'You Know What You Would Do....

…for someone,
But you will never know what they will do for you'
 
My Granny always told me that-and throughout my life I've seen this to be very true.
 
I can't write about this in the context I would like, cos well…words are interpreted differently..but fuck it, I'm just gonna go at it….
 
I'd like to consider myself a good person…a good friend. One who would always be there, regardless of the situation, or what I'm going through….you ask me to do something-if it's in my power, it's done! I always believed I had the best set of friends….I thought my girls-my tight circle of friends that I've been around for a good 5-6 years (a few I've known for most of my life), were my peoples…ones that I could call on when I needed them etc…but I've seen that this really is not the case. Don't get me wrong, I'm not tryna say that they're bad friends….but what I am saying is that more recently, I'm seeing that they're not the people that I thought they were-that they claim to be…Most recently I've been dealing with some shit..and I've seen that though they say 'we're here for you' they're really talking a crock of shit, cos I'm yet to see them….
 
I'm not saying I want them on my line 24/7 or up in my face and ting, but a little something? I lie? Am I being unreasonable? Am I expecting too much? I know what I would do if my friend was going through the ish that I am, but of course, not everyone is the same…
 
…A friend that I've mentioned before in past posts, that only seems to pop up when she's in a madness-she's real flaky…I know this but it doesn't stop me from getting annoyed! It's like whenever she calls, it's always cos there's some kinda drama taking place!  Her dude was in jail for most of their relationship…and when he was being a total bastard to her, who did she call? When he came out of pen, and was still being a jerk, who was there…? Me! Now things are going well, it's like Milz who..? Just last week there was a madness, and who was there…? I hadn't actually seen her for about 2 ½ years…which is weird considering we talked a lot of this time…but I decided that I wouldn't be running down to her gaf all the time…she'd be in my area, and not swing by! But last week, I was on my way back from my Aunty's so I decided to swing by her house for a minute (that turned into 3 hours)…I spoke to her on Monday…she told me she'd call me back…try know I'm STILL waiting for the phone call….I'm just feeling like whatever! I'm there for her regardless..I've told her the madness I'm dealing with…and where is she….?
 
Just recently, I've seen that people who claim one thing seem to be about something else….If I don't call, text, email or something, then I don't hear from them….except some bullshit excuse….truth is it's all long…and I'm not even feeling it…..
 
I realise now, that it's long running people down….ultimately my issues and problems are mine…so I have to be the ones to deal with them…it's a hard lesson to learn but….I know what I'd do for someone, but I will never know what someone will do for me…' until I'm in a situation where I'm finding out….
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Gone

I know death is a part of life...but damn if the shit isn't hard!



This morning I received a phone call....my Aunty's friend that I've known most of my life is dead! Well, clinically dead. She had an epileptic fit last night, and her heart stopped. They put her on a life support machine...but she's brain dead.



My aunty just got a phone call from her friend's step mother...she said they have turned off the life support, and her body is slowly shutting down.....so now it's just waiting.....



My Aunty said last night she had a dream that all her teeth fell out (according to Jamaican dream interpretation, this means death) and she couldn't sleep at all.......who knew it would be her friend....



Just thinking constantly about how short life is....it's crazy how in the blink of an eye you could be dead. Laughing and joking today...being buried tomorrow....



She had like 5 kids....was about to get married....was looking forward to life.....and now those kids are without a mother...and her family is so messed up, who even knows what's gonna happen to them...!



....damn...life is so fucked up.....

I'm still here!!

I know I haven't blogged much. To be honest I just haven't been feeling it! Well, that and the fact that me and my laptop are not friends right now.....I haven't been reading/commenting much either...and it's pretty much for the same reason! Life has been a bit crazy of late, and I'm just tryna get things to slow down and just run at a normal pace!

As I type this on the trusty BlackBerry I've got a killer migraine, so I'm looking to close this post...so Rashan, sorry, I don't have the brain space to do my homework! I'll accept my punishment, whatever it is......

Ok folks, that's me...just thought I'd let you guys know I'm not dead....just tryna get the life in order....bear with me...

Also, just wanna give/say a big massive gigantic 'thank you' to my blog girlies.....you know who you are!!

Tom_Gurl
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What Do You Reckon?

It's almost 9 in the morning...and I'm in a bad mood! Soldier called me a little while ago and told me that he's got time off from work, I think next week, and that he was going to his Grandad's for a week. I'm soooo annoyed! Now before you get the wrong idea, the reason why I'm annoyed is not cos he's going to his Grandad's, not cos I'm not invited (old school folk) BUT because just yesterday the big head bwoy said that we would be going to Germany, cos he wasn't meant to be working today or tomorrow, but his work people scheduled him in, and we had plans on Monday that are no more.

I've never really thought of holidaying to Germany, but it's where he's lived for 5 years and loves it, so I'm thinking what the heck? More importantly it'll mean we get to spend time together away from the usual surroundings....so as I start looking forward to it, I discover we're not going....BUT he doesn't say this. He just changes the plan....no mention of us going anywhere anymore....it's almost like it was never mentioned! I'm annoyed not cos he's going to visit his Gramps.....cos I love my grandparents to death...and clearly there's no contest between them and going away...but I kinda feel like...I dunno....now I've written this much, I don't even know if I have the right to be pissed.....what do you reckon?



In fact, I know why I'm mad...because he can never make a plan with me, and then actually follow through with it! It's soooo annoying! It's like he says the shit I wanna hear, but then decides he's doing something else...which fair enough isn't always his fault....BUT surely something has to give sometimes......??



Ok, NOW what do you reckon....?



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My Confession

So you know you're slacking on your posting when your getting a comment on the same post almost a week later from the same person….lol
 
Ok…so it's been an interesting few days….there's been tears, anger, tantrums…and thankfully smiles and laughter…so I'm all good now!
 
Rashan has decided to make the bloggers in Makin The Blog actually do homework…..so here goes….please note that for the most part I was a good kid…the worst things I ever did was steal sweeties from the supermarket across the road from my house…..me and my brother would go to the pic n mix section, fill up the bags that they provide…and casually walk out….lol….So anyways…here is my confession….
 
Back in the day(1980's), when we used to live on a Housing Estate, my mum would always have me and my younger brother go to the shop for her….the shop was at the other entrance to our block of flats, and was literally a 5 minute jobby.  One day me and my bro were out playing, and we decided we wanted some sweets….knowing Mum would say no to our request of money, we decided to go to the corner shop…and take a few penny sweets-no biggie….
 
So in we walk…obviously we lived around the way, so it was nothing for just the two of us to be in the store…wandering around aimlessly…We felt brave, so we both grabbed a handful of sweets and tried to walk out….'Oi, what you have there?' That was Dilip (damn I actually remember his name) the shop keeper…..we tried to ignore him and walk out swiftly, but he wasn't having it. He came round from behind the till over quickly, took the sweets from us, and told us that we were banned from the shop FOREVER….we're both thinking whatever innit…there's other shops around here!!
 
Forgot all about the escapade, until the following day, when my Mum told me to go to the shop to buy something or another….as I reach downstairs, I remember what happened the day before….not about to get thrown out the shop…I hung about for around 5 minutes before going back upstairs, and telling my Mum that Dilip wouldn't let me in the shop. She's like 'why?' I'm like, 'I dunno! I walked in, and he told me to get out'….Now back in the day my Mum was GHETTO! Everyone knew about my Mum bwoy..she'd cuss you down to the ground if anybody messed with her kids! She did not PLAY!! So she's putting on her shoes now, cussing and ting…talking about how's he gonna kick me out the shop for no reason…the whole time my heart is beating fast and hard…I know what my Mum could be like…and I wasn't ready to get beats for stealing if Dilip told her…so I'm SCARED now…I try to thing of excuses to not go back to the shop with her..but she wasn't having it!
 
She drags me back to the shop….Dilip sees me….gets ready to fix his lips to say that I'm banned….soon as he opens his mouth…my mum jumps on it…asking him why he kicked me out the shop…the poor Indian dude tries to tell my Mum that I didn't come in the shop that day….then bright ole me's like 'yes I did…and you told me to get out!' He's stuttering and ting…saying he hadn't seen me all day…but Mum isn't tryna hear it…she cusses HIM OUT! Then tells him, that next time she sends her chile to HIS shop..he better not turn them away! Lol-it's funny now…cos the poor man had NO choice….even though it was HIS shop and I was WRONG…but obviously my Mum would believe little Angelic me!!!
 
In the end, she grabbed what she wanted, and just before she left the shop she was like 'Remember wha' me say Dilip…nuh make me come back here for dis again??!' Dilip didn't get to tell my Mum what me and my bro did…he got cussed out for something he didn't do…and me and brother were able to go to the shop whenever we liked..and he couldn't stop us!! To this day, my Mum doesn't know the truth about what we did…*shrugs* ah well…..Funnily enough though, the shop's still there…and I think Dilip might be there too!!

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Dear Blogger

I have tried...tried my hardest to NOT lose my patience with you....but when you allow me to type my comments on the pages of my blog fam....only to tell me there's some kinda fault...and allll that I wrote disappears....yeah, that doesn't sit well with me AT ALL!

Blogger-i beg....Fix up and look sharp, man...cos it seems if it's not one ting it's a next...and I honestly don't know how much more I can take.....so please...just fix up!

Thanks!

Tom_Gurl
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Too Much Time!

I clearly have too much time on my hands! My friend just come back from the States...and she's brought me back all these goodies!!

Yes that is my name in skittles! I did say I had too much time! Lol!

Damn...i'm soooo bored!
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