Random Ish

Yesterday, Granny was helping me unpack some of my stuff in my room. She asks me if my mum ever asked how I managed living out on my own. I said that she did ask on occasions. Granny asks if my mum ever offered to help me...I say, well she helps where she can, but for the most part she can't because obviously she has the kids. Then I say, but check even my dad though -he knows I've been struggling, yet never offers to help...Granny then says 'well...'. And that's it..then after a few minutes she tells me that she hasn't told my dad that I'd moved in with her...I tell her that I'm not gonna be the one to tell him.

After this convo I was annoyed. Granny asking if my mum helped me out, I know she was trying to imply that she should have been....but my mum has 3 young kids (and my 19 year old sister) to look bout.....when I go to the house, Mum feeds me, if I'm desperate and she has it, she'll give me £5 etc....my Dad on the other hand has 1 other child. I'm not claiming to know his outgoings, but he knows I've been struggling and what not, and never once has he said to me do have you eaten today? Do you wanna come for dinner..! And the fucked up thing is that my Granny will ALWAYS stick up for him-he can do no wrong in her eyes.

Then she starts telling me that him, his wife and their child are going to Egypt..next month I think she said, and how my Dad's car isn't working, and neither is the wife's...how my Dad has never owned a good car-my dad drives some old school Honda Civic, and his wife drives a damn BMW that she got when she was unemployed, and my Dad was working 2 jobs! All while Granny's talking, I'm not saying anything. They say if you have nothing nice to say then say nothing at all...so that's what I did!

With Father's Day coming up, I know my Granny's gonna be on my back about getting him a card, or calling him...but they don't do cards for shit, wasteman dads do they? And even if they did, I wouldn't waste my money on it. He can piss off. He told me once that in regards to me it was a case of out of sight, out of mind...so to hear that from the man that's meant to love you unconditionally...shit-even a little bit...how's that meant to make me feel, or view him as a dad? He can fuck off! And watch him go on holiday and not say boo to me!

Granny's the one that tells me what's the deal with him, and tells him what the deal is with me, but I wish she wouldn't. I don't care what he does....then again, the fact that it pisses me off to no end shows how much I care.

Come Father's day, I'll give my Grandad a card and a gift...he's been more like my father my entire life so it's only right. If Granny gets on my back about my Dad then I'll go out somewhere...I tell ya she can push me sometimes when it comes to my Dad, that if my mouth was fly-way and I didn't have the level of love and respect for my Granny....boy...most importantly I wouldn't let because of him, my relationship with Granny is fucked!

I think I've rambled enough...my mind is feeling easy-i'm gonna try and sleep!