Lil Monie posed a question to me: Describe my dream man, and I’ve been thinking about this for more than 24 hours-why I’ve been thinking about it for so long, I’ll never know, but anyways, whilst thinking of the qualities I wanted said dream man to have, I realised that Soldier had some (yes, only some) of these qualities….and then I went to see Ms B this morning, and she was talking about procrastinating, and then it was like, ok people, what are you trying to do me!
Ok, so that doesn’t make much sense, but basically I’ve been feeling like I’m kinda stuck in a rut….like I can’t go forward, and I damn sure aint tryna go back, so I’m just stuck…right here! Much of this situation is actually my fault, and whilst I continue to kick myself for it, the fact is, this is what it is. I’m in a job that I don’t love, but like, I enjoy working with the people that I do, I love the relaxed environment…blah blah blah, but the fact is, I don’t get paid half way as much as I need it to! I’ve been here for over 2 years, and my salary has not increased, yet my workload has…..and since the cost of everything seems to increase every frigging minute, my pay check is NOT cutting it! So-get a new job right….wrong! This is something I’ve thought about doing for like forever and a day, yet I’m still here.
I did apply for a job working on the tubes and stuff, and the salary was grand but I fucked up on the interview, and as a result did not get the job. Getting as far as I did on the recruitment stages did give me a boost….there were 3 stages, and I got through to the very last part, so I was feeling like yeah I can do this, but as I’ve seen, my interviewing techniques SUCK….like seriously! So basically I’ve just been here, at this job, moaning about how the pounds aren’t stretching enough blah blah, and have started looking for a 2nd job….why get a 2nd job? Well, I need more money-and I’m trying to think far ahead…I wanna do music production….the college I want to attend is NOT close to home, and is in the evenings, and this job right here would allow me to leave early here or there, to make said lessons….no I’m not yet at this college…reason…this course is EXPENSIVE! I’ve been meaning to sort out the grant application, that will pay for this course, but me being me, have not started doing this….not only because I’m sitting on the idea, but also because I need a grand to secure my place BEFORE I can sort out the grant application, and let’s be real-who’s got a grand? Not I!!
So last night, I’m talking to Soldier, and since he’s left the Army, he’s been talking about all these jobs he wants to get into. The boy is mad ambitious, and it’s a grand sight to see. He’s looking at trying to get his fingers into all of these pies..and whichever one comes through 1st is what he’s getting into. Last night, I was just thinking to myself, like why can’t I be as driven as this dude? He doesn’t let anything get in his way, whereas I’m the opposite. When I told him I didn’t get that job that I went for, he thought I was joking-like it was about a week before he actually believed that I was telling the truth. He kept telling me to reapply and was telling me all this stuff to try and make me feel better. Now in the beginning it was welcomed, BUT he hasn’t stopped banging on about it. I know he wants the best for me and all that, but it’s gotten to the point where it’s like bruv-I beg you stop now! This is not just the case for the job, but also my housing sito. I’m renting privately, and he’s saying I should move back home and save for a deposit so I can buy a property-but what he doesn’t get is that, this is not possible! He’s always trying to think of ways to help me, but sometimes it’s frustrating cos he doesn’t get that it’s not that easy!! He’s very supportive of me and the things I want to do, and he’s always trying to encourage me to do things to get said things in motion….
After I got off the phone with him, I was just feeling like man, what am I doing with my life-like forreal! There’s so much I want to do, but I’ve either sat on the idea for too long that it’s no feasible, the money is not there….there’s so many things stopping me from moving forward…it’s just like, ok so what now?
I know I haven’t really made much sense….there’s just a whole bunch of crap on my mind right now! I just wanna start all over again, and do it right!
Oh-and Dora was found….she was hiding in the cupboard under the stairs!!!
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5 comments:
I gotta admire a man that pushes you to do the things you really want to do and really ought to do. I agree with him. You should re-apply.
Quick story (you know how long-winded I can be, so this is probably going to be long, but anyway...)
My first job at a bank was in 1991. I failed the VERY first round of job interviews. I changed up my look and my interview answers and showed up the VERY NEXT DAY. I was even interviewed by the SAME person. She moved me on to round two. I moved on to round two (some testing and another interview). I had a perfect score on the tests, but didn't do so hot on the interview. I called that interviewer EVERY DAY for two weeks straight. Some times twice a day. I wore that bitch down.
Finally she told me to come in to fill out the paperwork for the background check and drug test.
PERSISTENCE BABY!!!
I tell you this, to tell you not to give up on that job you wanted. It's not THEE job you want, but it pays well and that's something you need to pay for school and the other stuff you want to do. RE-APPLY!!!!!!
Damn my quick story is long! LOL!
That's it...I'm convinced [we were sisters in a past life] LOL
Gurl...considering that my post today is ALL about how much of a PROCRASTINATOR I am I'll have you know that your post makes complete sense to me/that I totally feel where you're coming from.
I agree with opinionated diva in that you've gotta admire a man who motivates you but I also know that TOO MUCH OF IT can be annoying as hell too [LOL].
Besides, we all know that until YOU'RE READY to make the change(s), nothing else anyone says is going to make much of a difference anyway...RIGHT???.
Hmmm...Or maybe it's my belief in that madness that's responsible for my procrastinating in the first place...
Okay...I'm confused...NEVER MIND ME!
@ Ms Diva-I love your stories-long winded or otherwise! I see what you're saying though...right now, I don't even know if I have that level of persistence in me..
@ Ms B- You know what I'm talking bout! Too much encouragement is a sure fire way to get smacked in the mouth! lol....but yeah, I know it's a case of wanting to make changes...I do-I just gotta stop whining about it and make it happen!
Milly, I LOOOOOOVE your posts! I swear I adopt this British accent in my mind when I read them. Bruv??? Love it!!! LOL!
On to the serious...I agree with Diva. Stop procrastinating and go for what you want. You can do whatever you put your mind to!
@ Lil Monie....you are nuts? I can only imagine what the accent sounds like! American's doing British accent is SOOOO funny!!
I know, I know...I know what I've got to do...it's just a case of actually getting it done!
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