My Grandad

(2 posts in one day...????)

I went to investigate the deal behind my death dream. I found this:

'To dream about the death of a loved one, suggests that you are lacking a certain aspect or quality that the loved one embodies. Ask yourself what makes this person special or what do you like about him. It is that very quality that you are lacking in your own relationship or circumstances.'

And it made me think. My Grandfather is one of the very few positive male influences in my life. Despite the fact that my father is not his child, he never saw me as anything less than his grandchild. He treated me like a Princess, made me feel special. I remember when my cousin came over from Jamaica, and we had a fight (can't remember why) and he bit me on my arm (I still have the scar now) and my Grandad bought my this little dolly, with Ginger hair....this was the first and last thing I remember my Grandad ever buying for me, and I loved that dolly so...(until my sister convinced me to cut the hair cos it would grow back... the hair did not grow back (lol), and my mum eventually threw it out) but the relationship I have with my Grandad goes so much further than the material.

It's funny, I never really appreciated him until I nearly lost him. Grandad was soooo moany before he got sick. Like he'd always have something to cuss about, but with me and my lil cousin, he was always so gentle...never horrible...After he got ill, and he saw that he nearly lost his life twice, he lightened up a whole lot...I see now, he's appreciating life alot more, and is seeing that there is more to life than bricks and mortar....

The relationship I have with ny Grandad hadn't really been much the older I got. But in the last few months, we have become so much better. I always said, that when I got married, I'd want him to walk me up the aisle-give me away...cos he was always the Dad to me that my Dad couldn't, or just refused to be. When my Grandad got ill, I think that was the 1st time I actually looked at him as a real person-I know that sounds dumb, but to me he was always so strong, never sick, almost invincible, but seeing him on the hospital bed with tubes and machines beeping and things...I'd just never seen him so weak.

My Grandad is so special to me, he's the one that if he could, would protect me from every hurtful word, person and thing. That would move heaven and earth to make me happy. I tell Soldier all the time that he would be the person he'd need to win over...not my Granny, aunty, or even my Dad....My Grandad's the one to watch out for...he'd wanna kick your ass in a minute..lol...he'd grill your ass on everything under the sun...and if you're not a cricket fan, one strike against ya....not a Bob Marley fan....ah shit, that's two strikes...lol...my Grandad will always be my main man....Beyonce sang about wanting her unborn son to be like her daddy...I want mine (no I'm not pregnant....I'm just saying!!!) to be like my Grandaddy....He has so many great qualities...He is such a GREAT man...

'It is that very quality that you are lacking in your own relationship'....Sounds somewhat similar to the question my sister posed to me this evening....If I'm honest...the answer is 'yes'.