Random Ish

Yesterday, Granny was helping me unpack some of my stuff in my room. She asks me if my mum ever asked how I managed living out on my own. I said that she did ask on occasions. Granny asks if my mum ever offered to help me...I say, well she helps where she can, but for the most part she can't because obviously she has the kids. Then I say, but check even my dad though -he knows I've been struggling, yet never offers to help...Granny then says 'well...'. And that's it..then after a few minutes she tells me that she hasn't told my dad that I'd moved in with her...I tell her that I'm not gonna be the one to tell him.

After this convo I was annoyed. Granny asking if my mum helped me out, I know she was trying to imply that she should have been....but my mum has 3 young kids (and my 19 year old sister) to look bout.....when I go to the house, Mum feeds me, if I'm desperate and she has it, she'll give me £5 etc....my Dad on the other hand has 1 other child. I'm not claiming to know his outgoings, but he knows I've been struggling and what not, and never once has he said to me do have you eaten today? Do you wanna come for dinner..! And the fucked up thing is that my Granny will ALWAYS stick up for him-he can do no wrong in her eyes.

Then she starts telling me that him, his wife and their child are going to Egypt..next month I think she said, and how my Dad's car isn't working, and neither is the wife's...how my Dad has never owned a good car-my dad drives some old school Honda Civic, and his wife drives a damn BMW that she got when she was unemployed, and my Dad was working 2 jobs! All while Granny's talking, I'm not saying anything. They say if you have nothing nice to say then say nothing at all...so that's what I did!

With Father's Day coming up, I know my Granny's gonna be on my back about getting him a card, or calling him...but they don't do cards for shit, wasteman dads do they? And even if they did, I wouldn't waste my money on it. He can piss off. He told me once that in regards to me it was a case of out of sight, out of mind...so to hear that from the man that's meant to love you unconditionally...shit-even a little bit...how's that meant to make me feel, or view him as a dad? He can fuck off! And watch him go on holiday and not say boo to me!

Granny's the one that tells me what's the deal with him, and tells him what the deal is with me, but I wish she wouldn't. I don't care what he does....then again, the fact that it pisses me off to no end shows how much I care.

Come Father's day, I'll give my Grandad a card and a gift...he's been more like my father my entire life so it's only right. If Granny gets on my back about my Dad then I'll go out somewhere...I tell ya she can push me sometimes when it comes to my Dad, that if my mouth was fly-way and I didn't have the level of love and respect for my Granny....boy...most importantly I wouldn't let because of him, my relationship with Granny is fucked!

I think I've rambled enough...my mind is feeling easy-i'm gonna try and sleep!

Their Conversation

*second post of the day!! A me dat?!!!??'

When I came in from work, Granny decided she wanted to go to Ikea. As she's on the stairs putting on her shoes (I was in the bathroom) the funniest conversation took place:

Gramps: where yuh goin?
Granny: me and Milz a go uppa Ikea
Gramp: What about me dinna?
Granny: yuh waan yuh dinna now?
Gramps: *mumbling*
Granny: me say yuh waan yuh dinna now?
Gramps: YES!!
Granny: Nuh talk to me so-bout YES! Yuh a get betta now...yuh mout a get big!
Gramps: *silence*

I'm in the bathroom pissing myself with laughter! I love those two...they give me the most joke! Granny always puts Gramps in his place when he tries to get a bit fresh! Lol!!

I Did It

So...I risked it....sent her a message on Facebook:
'Hey Jay, I know it's been a while, a few years in fact, and you probably still hate my guts..but I thought I'd say hi...hope things are good with you x'

And whaddya know....she messaged me back! I damn near had heart failure when I saw the message. She said:

'Hi Milz,Wow its true, its been about 3years or so years. Thanks for your message. I do not hate your guts hun. Its been too long and I am now trying to believe that life is too short babe. I really hope life is going good for you and you are doing well with whatever you are doing.. I saw you actually a few weeks back.. driving my car. For a split second I actually forgot I was in my car and someone else was driving my car past me.lolTake care Jay x' 

I told her that I was shocked that she had messaged me back, but I was glad that she did. I asked her about her car (cos I'm assuming she too has a Smartie)... And that was that.
 
Don't know what this means for us...but I'm glad that I listened to you guys and made the first move. If anything, at least I know that she doesn't hate me, and plotting my downfall! lol!!
 
If you didn't know, you guys rock! And if I'm ever faced with another dilemma-guess where I'll be coming for hel!! LOL!!
 
On other news, I moved into my grandparents house over the weekend. On Sunday I moved the bed AND the wardrobe all by my lonesome-well my 7 year old cousin was 'helping' but to be honest she was more of a hinderance-but bless her for being there! Of course on Monday my WHOLE body was in agony...the room is STILL a tip-as long as I can get in and out of the bed, that's the main thing!
 
What's really funny is my Granny's been sending me to bed at 11pm these past few nights! She's like 'It's nearly 11-don't stay up too much longer'...yes Granny! lol! admittedly though, I've been feeling real tired by this point....go to bed-you think I can sleep? I'm tossing and turning alllllll night! Up wandering the house at 2am...It's REALLY annoying! So of course, I'm stupidly tired this morning-my eyelid feel like lead...and everytime I blink it feels like someone sticking my eye balls with pins!! (lol-it's not even that serious-but it sounds it-doesn't it?!)
 
Wow-this post is stupidly long now....so I'll stop typing! Hope you have a good Tuesday!

Open Letter

J,

For some reason, you came into my head today. And when the thought of you entered my head, my heart hurt. Why? Cos I miss our friendship. I miss the way we used to be, our conversations...I miss us.

We haven't spoken for 7 years. It's hard to believe it's been that long. Looking back, I probably did over react to the situation that was....however, my Granny was being intimidated-and that shit will never ever go down well with me. I know this was not directly because of you, however they were your people who were not invited to the wedding, and I just felt like you could have done more-they were your peoples...you could've spoke to them.

Nevertheless, we did speak after that night, but I couldn't get past it...and we fell out. You felt like I embarrassed you in public...felt I did you wrong....admittedly I could've come to you and tell you what was bothering me....but I didn't-maybe that was wrong of me.

I did try to reach out to you a few years later, but I guess you felt like there was too much water under the bridge for us to be friends again...I felt rubbish, but I accepted your decision.

Every now and then, I think of how we used to be...and I do miss it...I know no matter what, we'll never be the friends that we were....thinking of you today made me want to send you a Facebook message to say hi....but I'm not about to put myself out there, only to be rejected.....so I guess this...our friendship..you being in my life was either for a season or a reason...after 7 years, I'm still not totally sure which...either way, it's done....I may always wonder whether you would respond if I was to send you a message...I think I'd rather wonder 'what if' than to reach out and feel like a prick for trying again...

I hope life has been and continues to be good to you....

Milz

At The Lights...

I saw him....and the mofo looked at me and smiled.....raised an eyebrow to acknowledge me even....I couldn't believe it! I looked at him, cut my eye and drove off once the lights turned green.

Yes, I was pissed.

Why Lord....why???

What Did She Say?

So I've been getting comments from some of you guys......it seems most of the time you guys don't understand what I'm saying because of the UK/JA words that I use....my bad! Lol! I do tend to write things straight from my head....and I do sometimes try to change a few words so you guys understand-but truth be told, that ish is HARD WORK!! Lol!

So.......I figured I'd give you the opportunity to have me translate things I've said previously that had you confused, having to run to Google etc....you can create your very own translation book!!! So in the future you'll know what I'm on about when I'm rambling....this is open-so if I say something that you don't understand, or that has you having to read the post twice (T2!!) then be sure to ask...

....So over to you....let the translations begin!!!

I Love You

For some reason, I have the overwhelming urge to tell everyone that I love them.....

So..... I LOVE YOU!!!