I don't really have much to post on right now, but sitting here on my bed....I've got these random thoughts-so I thought I would share them with you:
-Didn't '48 hours' with Eddie Murphy used to be funny? I'm sitting here watching this film right now, and all now I haven't even cracked a smile.
-Why is it when I wasn't looking for somewhere to live, there were flats by the truckload...now I'm in need of one there's none to be found?
-Why am I so tired but can't sleep?
-Why am I still so excited about a top? (It's siiiiiick though isn't it?)
-Why oh why did Natalie leave Floetry? They were the London duo-repping for SE5...now Nat's gone, and some new chick's joining Marsh..and they're gonna be Floetry 2.0-I mean...who really thinks this is a good move?!! (Not I!!)
-What now-since there'll be no more annual Floetry concerts? **Sigh**
I think that's enough questions for the moment.....This evening I spent a little time with the younger sisters....it was pretty cool actually....something we don't do very often! We just chilled and laughed and stuff...talking bout how me and my brother used to tease my sister L with the scary clown from the film IT...and how we'd scare my sister L with her life-sized doll, saying it was Chucky....and you KNOW as a result of talking bout these scary movies, one WILL be sleeping with a night light!! lol-I kid you not..!!
Oh-I almost forgot...my uncle came down this evening....and he's out in the garden...he comes in, and catches my 9 old brother about to light one of his (uncles) cigarettes!! Yep-my mouth was wide open like 'What??' My mum wasn't home, so my sister L sent him to his bed...I didn't say a word....maybe I should have, but he was overly sulky and wouldn't have heard me...so I'mma leave it to my Mum!! And before anybody says it-it's not my influence! None of my family have ever seen me smoking! And one of the reasons is what my brother has displayed tonight. I don't ever want him to think that smoking is a good look....what I wouldn't give to turn back the clock and NOT have started!! It's soooo creepy to watch as my brother slowly turns into my other brother! Damn....
Ok, well 48 hours is boring the crap outta me, so I guess there's nothing more for me to do dan gwarn to me bed!
Tuesday, 31 July 2007
Monday, 30 July 2007
Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiick!!!
How SIIIIIIIIIIIIICK is this top??????
I mean like really....honestly-How SIIIIIIIIIIIIICK is this top? (Have another look!)
**You can't see it clearly, but all of the black dots on it have gold studs, and the studs are on the words and on the crews chains**
I very rarely get excited about clothes that's not a Nike T-shirt, tracksuit or trainers....BUT I saw this bad boy and it HAD to be purchased! I plan to wear it this Sunday-I'm going out for my friend's birthday! I intend to wear it with....a pair of skinny jeans-I've seen the ones I want-they have gold studs on the pockets...and I'mma get a pair of gold shoes....throw on some gold accessories...and that'll be me! I'm gonna hook up the relaxer on Friday or Saturday....so the hair will be fresh....and if the ensemble works how it's planned in my head....I'll be looking HOT! (If I'm allowed to say that about me....shoot this is my blog so damn right I can say it!! lol). Ok, so you might be slightly confused-basically I dress kinda girly when I go out partying....and that's purely cos I can't go out in trainers and stuff....I do make the effort...though sometimes I'd rather not...but that's neither here or there...
I've been in a reallly good mood today...and it's been made better by my top! I'm actually looking forward to Sunday now! I've been dreading going out to buy an outfit, but it seems it'll be much easier than I thought!! If it all works out, I might even post a few pics (now that I know how to do it and all)
That my dear readers is all....So what do YOU think of this top?? Hot or What?
I mean like really....honestly-How SIIIIIIIIIIIIICK is this top? (Have another look!)
**You can't see it clearly, but all of the black dots on it have gold studs, and the studs are on the words and on the crews chains**
I very rarely get excited about clothes that's not a Nike T-shirt, tracksuit or trainers....BUT I saw this bad boy and it HAD to be purchased! I plan to wear it this Sunday-I'm going out for my friend's birthday! I intend to wear it with....a pair of skinny jeans-I've seen the ones I want-they have gold studs on the pockets...and I'mma get a pair of gold shoes....throw on some gold accessories...and that'll be me! I'm gonna hook up the relaxer on Friday or Saturday....so the hair will be fresh....and if the ensemble works how it's planned in my head....I'll be looking HOT! (If I'm allowed to say that about me....shoot this is my blog so damn right I can say it!! lol). Ok, so you might be slightly confused-basically I dress kinda girly when I go out partying....and that's purely cos I can't go out in trainers and stuff....I do make the effort...though sometimes I'd rather not...but that's neither here or there...
I've been in a reallly good mood today...and it's been made better by my top! I'm actually looking forward to Sunday now! I've been dreading going out to buy an outfit, but it seems it'll be much easier than I thought!! If it all works out, I might even post a few pics (now that I know how to do it and all)
That my dear readers is all....So what do YOU think of this top?? Hot or What?
Friday, 27 July 2007
The Break Up
Ok, so firstly thanks to all of you wonderful people who offered words of wisdom and support in my days of despair. I can say that today I'm doing better :)
Now for the story (It's long....)
The reason why I broke it off with Mr Man, was cos I had finally decided to stop kidding myself that things were going as well as I wanted them to go. I took off the rose-tinted glasses and saw things for what they were...!!! Over the course of the past few months, he's been slightly different. He was showing me little signs that to me, was showing that he wasn't on it as much anymore.
You remember the post I did 'Lost Without You', and I had all these questions and stuff, and was when I was gonna break things from then....something just didn't feel right anymore....and then I attempted to 'It's Official-I'm a Punk'...but I couldn't do it then. Well since that conversation that I had with him, I told him how I felt about the way things were, and after that I felt that we were on the same level again-hence the 'Today' post....well in actuality it was all a pot of piss....cos he was still acting funny. I hadn't really spoken to him much in what-2 months....now considering we're in a LONG DISTANCE relationship, surely communication is a major factor right? I have put my hands up and I will say that I didn't call him as much either, but that was cos it was getting to the point where I felt like I was blowing off his phone...so my intention was to see what he was on....
So this whole thing had been riding on my shoulders for a little while. I realised that as each day went by, and another day of not speaking to him, I was becoming more and more unhappy. This wasn't what I wanted! I called him during the time that I was house sitting and he was at work. He told me that he would call me back. He called me that night, but I was kipping, and then he called me the evening after, but I was out for my friend's birthday, and was in a bar. I asked him to call me back....he never did....
I realised then that of late, the only time he would call me would be when I called him first....that's long man-I don't have time for the game playing crap. Now-he may have had a reason for it, but what I'd realised is that when we did speak, he'd be on me...you know having good convo, talking bout the future....usual ish...but when we would hang it it'd be like he forgot about me....again-I have no time for that...my mind would wonder..clearly there's someone that's got you occupied....I could be very wrong-but on a real how would I ever REALLY know?
After much thinking, and discussion, I decided that this wasn't what I wanted. Although I loved him, I really did have to love myself more. That though it'll be hard, it's better to cut my losses now, and deal with the crap that comes with it, than to be discussing shit with the bitch that is Hindsight, talking bout how I should have seen the signs etc...
So-on Monday evening, I called him. He was at work, and said that he would call me back. I told him that he didn't need to cos I wasn't happy with the way things were and that we were over....then the phone cut out. Cos he was at work, I figured I wouldn't call him back, cos he wouldn't really be able to speak to me. I know this probably wasn't the best time or way to break up with him BUT I had geared myself up to do it...and then when he answered I just had word vomit-I HAD to get it out then, otherwise I would have punked out. I called him from a calling card from my home phone because me & T-mobile are having a slight dispute and right now they're winning cos they've stopped me making outbound calls *pissed*. So anyways, after all that, I went out on the road with my Granny.
When I come home, hours later I attempt to get on the internet (yeah we're still working with dial-up) and it wouldn't connect cos there was a voicemail on the phone..so I listen to it....I nearly pissed myself when I heard his voice!!! Like WTF!!!! He left a message talking bout how I must send back his chain and he will send back the bag that I left with him in Feb and the battery that I got for the phone. The phone cut out mid message and he CALLED BACK AGAIN leaving the same message. I'm soooooooo mad by this point cos it's like ‘Bruv-are you seriously calling my mum's house, leaving dumb messages not once but twice? Like on a real-are you serious??!!!’ Now none of my fam actually know about him-there are reasons why, and for right now, it made my life so much more easier without them knowing! can you imagine the questions I would have been faced with if someone in my house had answered the phone when he was calling back or had listened to the messages????
I called my SFAM, and I met up with her. I used her phone to call him back (after I finished my ranting) and he was really rude to me. I asked him why he was calling back on my mum's line talking crap, and he said that he didn't have any other numbers for me so he called me back on the number that I called him from.
Now we've been on this relationship ting for damn near a year-and this stupid fool is tryna tell me that he doesn't know my mobile number-AFTER A YEAR?!?! So I was like, well lose that number, and he was like oh do you want your tings back. I was like-I'm not asking you for anything back-but I'll be sending back your chain, and you can send back what you want. He was like, well I'll send it-goodbye and hung up the phone. 'Oh no he didn't....!!' but you know what...it's whatever!!
Then I start recalling things that he'd told me...that he didn't get any texts that I'd send cos the screen on his phone wasn't working....but yet he could see the screen to go to the 'received calls' section of the phone to dial back the number that called him??!?! He could have been using the phone that I sent the battery for-that means that he got the speaker fixed and could actually call....or that he could actually respond to my messages...SMH...dyam liar!
And that my dear friends is how we ended....I haven't heard from him since....Since the anger that came from Monday night disappeared, in came the upset and crap...but today, I'm feeling GOOD!!! Dunno if I'll ever speak to him again...but hey it's a period of my life that I will learn and grow from. So I’m now just working on healing, and making myself happy :)
Now for the story (It's long....)
The reason why I broke it off with Mr Man, was cos I had finally decided to stop kidding myself that things were going as well as I wanted them to go. I took off the rose-tinted glasses and saw things for what they were...!!! Over the course of the past few months, he's been slightly different. He was showing me little signs that to me, was showing that he wasn't on it as much anymore.
You remember the post I did 'Lost Without You', and I had all these questions and stuff, and was when I was gonna break things from then....something just didn't feel right anymore....and then I attempted to 'It's Official-I'm a Punk'...but I couldn't do it then. Well since that conversation that I had with him, I told him how I felt about the way things were, and after that I felt that we were on the same level again-hence the 'Today' post....well in actuality it was all a pot of piss....cos he was still acting funny. I hadn't really spoken to him much in what-2 months....now considering we're in a LONG DISTANCE relationship, surely communication is a major factor right? I have put my hands up and I will say that I didn't call him as much either, but that was cos it was getting to the point where I felt like I was blowing off his phone...so my intention was to see what he was on....
So this whole thing had been riding on my shoulders for a little while. I realised that as each day went by, and another day of not speaking to him, I was becoming more and more unhappy. This wasn't what I wanted! I called him during the time that I was house sitting and he was at work. He told me that he would call me back. He called me that night, but I was kipping, and then he called me the evening after, but I was out for my friend's birthday, and was in a bar. I asked him to call me back....he never did....
I realised then that of late, the only time he would call me would be when I called him first....that's long man-I don't have time for the game playing crap. Now-he may have had a reason for it, but what I'd realised is that when we did speak, he'd be on me...you know having good convo, talking bout the future....usual ish...but when we would hang it it'd be like he forgot about me....again-I have no time for that...my mind would wonder..clearly there's someone that's got you occupied....I could be very wrong-but on a real how would I ever REALLY know?
After much thinking, and discussion, I decided that this wasn't what I wanted. Although I loved him, I really did have to love myself more. That though it'll be hard, it's better to cut my losses now, and deal with the crap that comes with it, than to be discussing shit with the bitch that is Hindsight, talking bout how I should have seen the signs etc...
So-on Monday evening, I called him. He was at work, and said that he would call me back. I told him that he didn't need to cos I wasn't happy with the way things were and that we were over....then the phone cut out. Cos he was at work, I figured I wouldn't call him back, cos he wouldn't really be able to speak to me. I know this probably wasn't the best time or way to break up with him BUT I had geared myself up to do it...and then when he answered I just had word vomit-I HAD to get it out then, otherwise I would have punked out. I called him from a calling card from my home phone because me & T-mobile are having a slight dispute and right now they're winning cos they've stopped me making outbound calls *pissed*. So anyways, after all that, I went out on the road with my Granny.
When I come home, hours later I attempt to get on the internet (yeah we're still working with dial-up) and it wouldn't connect cos there was a voicemail on the phone..so I listen to it....I nearly pissed myself when I heard his voice!!! Like WTF!!!! He left a message talking bout how I must send back his chain and he will send back the bag that I left with him in Feb and the battery that I got for the phone. The phone cut out mid message and he CALLED BACK AGAIN leaving the same message. I'm soooooooo mad by this point cos it's like ‘Bruv-are you seriously calling my mum's house, leaving dumb messages not once but twice? Like on a real-are you serious??!!!’ Now none of my fam actually know about him-there are reasons why, and for right now, it made my life so much more easier without them knowing! can you imagine the questions I would have been faced with if someone in my house had answered the phone when he was calling back or had listened to the messages????
I called my SFAM, and I met up with her. I used her phone to call him back (after I finished my ranting) and he was really rude to me. I asked him why he was calling back on my mum's line talking crap, and he said that he didn't have any other numbers for me so he called me back on the number that I called him from.
Now we've been on this relationship ting for damn near a year-and this stupid fool is tryna tell me that he doesn't know my mobile number-AFTER A YEAR?!?! So I was like, well lose that number, and he was like oh do you want your tings back. I was like-I'm not asking you for anything back-but I'll be sending back your chain, and you can send back what you want. He was like, well I'll send it-goodbye and hung up the phone. 'Oh no he didn't....!!' but you know what...it's whatever!!
Then I start recalling things that he'd told me...that he didn't get any texts that I'd send cos the screen on his phone wasn't working....but yet he could see the screen to go to the 'received calls' section of the phone to dial back the number that called him??!?! He could have been using the phone that I sent the battery for-that means that he got the speaker fixed and could actually call....or that he could actually respond to my messages...SMH...dyam liar!
And that my dear friends is how we ended....I haven't heard from him since....Since the anger that came from Monday night disappeared, in came the upset and crap...but today, I'm feeling GOOD!!! Dunno if I'll ever speak to him again...but hey it's a period of my life that I will learn and grow from. So I’m now just working on healing, and making myself happy :)
Thursday, 26 July 2007
Man....SMH!
Wow....I just saw on the news that a 16 year old boy got shot this morning in the estate (Stockwell Gardens) that I grew up on...from what I can see on the news, where the boy was killed is just outside of where by my boy A's bench is.....I've mentioned A briefly before-he died in Aug 2004 of a brain tumour, and his family had a bench in his memory in the estate that we grew up on. It's in a park, which is locked every evening-and the footage on the TV looks like it's just outside of that!
Watching the news seeing the estate, it just brought back memories of back in the day-those were the days. I do miss those days, but I'm SO glad my mum moved us out of that area. smh...it's mad!
I was gonna go down to lay flowers by A's bench on Sunday....man...it's gonna be crazy round that way now!!
I don't even know what to say! I'm just shocked....to be honest, I'm not sure why....there's been like 10 kids killed since January in speculated gang-related ish....but it's not any less heartbreaking for the victims family though is it? I dunno man.....I just dunno....
Watching the news seeing the estate, it just brought back memories of back in the day-those were the days. I do miss those days, but I'm SO glad my mum moved us out of that area. smh...it's mad!
I was gonna go down to lay flowers by A's bench on Sunday....man...it's gonna be crazy round that way now!!
I don't even know what to say! I'm just shocked....to be honest, I'm not sure why....there's been like 10 kids killed since January in speculated gang-related ish....but it's not any less heartbreaking for the victims family though is it? I dunno man.....I just dunno....
Healing...??
These past two days I've been unrecognisable to myself. Yesterday started pretty well. I was in good spirits and all. Then when I got home, I was on the PC looking at some pictures, and I came across a picture of Mr Man and that was enough to through my mood totally off course. I was instantly became angry and upset....I cried, and I cried some more.....went to bed really late, and was dead to the world. Woke up this morning at 8 (start work at 8.30!!)....wasn't too late though. Looking an absolute mess-eyes all f'd up and ish!
Today, Kirk Franklin's latest album is on constant rotation in the ipod...that album is amazing. I've had it for a little while now, but never listened past 'Looking For You' but today I let it play...and yep-I cried and I cried!! I mean, I've never ever been like this-most definitely over a dude! I actually wanted to slap myself upside the head!! I'm feeling like I need to get a grip-but there's oil all on my hands, and I'm slipping!! This crap is the pits! I will say though, that my crying session with Kirk & God's People actually made me feel a little better....which has surprised me to no end...I've definitely gotta say this is some hard ish to get over! I mean, I love Mr Man....but I've gotta love me more...so though I'm now thinking I've made a mistake and I shouldn't have broke things off....deep down I think I made the right decision.....
On other news....I've fallen completely off the 'quit smoking' bandwagon...I'm not gonna try and make excuses for the reasons why-but my willpower has completely gone to pot. I am tryna get back on it....yeah, I'm trying....
Ok-so I have nothing more to give right now...the head's gone!
Today, Kirk Franklin's latest album is on constant rotation in the ipod...that album is amazing. I've had it for a little while now, but never listened past 'Looking For You' but today I let it play...and yep-I cried and I cried!! I mean, I've never ever been like this-most definitely over a dude! I actually wanted to slap myself upside the head!! I'm feeling like I need to get a grip-but there's oil all on my hands, and I'm slipping!! This crap is the pits! I will say though, that my crying session with Kirk & God's People actually made me feel a little better....which has surprised me to no end...I've definitely gotta say this is some hard ish to get over! I mean, I love Mr Man....but I've gotta love me more...so though I'm now thinking I've made a mistake and I shouldn't have broke things off....deep down I think I made the right decision.....
On other news....I've fallen completely off the 'quit smoking' bandwagon...I'm not gonna try and make excuses for the reasons why-but my willpower has completely gone to pot. I am tryna get back on it....yeah, I'm trying....
Ok-so I have nothing more to give right now...the head's gone!
Wednesday, 25 July 2007
Tagged.....again...
So I've been tagged again by Tam (thank you....NOT!) It was hard as hell tryna think of 8 things 1st time around so you know it was harder the 2nd time...but here goes:
The Rules:
1. We have to post these rules before we give you the facts.
2. Players start with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
3. People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.
4. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.
5. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.
1. I have a very sweet tooth...but I hate sugar in my tea
2. I have zero patience..and as a result get mad real quick!
3. I have a high pain threshold. I'll complain the whole time I'm in pain however, but I won't take any painkillers. After 2 years of having daily migraines, I quickly learned that painkillers don't actually do what it says on the tin!
4. I'm kinda slow catching jokes. Unless it's painfully obvious, I'll be looking at you with a dumb look on my face. The joke will then need to be dissected-by which point the joke is no longer funny....I get annoyed with myself when that crap happens!
5.I get attached to people real quick. If you're nice to me-you're my friend. Dunno why-it's real juvenile, but I can't help it. I'm too trusting! This is the reason why I end up hurt all the ruddy time!
6.Despite the fact that I have a ridiculously small car (Smart) I can't park the ruddy thing! Even in the biggest of spaces, I always struggle getting it in the space...go figure!
7.This is really dumb-but I've always wanted to be lactose intolerant, have hayfever and break a bone in order to have a cast for people to sign! I also wanted braces real bad-but when I got em-and my teeth hurt like hell-I was NOT happy!!
8. I'm now mending a broken heart. Breakups are soooooooo crap....and I hate the fact that the heart doesn't listen when the head speaks! Dammit!
I'm actually not gonna tag anyone specifically....but if you wanna do it (again in some cases) then take this as you being officially tagged! (Does that even make sense?)
The Rules:
1. We have to post these rules before we give you the facts.
2. Players start with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
3. People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.
4. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.
5. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.
1. I have a very sweet tooth...but I hate sugar in my tea
2. I have zero patience..and as a result get mad real quick!
3. I have a high pain threshold. I'll complain the whole time I'm in pain however, but I won't take any painkillers. After 2 years of having daily migraines, I quickly learned that painkillers don't actually do what it says on the tin!
4. I'm kinda slow catching jokes. Unless it's painfully obvious, I'll be looking at you with a dumb look on my face. The joke will then need to be dissected-by which point the joke is no longer funny....I get annoyed with myself when that crap happens!
5.I get attached to people real quick. If you're nice to me-you're my friend. Dunno why-it's real juvenile, but I can't help it. I'm too trusting! This is the reason why I end up hurt all the ruddy time!
6.Despite the fact that I have a ridiculously small car (Smart) I can't park the ruddy thing! Even in the biggest of spaces, I always struggle getting it in the space...go figure!
7.This is really dumb-but I've always wanted to be lactose intolerant, have hayfever and break a bone in order to have a cast for people to sign! I also wanted braces real bad-but when I got em-and my teeth hurt like hell-I was NOT happy!!
8. I'm now mending a broken heart. Breakups are soooooooo crap....and I hate the fact that the heart doesn't listen when the head speaks! Dammit!
I'm actually not gonna tag anyone specifically....but if you wanna do it (again in some cases) then take this as you being officially tagged! (Does that even make sense?)
Tuesday, 24 July 2007
Over and Out....
Been one helluva day. I'm in a weird place right now....can't really explain but the long and short of it all is that me and Mr Man are no more. What a turn for the books since just a few weeks ago I was yapping on about fighting for us...and then the other day I was on about how he takes me as I am yadda yadda...well we're not a thing anymore. I feel like an absolute punk....a total idiot-damn my heart for not listening to my head..but then I guess it's better to have things the way they are now, than later down the line.
It all sucks...I'm too tired right now to get into it all, but let's just say I've wasted almost a year of my life-time I can't get back...it's all just gone arse over tits!
Before I go...I just wanna say thanks real quick to Big Sis...Deepnthought-for all those that don't know-she's an AWESOME lady!!
I'm out...a now very single Tom_Gurl
It all sucks...I'm too tired right now to get into it all, but let's just say I've wasted almost a year of my life-time I can't get back...it's all just gone arse over tits!
Before I go...I just wanna say thanks real quick to Big Sis...Deepnthought-for all those that don't know-she's an AWESOME lady!!
I'm out...a now very single Tom_Gurl
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