Ok, so I've tried wording, and re-wording this question so it makes sense...but I can't get it right....here it goes anyway...I'm sure you smart and intellectual people will get what I'm trying to ask:
Do you think that someone with father issues has insecurities, and issues that they carry over into a relationship?
Do you think some one with unresolved father issues can ever truly be happy?
What's your take on unresolved father issues...and how do you reckon one can truly be in a happy relationship (or just happy) with so much hanging over one's head?
Y'all know I'm talking bout me here...I'm struggling ALOT right now...I've realised a few things, and I'm not liking it at all..but I don't know what to do...I'll get into that another day...but what do you reckon? And please be honest!
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9 comments:
ever heard of the saying "it takes one to know one"?
thats where im coming from right now..i have "daddy issues" *as i like to call it* stemming from me finding some horrible truth at a tender age..an age where i NEEDED my fathers guidance and what have you.
speaking from my experience i can tell you i have MAJOR trust issues, not so much as "YOU CHEATING ON ME NUKKA?!?!" issues but the kind that almost feel like its the inevitable for someone to leave me. My first boyfriend did that and his timing couldnt be worse and it just set me deeper in a mind state of "well..shit..why should he care?? my own father makes me feel like he doesnt care so why should anyone else??" and i went down this awful path of running from relationships and just "messing" around with guys but secretly trying to find someone that made me feel loved in some way. I dont want to say my father abandoned me per say but he has made me feel less important to him and has made me feel like i had a "daddy-by-phone" meaning a father i could call and get money from but never REALLY had that time spent that i needed.
i do believe that most women suffering from this will live a life of searching if they dont let go and let God.
Hope that helps a little.
Yes.
Yes.
I highly suggest that you find a way to deal with them or they will ruin every.single.one of your relationships.
I had unresolved father issues and it caused me to have abandonment issues and huge insecurities. I would smother my boyfriends until they left me because I was driving them nuts. Ha! Imagine that...once you resolve the issues (if you have a chance to), it'll help you understand what triggers certain behavior patterns and allow you to free yourself of them as well - or to at least recognize when you're gettin ready to act up over nothing.
I got over my issues after not speaking to may father for nearly 7 years. I wasn't ready to face him until I had processed my feelings...and when I finally did, I sat him down and we talked talked...well, I talked for about 6 hours telling him how I felt about him. I explained that I didn't expect him to be my DADDY because I already had one (my stepdad). What I needed was a friend...and once I got over that hump, we've been cool ever since...it was a long haul, but well worth the effort on MY part. I realized that my dad would never own up to his end of the shit...someone has to be the bigger person.
Best of luck.
I have issues with my father. It's a really long story, but if you remember in one of my posts, I mention that I didn't meet him until I was 32 or 33. I tried to have a relationship with him, but it just felt forced, so I let it go and so did he.
It bothers me sometimes, but I don't let it rule me.
I've been reading you enough to know about your issues with your Dad. He seems like he means well, and tries to say the right thing. His problem is that he's all talk and doesn't follow thru and at this point, you're so used to being disappointed by him not doing what he says he's going to do that it's not even disappointing to you anymore. You expect him to just lie to you.
I can only suggest that you not allow that to affect the way you think of all men. I know that's easier said than done, but look at the relationship you have with your grandfather. He's a different kind of man and because of that you have a great relationship with him.
You should definitely make Soldier aware of these issues, so when you spaz out on him, he knows where you're coming from.
Hugs girlie...you know how to reach me if you want to talk.
My birth father was not a part of my life. Truth of the matter is I don't know him at all...
I can admit though that my mother marrying the father of my brother and him adopting all of us/treating us as his own played a big part in my NOT having a desire to seek him out.
I think about it [once in a while]-- the reasons he had for not being a part of my life BUT...it doesn't seem to go much farther than there.
Do I think "that someone with father issues could have insecurites and or issues that they might carry over into a relationship"??
ABSOLUTELY
So I'd say if you WANT to reach out to him and you're in a position to tell him what you're feeling you should go for it...
I might make the world of a difference but if you don't try, you won't know.
I meant "IT might make the world of a difference but if you don't try, you won't know".
DAMN TYPOS :-)
@ Ms Lady- I've got some trust issues that's apparent in my relationship...I've got the same mentality now that you had...well if my dad doesn't love me enough to stick around then why should he? Soldier's showing me that he's not my Father..cos no matter how much I've tried to push him away-he's still there! I'm not tryna be consumed by this...I'm definitely on my journey to LET GO!
@ Tam - See, I've got those issues...I'm so insecure it sickens me...but I'm not tryna be that way anymore...I'm glad that you have resolved things with your bio Dad...
@ Ms Diva...you know lately I've been so consumed with my bitterness with my father, I never stopped to look at the positive male role that i have in my Grandfather...thank you for pointing that out to me..I don't know why I didn't see it before...what was right in my face!
@ Ms B-My youngest sister's dad became sort of like my father replacement...but then he did the unthinkable...and well that was the end of that relationship. I have thought to call him, arrange to meet him, and tell him how I really feel, but I dunno if I wanna put myself out there...I'm gonna think about it a bit more...
@ all of you wonderful ladies...thank you SO much for sharing your stories...I'm glad that you've all been able to deal with your daddy issues, one way or another...you guys are my inspiration to resolve my issues! Thank You!
I think its a complex that you have to deal with yourself and not make it turn into a generational curse per say. I dont have the best relationship with my dad and he has always been in my life. I justify it as he really needed a son. I am his only child and he really didnt know what to do with me. He's definitely a big reason I am so athletic and no so much about sports because I think subconsciously I learned early on that was the only way I could ever get attention from him. When I would have a play or dance recital he never came, but when I had a trackmeet he was the first one there. Its not right, but I lived with it.
We cant all have the bill cosby type of dad, but dont hender yourself from finding a good man, and having that bill cosby type of dad for your kids because you never had that in your life.
Dang, I missed this post. Look like you got some really good advice, though.
ditto what monie said.
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