Soldier

So I guess it’s really time for me to tell you guys about that dude that’s keeping me away from the blog fam….(oh how I miss you all!)

Well since the evening he turned up at my house last Thursday, we’ve spent the hours of the evening/early morning together. He’s just so cool…we sit and talk for hours…and it’s mad weird, cos I didn’t think I could be that talkative…He’s really funny, and he makes me laugh…and he’s obsessed with my Smart car.

He’s a bit taller than me, medium build (whatever that really means…), he’s got beautiful brown eyes and the most gorgeous smile I’ve ever seen…when he smiles, I swear I get butterflies-each and every time! My whole family seem to love him….he met my sister the other day, and she thinks he’s cool. Apparently we (my whole fam) have been invited to some one’s party (haven’t a clue who) and they (my fam) want him to come along….it’s nuts-he’s already in there with the fam **raised eyebrow** for the moment though, it’s cool…we get on really well, and he makes me smile, so it can’t be bad can it?

Our 1st date was on Saturday evening. We went to a bar around the way, and we just talked the night away! Dropped him back to his house at about midnight, and then headed home. Then about 10 minutes after I get in, he calls me and he’s like – are you going to bed? I say no….we then meet up shortly after, he gives me a cute little flower that he picked off the bush…(yeah I know….but it was soooo cute!) and we drive around, talking….He held my hand the entire time :) I didn’t get back into my house until after 3am on Sunday morning!

He comes by my house to see me spontaneously which I love….I’m loving this happy feeling! :)He was meant to go back to the Army base on Sunday, but he called them, and told them that he was sick, so he’s in London for a few more days…not sure when he’s going back…but I know I’m gonna miss him when he does…

For right now though, we’re just taking each day as it comes….not trying to rush into anything….just taking it reeeeallll slow! Things are going really well, but I do fear it’s a little too perfect….but you know what-whatever happens, happens….I’m just enjoying his company, his conversation and the way he makes me feel….

So....that's Soldier......any questions??

** I know I haven't been round to visit you guys much lately...but I'll be round really soon....so have the tea and biscuits ready!! **

Can You Finish This? Pt 2...

Ok, as I haven't been here for a lil while....I thought I would try and catch with my blog fam...see what's been going on with them....Whilst visiting Ms B's recent post, I thought I'd do as she's requested, by completing the sentences, but I've decided to post it as an entry cos I haven't done that recently....reason being, by the time I get home these days (after spending the evening with Soldier) it's time to get ready for bed....I'll let you guys know more about him later in the week....in the meantime...

1.I love my family, friends, myself (sometimes), my Smartie (car), being happy and making others smile
2.Right now I want summer-of some kind!!! If that's not possible, then I want to be out of this country!
3.I feel like slapping my brother up side his head for having the characteristics of a waste man, and not doing what he's supposed to with his son.
4. I hate it when I'm sad or when I feel helpless
5.I fear losing the ones I love
6.I'm lonely without the ones I love
7.I need to be loved! Oh, and be out of this country
8.Today I will do some laundry, look around my messy room...and probably spend the evening with Soldier
9. Tomorrow I'm not at work...I will be taking Khallai for the day...and chilling with him, my sister and Khamani
10. I just drank a glass of water, and now REALLY need to pee
11. I want to meet Timbaland...he's such a bad ass producer!
12.I'm hungry for nothing at the moment
13. I love it when I'm amongst good people with positive vibes and good company
14. I'm afraid of not accomplishing everything I want to before I die
15. I'm listening to 'Can't forget About You' by Nas ft Chrisette Michele
16. I'm wearing black jeans, black trainers and a black jumper
17.I wish I was in another country soaking up the sun
18. I'm craving more chocolate....the weight loss ting starts again on Monday (that's my reasoning anyways!)
19.I want to get at least 10% of that woman's £35.4 million lottery payout
20. I can be fine one minute, and be mad enough to kill someone the next....
21.I can't believe it's August and there's NO sun!
22. I have many regrets in life, but I can't go back to change them, so I've gotta learn to handle and learn from em
23.I haven't sworn at anyone all day...(well so far anyways)
24.I'm too nervous to let anyone other than a trained professional to teach me how to swim
25.My mum thinks I'm a great daughter :)
26.My dad thinks I'm a mistake he wishes he could erase
27. My liver...erm...is healthy??
28.I'm most happy when I'm having a good time
29. I'm sad when I try and find the reasons why my dad doesn't love me...
30. I like eating good food
31. I hate eating cucumbers, tomatoes, soup, oranges, bananas, boiled eggs...I really could go on
32. I love watching good tv and films
33.I love listening to music...and granny telling stories about the good ole days
34. I like playing with gadgets, video games that I can win!
35. I hate waking up to the knowledge that I've got to go to work!
36.I can see that it's nearly hometime!
37.I'm glad that my mum set me up with Soldier...he makes me smile! :)
38. I'm disappointed that I've wasted so much time on people who I now know did not deserve it
39.I look like Me, Myself & I....but apparently I look like my mum...and my Granny (on my Dad's side)
40. I wish I looked like no one but me....

And if you can finish this, head over here and do just that....(in her comments section...do as she says-I'm not tryna get you guys in trouble!!)

The Round Up

It was my plan to give you the roundup of what's been happening this week...cos I've been slacking in the worst way....but then this evening took an unexpected but expected turn..which meant that my initial plan of updating went out the window, and I just wanna talk about this evening!!

Basically, earlier this week, my mum tells me there's this dude she's tryna set me up with. I'm not really feeling the idea of blind dates, so I tell her I'm not really on it. She's tryna sell this dude to me; he's 25, he's a Soldier-leaving the Army in December, he doesn't smoke or drink-he drives his own car Then today, I'm at work, she calls me, and tells me that Soldier (that's what I'll call him) wants to know if I'm free tomorrow. I'm like nah-I wasn't lying either, I had plans with the girlies to go for drinks. However, throughout the day, it seemed that plan was dead...after talking with my big sis, I thought to reconsider my decision.

I'm at home, and my mum's acting all suspect...I knew something was up...something in me told me this dude would randomly be at my door...and whaddya know? I'm bout to get ready to watch Making The Band 4, and my mum comes to me telling me there's someone to see me!!!! What? My hairs looking a mess, I'm in my work getup (jeans and t-shirt)....why is he here! I was annoyed for a minute, but I gotta give it to that woman for being so darn persistent! So I go to my door...Soldier's standing there...introduces himself to me...we talk for a minute, then he says he has to drop his Uncle down the road, do I wanna come.....well not really-I'd rather watch making the band...but I decide to go anyway...we have good conversation, and he's real funny....get back home, he walks me to my door...says goodnight to me & my mum, and then calls me 5 minutes after! We're meant to be going someplace tomorrow...he's back to base on Sunday....he's cool....I'm not overly looking for anything...well I am, but not really-i mean it was only the other day I was yapping on about Mr Man...

So that's this evening......now for the week that has been:
-This girl I went to school with (who I lost touch with until recently) her Mum died on Saturday night. She had Parkinson's Disease....she asked me to come to the funeral which is next week, but I can't get the time off, so I told her I'd come to the wake...

-I have to pay £30 for a new wing mirror for some woman who's wing flew off after hitting the side of my Smartie door. It was technically my fault cos I opened the door too wide (cos I had too many things in my hands....I'm annoyed cos I had to pay a £60 parking ticket today too! So that's what £90 in a week cos of my Smartie! I think we need to have a talk (my Smart Car & I....seems he's costing me more than he should!!)

-The friend that I've mentioned here text me today, telling me that she was sorry she hadn't been in contact, but she didn't wanna talk to anyone. Her man's trial now, and she lost the baby. I told her I'd be here for her no matter what.....the wickedest is, the last time i spoke to her, which was a day after Khallai was born, she again acted like she wasn't tryna talk to me...talking bout how it was all about her, her man and her baby (she has a 6 year old daughter, and she didn't even include her)...when I told her my brother was now a dad she was like 'oh is it' really disinterested, and then started going on about something or another....so from then I'd decided to stop trying with her...cos clearly she wasn't interested.....then last night I had the maddest dream! I dreamt that Monnie was in London, and she was at a bus stop in the pouring rain crying her eyes out-real random right? And then later today, my 'friend' texts me to tell me of her woes...and what do I do? Roll up my sleeves, and be prepared to do whatever it takes to get the girl back on top form! Regardless of whatever, she doesn't deserve to deal with the heartache of losing a baby.

This day, tomorrow, 3 years ago, my boy A died...this day tomorrow one year ago my grandfather died, this day tomorrow is my SFAM's ex boyfriend's birthday. He past almost 2 years ago. So I think tomorrow will be bittersweet...I'll try and post tomorrow....

So for right now-that is all!

Something For My Grandma

'A Song For Mama' by Boyz II Men...That song is a dedication to my Granny...loving her is like food to my soul. Only Gods knows just how much I love that woman! I spent the whole weekend with her-haven't done that for a long while-it's usually jusy the Sundays. This weekend was really nice, spending a lil quality time with her, my aunty and lil cousin.


Yesterday, whilst heading back from dropping my aunty and lil cousin home my uncle called. After Granny spoke to him she told me that he asked her if I was with her, and that he always asks if I'm with her. So I say 'the only time I don't come round is if I'm out of the country' then she says that was what she told her Pastor; she was talking to her on Friday evening and Pastor asked her is she had had a good birthday. Granny answered no. Pastor asked why, and Granny told her that she didn't receive any calls from her children or grandchildren-bar me, my aunty, my uncle & my lil cousin...Now let me tell you real quick-my granny has 9 children all of which are alive. 7 were born in Jamaica, and the youngest 2 were born here. Of the 7 that were born in Jamaica 4 of them are here in the UK. 8 of her children all have kids...all but 3 have more than one child. Of those grandchildren I think 2 or 3 have children...so that equals 9 children, a whole bag of grandchildren and a dusting of great-grandchildren. YET-she only receives 1 visit (as my aunty & cousin don't live very close), 2 birthday cards and 3 phonecalls? You know I was mad right? To be honest, it's the same shit every year...me, my aunty, uncle and cousin make sure that my granny is made a fuss off-at the house it's just her and gramps...and they don't really do fuss.

So anyways, this conversation with Pastor lead her to tell me the story about when she sent for my Dad and Uncle from Jamaica. I've heard the story of how all my Uncles and Aunty came over here many a time, but I never tire of hearing it..but anyways it's so sad to know that after everything she's done for them, they turn around and shit in her face! My Grandad cusses about it all the time...I mean even my sperm donor didn't even call or come round-and he lives literally around the corner...shit like this hurts my heart.

My Granny is such a wonderful woman. There isn't anything she wouldn't do for someone. Even if she doesn't know you, if you come to her house, you'd be sure to leave with a ful stomach, plenty of love and a smile on your face. She has such a beautiful spirit, and it really does hurt me to the core to know that she's the head of such a large family, yet on 2 children, and 2 grandchildren have the time for her.

Growing up, my cousins,aunt & uncles....practically the whole family used to say that I was the one my Granny 'prayed to' (JA terms meaning loved the best & spoiled) but the truth is my Granny loved us all the same! I've being going to her house for weekends-every weekend since I was like 6 months old, we're mad close-we share unsaid things that no one else gets-and spoiled? Me? Are you serious?? Unless we're talking about being spoiled with unconditional love-then yep-Ill hold my hands up! The funny thing is she, nor my grandad remember my birthday, but I blame their head not their heart!

I love it when she tells me stories from back in the day, with all the Jamaican sayings and stuff. I hope I remember them them to pass on to my kids. Granny has shown me you're only as old as you feel, and more time she's like a spring chicken...when we're dancing and acting the fool up in the kitchen.

And there are times when I wish the sperm donor wasn't even that...but regardless of whatever, nothing would or could have me wish for greater grandparents. It's cos of this love that I have for my Granny, that I don't ever want to think of life without her. So when she talks of her Will I don't wanna know about it. It's upsetting and it gets me mad cos I know all them children, the bag of grandchildren and the dusting of great-grandchildren will be coming through with their hands out saying 'gimme'...I'm setting for them...

So...that's one of my leading ladies you guys...My Grandmother...the lady that would make me Milo tea every Saturday and Sunday morning, cooling it by pouring it from cup to cup and then scooping out the bubbles (otherwise I wouldn't drink it), who would let me lick the bowl from making rum cake (lol), who'd always cook my favourite-roast breadfruit with Ackee & Saltfish whenever I wanted it, and who in turn I would give my life for.

My Granny..the great lady she is..
'...you took up for me
When everyone was downin me
You always did understand
You gave me strength to go on
There was so many times
Looking back when I was so afraid
And then you come to me
And say to me I can face anything
And no one else can do
What you have done for me
You'll always be
You will always be the girl in my life'

A Lil Bit Random...

So once again I've gone AWOL...I've kinda lost the feelings to blog...dunno why...but I just have....but I know I need to fix up and look sharp...but moving on...

Sunday was ok-to be honest, I felt like I wasted my damn outfit! But hey it was a b'day ting, and we were all tryna make the effort, so maybe it wasn't all lost!

I actually wanted to post yesterday, but AOL was fucking with me, and so it was not meant to be. It was the birthday of one of the leading ladies in my life....my granny...Oh how I love that woman so! She's just turned 72...and you know, she don't look a day over 50! And after having 2 knee replacements, and some kinda surgery on her hand, she's still driving, still wearing tracksuits and trainers and ish...and goes to church every Sunday! That lady's baaad I tell ya!!! I went to see her, and she fed me some chicken and rice-damn was it good!! Whilst we're eating dinner, we're talking about one of her friends that died couple years ago, and how she left everything to one daughter and grandaughter....then she was like Jamaican accent 'Is ongle one ting me a do before dis year dun if me live' not thinking I'm like 'what?'She's like, me nah tell yuh....2 secs later...change me will....I was like right ok-I don't wanna hear anymore...forget it forget it....I mean what is life without Granny? You'd think she'd stop talking bout it right...?? Ha-nope, she proceeded to tell me stuff...I tuned her out, cos it's not what I ever wanna think about! Unrealistic maybe, but to me my granny will live forever!!

Today is my brother's birthday....the daddy...the one that's a daddy, but is still tryna act like he aint got no responsibilities...tryna check gal out on the road, whilst the 'wifey' is at home with the baby....who rolled up outside my house today with some renking dutty gal who was quite clearly DRAGGED UP...who had to be reminded....however indirect (as I wasn't EVEN talking to dat ting)that there's a girl and baby in the picture-regardless of what he's told you......if you wanna risk getting arrested by the feds for driving an unregistered, unlicensed car on the road for some dude-go head!!! How mad am I at the fact that the baby has changed NOTHING for this boy?????? So mad, that letters can't form into words to fully, and I mean fully explain.....I mean what is praising in him one day...and then having to replace those words with bullshit like this?

My other brother got grounded today! ROTFL how pissed is he? Reeeeeal pissed! He went to his friends house couple doors down...he was told to be home at 8...he rolls up in the house at 8.30...like he's any big man! My mum wasn't home..so I'm like 'what time you call this?' he's like 'I was eating' Reeeallly?? So what you aint got food in your yard, no? You know what time you're meant to be home, but you sitting there eating food...? Ok.... Mum comes home-
Mum:'what time you come in?'
He:'8.30...'
Mum:'why was you late?'
He'I was eating food'
Mum: 'Right-so you're grounded!!'

So if you're wondering-chicken and rice is sooooo sweet-that it's worth being on lock down for at least a week during the summer holidays! Oh I'm so glad that those days are 'so gone'....

Moving on......I'm not feeling work, I'm not feeling my living arrangements.....and umm......*shrugs* that's all...I have nothing!

What I've Got (and haven't..)

This morning, I went to see the nicest studio flat. It was newly converted, and had brand new everything. It was the ideal property.

After the viewing, me and my sister deliberated and decided that this flat was the one. After I got home, and sorted out a few things, I called the estate agents and the guy that I spoke to told me that he would speak to the landlord and get back to me on Monday. Cool...

About 10 minutes later, the estate agents calls me to tell me that the flat was gone-that someone who had viewed the place yesterday had come in today and put a deposit down...and that was that!!!

I was real disappointed, and was in a bad mood for a minute, but I've figured there's no point dwelling on it, cos it won't make the flat available for me, so it's back to the drawing board....

Baby Khalai came home today, haven't seen him, but my mum said that he's changing...it's mad how baby's faces change day to day! Can't wait to see him again. Might go down and see him this week...

On other news, I have completed my outfit. To accompany my bad ass top, I have these denim shorts...

Paying attention to detail-here is the back pocket...

and front pocket...

And these gold (though they don't look very gold in the pic) pumps...And to complete this all...these accessories...
So that'll be me tomorrow...Oh...please excuse all the mess that's been captured in my pics..not only am I a tad messy, I am also a tad lazy-so much so, I couldn't be arsed to move the crap..

Anywho, I'm off to perm my hair....laters..

The New Addition...And Some Ranting...

Ok...so I know I've been AWOL for a few days...there are numerous reasons for this, which include the viewing of flats, much frustation and stress at work, and having nothing to say...

Today is all change! I became an aunty for the 3rd time today! My nephew (my brother's son) Khalai was born at 4.05pm today!! Sooooo excited! I went to see him...he looks like a lil china doll. He weighed 6lbs 6oz and is simply gooorgeous! Both baby and mum are doing fine. They should be coming out of hospital tomorrow morning!

My brother (who's now a daddy) went to JA last week-he was actually meant to go for three weeks, but he only ended up staying for a week-he came back yesterday (good thing too)...we were talking about Jamaica, and I find out that he stayed in the hotel that me and my girlies stayed in last year...and there's a very big chance that he met Mr Man...unknowingly of course...but very, very possible...

On to other news, I got the remainder of my outfit for Sunday today. I went for denim shorts instead, and some gold pumps. When I have a minute i'll post em. I also got me a new pair of trainers. I love em! Those were £35, and then they had a white pair, which I also want for £25...I was tempted to get them both....but I really couldn't justify spending £60 on trainers in one month...so that's on my wish list...hopefully to purchase next month!

Saw a flat today....it was ok...not quite what I'm after, but it has potential...with a few changes here and there it may be the one. I've got a viewing for a brand new studio in the morning, and I have a feeling this is more what I'm after. It's more expensive than the one I saw today, but I'm guessing it's more up my street-but I'll see tomorrow!

Now all the nice news outta the way...I must now vent my anger and frustration, and the increased desire to move out of this house!!!!Ok, so I've been out all day. I come home with my brother from the hospital, and I'm in my room, putting away my stuff. My lil brother says to me 'S found the key for your CD box and took out your CD' I instantly get mad.

Sidenote: I HATE HATE HATE when people touch my stuff without asking...WORSE if it's my CD's!!! Everyone knows what I'm like when it comes to my possessions, and it's a general unsaid rule to never touch such items without permission, as I am known to cuss and rant...and possibly cause one some damage.

Anyways, I look at my sister S...and she says (referring to my lil brother) 'you muthafucker'...Please also note, that this was said outside of the bathroom, which was occupied by my mother at this point. So she walks past me heading to her room to get the CD...as she passes me, I punch her in her back, and then she tries to hit me back...now this girl is strong-she's like 13, and she play fights with my 21 year old brother (which I don't even do)...so before she can hit me back I push her...her rooms a tip, she trips over something and then falls on the floor. I'm seeing red now so I'm like 'where's my cd' she's like I don't have it-I put it back' blah blah...I tell her I want the key. I walk out of her room, and I'm ranting to anyone that's listening...then her room door opens and I hear metal hitting the floor. My brother goes out, and sees the CD that the stupid girl took and the key. I'm even more mad now cos I know say that you didn't find the CD in the passage...and you're tryna fling it to me like I'm some dog...so her room doors shut, and I kick it-knowing that she's behind it...and I'm still making noise and ting. My brother goes home, and my mum emerges from the bathroom. I tell her, she needs to deal with her daughter...cos I WILL hurt her!! My mum goes over to my sister's door, and she's like who broke the door.....Hear what this feisty lickle raas pickney says...'the little bitch did it'....now hold on one raas minute...who the FUCK are you calling 'a little bitch' she could NEVER be referring to me!!! So I'm making my noise, but I'm not coming out my room, cos I know I'll do her something! Now I'm thinking my mum's gonna do or say something regarding the fact that 1)she's calling me a bitch and 2) that she swore in front of her face....erm...yeah, still waiting for my mum to say something! And THAT'S the reason why this chick has no damn manners or respect for anyone or their property. I don't even swear in front of my mum, and I'm a grown ass woman....I was like....MAN I can't WAIT to be outta here!! Fuck this shit man!!!!

*Sigh* so after all that, went to the shop, got me some chocolate, and some drink, and I'm now watching Ace Ventura...and about to check out some of my favourite blogs!!

I'll be back....

UPDATE@2:15am
Ok, so it's been a good few hours since my last post. It's after 2am...I can't sleep, and I hate blogger cos it's not letting me leave comments on other peoples blogs....hmm...maybe it's not Blogger-and just crappy AOL!!

I decided to start my laundry. I go to the machine, and there's a load in there that's finished. They belong to my sister S. So I'm unloading, and I come across my black Nike shorts. Again, I'm mad...

Let's back track to earlier today. It was surprisingly hot today, and I decided I wouldn't wear my joggers, cos it's simply too hot. I'm looking for my black shorts...and they are no where to be found. I look in my wardrobe endless amount of times. I see my navy blue pair, but they weren't the ones I wanted to wear. I knew -that I had them both in my wardrobe, cos I remember ironing them both. I knew they wouldn't be there, but I looked in my 'to be ironed' pile...I haven't worn them for a little while-cos let's be real, there's been noooo sun!

Admitting defeat, I decide to wear the navy blue ones. I ask everyone in my house what t-shirt I should wear...I even say, I can't find my black shorts....

So you know I'm hella pissed now that I see this chick has not only worn my shorts without permission, but that she watched me look high and low for the ruddy shorts when the WHOLE time it was in her laundry basket! She thinks she's so slick! I know she had intended on washing them, and then put them in with the rest of my clothes thinking I wouldn't notice!

I asked her about it (she was half asleep mind you) and she's saying that she never wore them, that she doesn't know how it ended up with her clothes (though I do my own laundry seperate from everyone elses)...I gave her a swift warning: 'Don't make me find ANYTHING more of my tings in your possession'....I seriously need to be out of this house!! I'm at my wits end man! I can't be dealing with this!