that the LANDLORD was heading to my house but FORGOT to tell me. He then goes on to tell me that they’ve removed some element from the dodgy cooker ring, and will get whatever part is required to fix it….and they’ve also fixed the toilet-did I check. I told the dick wad that I was LESS than impressed at the fact that people were roaming up in my yard without me knowing, that they broke the terms of the contract, which state that I receive 24 hours notice of intent to enter the property, and that I didn’t see why I had to clean up behind a man, when I’m not living with one. He babbled on about how the reason shit happened the way it did was because he pressed the landlord to handle the problems as a matter of urgency-even though I’ve been in the property for a month, and only NOW it’s urgent, and that it was his fault for not calling me….I told him I didn’t care, and that something had to be done. I told him I hadn’t checked the toilet-I’ve left it EXACTLY how the Landlord left it. He said that he would call the Landlord, and then call me back. Please believe that was over 4 hours ago….but you know what-he’s just adding the fuel to my fire, cos you see tomorrow? It’s ME AND HIM!!! TRUST! **breathe deeply**

Moving on, I didn’t go and see Chris Breezy yesterday. Though I was mad excited about winning the tickets, that excitement was lost when I nearly lost my Granddad twice. I intend to be at the hospital every single day until he comes out. So I told my sister L that she could have both tickets, and she went with her BFF….I haven’t spoken to her today, so I don’t know how the concert went, but I don’t think it was anything less than FIYAH!!!

It’s been 9 days without Soldier…..*sigh* still another 13 days to go…I spoke to him yesterday and he was being SOOOOOO sweet!! I miss that dude like crazy, but the time apart is doing us both some good………

Ok, I think I’ve jabbered on enough for one day…besides it’s nearly home time….and I need to be out this place!!!

Worst Day

After yesterday’s events, I could be starting this post with some very bad news…..We almost lost my granddad yesterday. He’d had, what the doctors initially diagnosed as Gasteristis when they came to see him on Sunday evening. He’d been vomiting since Saturday morning….and was in bed all weekend. When I went to see him on Sunday he was in bed. I’ve never ever seen my Grandad ill other than the common cold…but when I spoke to my Granny on Monday, she said that the doctor had come, and said that he should continue to take painkillers. So you can imagine how I scared I was when my aunty called me at work to tell me that they had taken my Grandad into hospital cos he was deteriorating…..I asked my manager if I could go to the hospital, and the way she reacted shocked me to the ground…and then Miss Stubborn kicked in, and I was like you know what-it’s ok forget it! I called my aunty and told her to call me when she got to the hospital.

Lemme take you back real quick-so I went home early on Monday cos I had a a migraine, and I said that I would make up my hours during the week. My manager skinned up her face at that, but I knew I could do it. Yesterday she was going to one of our offices in London…it was convenient for her also as she was going out on the town in London that evening too……so anyways, when I say can I go home, her face and attitude is fierce, so I’m well annoyed. In my bid of making up my hours, I was to stay at work until 5.30-instead of my normal 5 o’clock. So considering what’s happening, I say to her that I’ll leave work at 5, and then make it up later….again the face is push up…I’m so pissed by this point, cos she’s acting like I’m just trying to leave work for the hell of it….if you missed it MY GRANDAD’S FRIGGIN SICK IN HOSPITAL!! I’m so annoyed now so I say ‘you know what just change Monday to sick, and I won’t make up the hours’ She huffs and puffs and then she’s like ‘can I speak to you outside?’ I’m like cool. We go outside and she goes says that she’s noticed that last week and this week I’ve acted like I didn’t wanna be here (work) I was like how have you figured that? She says that it’s cos I keep saying I wanna go home-I’m like what? So do you!!!! I mean really-who WANTS to be at work? Not very many people, but it’s something you have to do right? So I say to her ‘well not sure where you’ve gotten that from, but on Monday I had a migraine! I’m not gonna sit in front of a PC for hours in pain just for the hell of it, and today my granddad’s been taken into hospital-that’s not my fault, and that’s something I can’t control!’ By this point I’m close to tears….she’s like ‘I didn’t hear you say that!’ I’m like, but surely you would know there’s a reason why I wanna leave early-and even L (my friend) asked what hospital he’s in….if you didn’t know surely you would have asked WHY I wanted to leave! She’s still maintaining that she didn’t hear me say my gramps was in hospital…then she started going about how she’s doing my work….(her choice mind you) and all this other stuff…I stopped listening and responding by this point. Then she’s like, if you wanna go then go…I was like it’s whatever innit….and then I head back to my desk.

A little while later, I call my aunty, who’s at the hospital by this point. She’s in tears telling me it doesn’t look good. He’s in the hospital bed dazed and confused, not talking, and just shivering. She says the doctors have no idea what’s wrong with him……Fast forward a few hours, I leave work…my aunty calls me-my heart’s in my mouth, I’m anticipating bad news-thankfully she was just asking where I was. She’s no longer crying, which is a good sign. She says that he’s been taken for a brain scan. When I get to the hospital, and I see my granddad, my eyes instantly fill up. He looked so helpless…..I’ve never seen him like this. He had no colour in his face…I didn’t know what to do or say…I ask him how he was…he said he wasn’t too bad. My granny tells me that he’s much better…earlier he couldn’t even talk! I was only at his bed for a few minutes, me and my uncle go for a walk, and we talk. …neither of us could handle being there….We talk, and he tells me that my Grandad’s organs were on the verge of shutting down, when the doctor came by…and had he have been kept at home any longer he would have died. He then goes on to tell me the contents of my grandparents will….erm.,…didn’t wanna know ANY of that….don’t ever wanna think about losing either of them…..after a while of chatting and things we go back to the hospital ward….My gramps is tired, so we leave him to sleep. I kiss his forehead and tell him I’d see him tomorrow. I’m so glad that he’s doing better. Today he’s got loads of tests happening. He hasn’t been pee since Saturday morning, so they’re testing his kidneys and stuff.

I leave the hospital, go home, pack some clothes and then head back to my Granny’s. Can’t have her in the big ole house by herself! We change the bed covers on my Grandad’s bed (as he was ill, he was in the main room, and my granny was in one of the spare rooms),. After we remake the bed, she tells me of what happened today. Had he not of gone into hospital today, he would most definitely not be with us today.

This morning I’m absolutely knackered-I barely slept last night….but it’s the start of a new day. I’m just hoping things only get better from here.

Soldier called me on yesterday morning at like 3.15…wasn’t impressed, but it’s whatever! He’s arrived safe and all that….so that’s a good thing…..we had general chit chat, and I said I’d call him back yesterday evening, but with everything that happened I didn’t. I might call him later-depends on what happens.

To conclude this post, I’mma do it on a good note! I won tickets to see Chris Breezy in concert next Tuesday at the new O2 arena. On my way to work this morning, I was listening to Choice FM, and they’ve got this ‘Text Olympics’ thing going on each morning….where basically they give you a sentence, and you have to text it to them, and the fastest texter wins….so this morning the sentence was ‘I missed out on yesterday’s ticket so gimme that’…so I sent in the sentence…got a call back-I actually missed the call, but I called straight back and it was the radio station. The DJ asked my name and stuff, and said to turn down my radio, and they would check to see if I won. They were playing that new tune ‘watch my feet’ so when the song ended and I was on air, she asks me the name of the song I say ‘Watch My Feet’ and the other DJ tells to me to sing it….so yep I did…that’s right…I sang ‘Watch my Feet’ shoot-tickets are at stake here! They tell me I’m a winner, I scream down the phone! I won the tickets man!! I’m so gangsta at texting….I can do that ish doing anything-including driving…without looking at the screen!! Yep-Gangsta!! So I have to go down to the studio between today and Tuesday and pick them up. I’m gonna take my sister with me…cos she over loved Chris…I called her to tell her that I won…she’s like ‘Who you taking?’ I say I’m not sure just yet…but I’ll take her!…..That put me in a great mood this morning I must say! J I just hope from here today only gets better…though my friend L went home ill…dunno why she came in to be honest, cos she’s been sick before she left the house….but she’s home resting now.

Please keep my Gramps in your prayers, and have a blessed day!